London Short Fiction: Lyndon The Greatest Thief In London

Continuing our series of short fiction set in, or influenced by London. This time, Sam Hogan, age 7, and a royal tale of thievery.

Lyndon was a thief and had a dream: he wanted to become the greatest thief in London because when he sneaked in a house the police found him, but he could escape fast. He was the greatest escaper not the greatest thief, unfortunately.

So, one night, Lyndon thought to steal something in the Queen’s room, the famous Crown Jewels for example. (Lyndon didn’t listen to the teacher at school so he didn’t know that the Crown Jewels are not kept in the Queen’s room but rather in the Tower of London!).

Finally his brain convinced him to go and sneak into the Queen’s house in Buckingham Palace to TRY and find some jewellery. Before leaving he remembered to bring his rope that he stole. He set off to the Palace and with his rope he threw it up to the Queen’s window, which was open luckily, and climbed up. He searched the whole room but found no beautiful jewels. But he saw something that everyone would not ignore... DELICIOUS VICTORIA SPONGE!!

Suddenly, he heard some noise which went like this... tip tap tip tap. Lyndon panicked but he finally got an idea. He looked into the wardrobe and put on, a blue hat, a red dress, some black shoes, a magenta bag and last but not least yellow leggings. He took the sponge and closed himself inside the wardrobe and waited.

The Queen came into the room and she felt something was missing... Her pyjamas!! She went to the wardrobe and she looked inside and there was Lyndon with the messy sponge all over her beautiful clothes. At the beginning she was angry but then she laughed because Lyndon had so many different colours on and also a big mouth full of sponge and jam.

So she invited him to have tea. The next day both of them went on the London Eye and to see Big Ben. That one night Lyndon said “Will you marry me?” “Of course not! I’m already married!” “Oh I forgot.” (Lyndon did not listen to the teacher at school and did not know in fact so he was lying).

The moral of this story is... If you want to be the greatest thief in London, you should listen to the teacher!

Copyright, Sam Hogan, age 7. Photo by vgallova via the Londonist Flickr pool.

We’re still after your stories, which you should send to [email protected]. Entries must be no more than 1,000 words, and must be set in London, or strongly inspired by the city. Full details here.

We’re also now looking for fairy tales of modern London in partnership with the British Academy's Literature Week.

Previously in this series

Written by children

• The Lion: something's up in Trafalgar Square

General London fiction

• Mark: A struggling actor becomes a hero of the people.
• The Guardian of Travellers: Victoria Coach Station passengers take the advice of a sage.
• Graphic Novels: a celebrated novelist finds inspiration in Shoreditch Library.

London at Night

• The Soho Nocturnes: Sebastian Groes tries to shatter the concrete dream that is London.
• The Station Clock: Peter Watson takes a slow walk to Euston.
• Asparagus and Syrian Gold: A guy on a blind date takes a risk… but will it pay off?
• The Race: Susanna James races against the dying of the light.
• Sirens of the Tideway: Emily Williams recounts a ghostly police chase.
• Mark: A struggling actor becomes a hero of the people.

Christmas in London

• The Ghost of Christmas Replete: David Croser shares a Christmas tale set in the bleak midwinter.
• Keep the Change: Lee Hamblin takes a sneaky taxi ride.
• Night Bus Dreams: Michelle Surtees-Myers is picked up by an enchanted night bus.

Summertime

• The Patient Banker: Tom Dean has a visitor call in at a houseboat.
• An Afternoon Some Time Ago: Nathan Good takes a nostalgic ride on the London Eye.
• Easy Pickings: Kay Seeley is being vigilant on the South Bank.
• Stepping Stones: Alison Chandler goes on a night walk.
• One Summer in London: Angela M. Rodriguez steals a very personal item and then wears it at Notting Hill Carnival.

London razed

• Blackout on Fen Street: Seth Insua wishes away the city.
• The Man From BEER: Which bits of London would you delete? By David Ritchie.
• London Falls: Liz Hedgecock unleashes a digital wipeout on the city.
• They Walked: Adam MacLean ponders what would happen if London’s building just got up and left.
• The Wallbuilder: A great wall was built around London, not everyone was happy, by Jonathon Dean.
• Tastes Like Chicken: Glen Delaney retreats inside London’s oldest fortress.
• The Conqueror: Rebecca Sams filches a legendary London object.
• The Busker Ascends: Darren Lee brings plague to Leicester Square.

Transport tales

• Amelie: Narges Rashidi considers the interactions of three people on a District Line tube.
• Shelter Drawings: Stuart Snelson’s tale of a mysterious Circle Line artist.
• Tracks and Albums: Richard Lakin attracts the attentions of the British Transport Police.
• Seeing Red: Anthony Fitzgerald on the woes of a cab driver.
• Instant Karma on the 263 to North Finchley: one seat left on the bus. Next to you. Raving drunk gets on. By Ronnie Capaldi.
• The Sender of Second Chances: Anthea Morrison records a chance encounter on a bus.

Future/History

• Two Four Eight: Lance V Ramsay envisions an Orwellian dystopia in the lingo of future London.
• Old Nichol: Jill Fricker evokes the woes of the old East End.
• Clissar: Grazia Brunello dips into the future of north London, through a glass darkly.

Horror/Thriller

• Harvest Festival: A spooky Halloween tale in the London suburbs by Helen Craig.
• Ordinary Days in London: Madelaine Hills on a Docklands disturbance.
• Bishopsgate: Oliver Zarandi visits the site of a bomb.
• Sirens Of The Tideway: Emily Williams recounts a ghostly police chase.

Fantasy

• The Perfect Gift: A Christmas fairy tale in which London’s statues come to life, by Katherine Wheston.
• The City Inside: Tom Butler has some curious metropolitan anatomy.

Relationships/sex

• Jazz Code and the Tube: The ambivalence of dating, by Jenny Mackenzie.
• A Free Man: Melanie White’s flash fiction piece considers a recently single guy at a bachelor party.
• Clean Living London: Ursula Dewey rolls her sleeves up for some housework.
• Swipe Right: Does Tinder have the answers? By Heidi Scherz
• The Writer and the Dancer: Close encounter at a flat party by Vincent Wood.
• St Peter’s Gate, Knightsbridge: A nocturnal romance at closing time, by Theo Klay
• First: A romance begins inside a London gay club. By Lance Middleton.
• Natural Disasters: Can you find love at the supermarket checkout, when your customer’s buying porn? Yoel Noorali enquires.
• NO! SUSHI: A relationship breaks down during a Japanese leaving party, by Clare Kane.

Other tales

• Compatibility: Stephen Lynch conjures the awkwardness of flat hunting.
• An Extract From the Diary of Kay Richardson, Actor: The surreal tribulations of a washed-up London thesp, by Tom Mitchell.
• The Further Adventures of Kay Richardson, Actor: More from the feckless thesp, by Tom Mitchell.
• The Further Adventures of Kay Richardson, Actor (Part 2): Our debauched hero tussles with mannequins.
• You Were Not In When We Called: A Christmas tale from Megan Toogood.
• The Do: Alan Fisher gets party phobia.
• Direction: Kevin Acott goes on a time-shifting pub crawl.
• RTA: Ryan Cartwright is involved in a traffic accident where all is not what it seems.
• Vegan Pigeon Eater: Rae Chambers sees a south London cafe get an unwelcome visitor.