You're going to want to shake the cold weather off with some lovely hot (indoor) treats so with zip, zero and zilch ado, here are our zingers for this week.
Zinger Of The Week: Fascinating Aida @ Charing Cross Theatre
They've been around the block a few times yet, thirty years on, the fab threesome Fascinating Aida still pack a hell of a punch. From this week until 7 January, you can see their latest incarnation which now includes the Cabaret Whore herself, Sarah-Louise Young (no, not that one, this one) and their dark witted songs about dogging, sexual envy and international banking will have you laughing all the way home. Especially if you have been on any cheap flights from a certain Irish company...
If you only see one circus show this year, you really should get out more. Having said that, if you want some pre-Christmas cheer then La Soiree will certainly perk you up. We were there last Friday and can honestly say that we haven't seen spectacles this big since Dennis Taylor started wearing contact lenses. We previewed the show here.
If you only see one pair of pop revisionists this week, make it Frisky and Mannish as they take over the Shepherd's Bush Empire tonight with their new show "Pop Centre Plus". For those who haven’t seen them before, a word of warning: they will happily take your favourite songs and casually crucify them on the altar of comedy. Kiss goodbye to fond memories of the Bangles’s Eternal Flame or anything by Michaels George and Jackson.
And if you want some free entertainment and/or want to see the kinkiest commies in town, pop down to converted loos Cellardoor as EastEnd Cabaret let loose on an another unsuspecting audience after their recent run at the Arcola Tent.
Will there be a better cabaret panto this year than tonight's RVT's Robyn Hood? We doubt there will be any sillier as Myra Dubois, Jonny Woo and co. don their greenest tights in a typically bawdy tale of willies, Wapping and wood.
Float like a butterfly, sing like Milli Vanilli: master mimers The LipSinkers are at Bistrotheque.
If your cockles of your heart need some attention, take them down to the Royal Vauxhall Tavern where cabaret’s Philosopher King David Hoyle is holding his weekly session of Winter Warmers. Helping to keep it hot hot hot will be his guests Al Pillay and Rachel Pantechnicon.
Rock up to the Tristan Bates Theatre to see Londonist favourites Pistol & Jack explore their Christmas Sack. If there’s a better and funnier live mashup act out there, we haven’t seen them.
Re-live Lost amongst the tassels at Madame Jojo's as House of Burlesque celebrates their Shipwrecked Christmas Special.
Pens down, no cheating: after being trained for ten weeks by star Marisa Carnesky, a bunch of 18-25s will be showing off their end-of-term pieces at The Roundhouse show The New Kabaret Experiment No 4.
Hot one-on-one action down at Vogue Fabrics where Brian Lobel and Aaron Wright's Cruising For Art pairs punters with performers like RVT bingoista Timberlina and the zingy Bryony Kimmings. Dress code: "Leather Daddies and Muscle Mary’s."
An impressive double for Duckie tonight as Jarvis Cocker takes to the decks at their regular RVT Saturday show while twenty (count 'em) performers invade the Barbican for their seasonal show Copyright Christmas.
This sounds different: burlesquer Immodesty Blaize will be at the Kentish Town's HMV Forum with the Noisettes in an integrated performance. We interviewed the Noisettes collaborator Bobbie Gordon right here.
With dwarf names like Fag Hag, Muscle Mary, Sub, Dom, Skinhead and Butch Dyke, you should have some idea of what you're letting yourself in for as Snow White & The Seven Poofs return to the Leicester Square Theatre.
NB: tickets for the Boom Boom Club show at the Old Vic Tunnels have flown like winged hotcakes and, hence, the show is SOLD OUT. Roll on 2012.
From the writers of Dick Whittington – Another Dick in City Hall comes an early contender for this year’s “Best Children-free Panto”. Sleeping Beauty – One Little Prick twists the classic fairy tale somewhat with the comatose victim in possession of their own set of crown jewels, so to speak.
If immersive theatre, pole dancing and full-frontal nudity with a cash bar at hand sounds like your kind of thing, there’s an Office Party to end all office parties at the Pleasance presented by Duckie vet Christopher Green (aka Ida Barr aka Tina C) and La Clique’s Ursula Martinez. We previewed it here.
Talking of Ida Barr, the old dear is straight outta retirement and up to some festive fun, beguiling all and sundry with bingo balls, bling and hip hop at the Arts Theatre. Just don't call it a comeback.
For recession-friendly frolics, roll up to Edinburgh Fringe favourite Spiegel Tent for their Variety Club which tonight gives us an eyeful of hula-hoopster Pippa The Ripper, comedy magician Owen Lean and one-wheeled wonder Richard Sullivan.
Twanging more heartstrings, Tricity Vogue holds her Christmas Ukulele Cabaret at the Lincoln Lounge. You can walk in for a very round price to hear la Vogue plus Jo Stephenson, Uke Attack!! Uke Attack!! and the Marauders.
Pop-up cabaret dining experience The Pale Blue Door hold their Christmas Panto Number Five from tonight until December 22 with A Man To Pet providing entertainment.
Hot off the Youtube presses is the video for Christmas In Soho. You can purchase the song at iTunes with proceeds going towards the non-profit organisation Status set up to encourage people to get tested for HIV. The launch party is tonight at Madame Jojo's.