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London Elects Update 1: Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist

We’ve not lately delved into what’s been bubbling away in the run-up to London’s elections next year. So Wilkommen, Bienvenu, Welcome to this new and possibly occasional feature to catch up with what’s going on out there. Let’s have a rummage and see who’s up …

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Mayor Bozzer?

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, MP for Henley, journalist, historian, author and everyone’s favourite upper-class twit is being considered as the Conservative candidate for London’s mayor. After being questioned on whether he would like to run in 2008 against Mayor Ken, Boris enthusiastically harumphed, “Being …

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London/New York Rivalry Stops (Well, Temporarily)

New York and London have always had a bit of rivalry going on, about who’s best. In recent times, London seems to have got the edge – New York’s Mayor, for example, expressed worries that London was moving ahead as the world’s financial centre. And …

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Ken & Chavez Get Oily Together

Mayor Ken has blockaded himself inside a safe house in the country. Why? To escape the hired goons that Shell and BP and Texaco are sending around to break his kneecaps. Ken has signed a deal with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to receive oil relief …

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Traffic Down, Congestion Up

Everyone’s talking about the C-charge today. Five days before the extended western zone comes into play, there are a few pre-launch jitters. Although the number of vehicles entering the original zone has fallen by 20%, congestion and travel tmes are almost back to pre-charge levels. …

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Wembley Dolphinarium Welcomes Giants

All Londonist Sport’s Christmases have come at once. It is being reported that today the NFL, the world’s premier professional league of football American-style, is about to announce that a game will be played between the Miami Dolphins and the New York Giants at the …

Extra, Extra

A jumbo jet was forced into a series of steep dives over London earlier today due to instrument failure. The Standard screams: “The aircraft dropped to its minimum permitted altitude of 1,200 feet meaning it was seconds from a major disaster.” Mayor Ken is being …

Extra, Extra

Seven men are currently in custody after a football-related pub brawl in at the Cutty Sark pub in Thamesmead over the weekend resulted in the death of a 52-year-old man. Diane Abbott and Mayor Ken have warned that London needs more black teachers in order …

Extra, Extra

A man was arrested yesterday afternoon in south east London as part of a major investigation into ‘alleged international terrorism’. On Monday three other men were arrested in Hackney as part of the same investigation. Mayor Ken has announced his plans for an architecture and …

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Rise Up Against Racism

Saturday July 8th sees the 6th Rise Festival taking place at Finsbury Park, Mayor Ken’s freebie anti-racism gig; so maybe the one day in the year when he’ll have to be nice to the Americans. Lord Coxon of Camden is headlining along with The Buzzcocks, …

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Ken Versus America, Round Two!

Oh dear, it’s all going to end in tears. Mayor Ken has said that he’s seriously thinking about unleasing his team of environmentally friendly lawyers on the U.S. government in order to force their diplomats to pay the congestion charge. At a press conference today …