Things To Do Today In London: Thursday 22 March 2018

An evening of burlesque at The King's Head Members Club

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TOTS, TUNES AND TALES: Help your little ones develop confidence and coordination through the magic of song at the Royal Albert Hall, where seasoned storytellers and musicians are on hand to share their tuneful talents with the under 5s. Royal Albert Hall (Kensington), free, book ahead, 10am/11am/12pm

COLLECTIVE INFLUENCE: The 2018 Shape Open has arrived, showcasing works of art across multiple mediums from both disabled and able-bodied artists. Head to a secluded nook of Mile End Park and see pieces that explore the interwoven nature of art, disability and the collective voice. The Art Pavilion (Mile End Park), free, just turn up, 10am-6pm, until 5 April

MAD FOR HATTERS: Whether you're a millinery maven, or simply appreciate the art of accessorising, The Great Hat Exhibition 2018 is for you. See 300 beautifully crafted hats from around the globe before purchasing your own piece of headgear at the pop-up shop. The Living Centre (King's Cross St Pancras), £7.50, book ahead, until 28 March

SCHOOL NEXT DOOR: Class is in session for Portuguese performance and visual artist Rita GT, whose latest installation explores past and present narratives of immigration in West London. Starting today, her 'school' will be running three days of lessons where the artist becomes both student and teacher. 50 Golborne Gallery (Notting Hill), free, just turn up, 2pm-6pm, until 3 April

PINTS 'N PUDS: Donut miss this decadent evening of desserts and beer at Mason & Company's Pudding Club. Sweet treats including Neapolitan ricotta donuts and salted caramel pots will be expertly matched with complementary beers, and you'll even get a tasting brochure to guide you through the pairings. Mason & Company (Hackney Wick), £15, book ahead, 5pm-11pm

A performance art piece that takes you back to school

SYNTH SKILLS: What better way to up your hipster credentials than with a sound synthesis taster class? Having been introduced to a whole new world of sound creativity, you'll be Kraftwerking it in no time. Morley College London (Lambeth), £5, book ahead, 6.30pm-7.30pm

SIMON TALBOT: Hoping to break into the British comedy scene, this Copenhagen-based comic is one of Denmark's biggest standups. With Make Denmark Great Again, Simon Talbot guarantees laughs aplenty and a weird accent (his words, not ours!). The Bill Murray (Islington), free, just turn up, 6.45pm-7.45pm

SCI-FI STAGING: Prepare to have your expectations of contemporary theatre obliterated: Talos 2018 has landed to showcase science fiction plays from around the world. Expect clones, unicorn fights and even robot actors in the first UK festival dedicated to sci-fi on stage. The Bread & Roses Theatre (Clapham), from £12, book ahead, 7pm, until 25 March

WHISKY AND BLUES: With a live blues band and five whiskies to sample, this South London tasting looks set to be a rather dram-atic evening. Tooting Tram and Social (Tooting Broadway), £10, book ahead, 7.30pm-10.30pm

NATURE CALLS: Take a walk on the wild side with a night of burlesque and cabaret at the Honey Suckle Revue show. A menagerie of performers, transformed into foul-mouthed mermaids and rare creatures from the jurassic age will be strutting their stuff. The Kings Head (Dalston), £17, book ahead, 8pm

Good cause of the day

Mayfair members-only nightclub TRAMP is opening up its doors to the general public for an 80s-themed extravaganza in aid of Kids, a charity that supports children and young people with disabilities. So dust off those shoulder-pads and put on your dancing shoes — there's a special prize for best dressed to be won.

Fun things to do with our friends and sponsor Funzing...

LOVE Dim Sum? Learn to Make Delicious Dim Sum!

Fancy some Dim Sum fun? From making and rolling the dough to preparing the fillings and forming the parcels, William will show you everything you need to know to become a Dim Sum pro. William will also teach you the etiquette of Dim Sum - learn what to order and how to order, in Cantonese! Get tickets

Interviews With British Serial Killers

Could you spent hours on end satiating your morbid curiosity by researching serial killers? Hey, you're not alone. Insight into the criminal psyche is a fascinating topic and one covered in this talk by retired police officer, Paul Harrison. You'll encounter the stories of three of the UK's worst serial killers, from their childhoods to their crimes. With over four decades of experience in the Criminal Justice system, join Paul to work through the facts, uncover the details, and get inside the heads of these killers to discover what truly motivates a murderer.  Get tickets

Become Robin Hood for the Day in an Archery Class

Ever fancied yourself as Robin Hood? Join the 2020 archery team in London Bridge and discover how to shoot. The 1.5 hour 'get started in archery' class will teach you how to shoot (relatively) accurately as well as the scoring system and key archery terminology. The session finishes with a mini-competition where you can show off your new-found skills. Get tickets

Sex, Death and Shopping: The Soho Tour

We all know Soho is changing - and fast. But does the Soho of decades past - fiercely independent, occasionally seedy, always flamboyant - still exist? Antony Robbins claims it does - if you know where to look. A former director at the Museum of London, Robbins now leads walking tours of Soho, delving into the area's past and present. His Sex, Death and Shopping tour covers scandals of yesteryear through to present-day erotica - taking in hidden gardens, sinister histories, and little-known facts of famous places. A bit sinister. A bit salacious. And exceedingly well-tailored. It's a tour to have you falling in love - or lust - with this part of London all over again.  Get tickets