Time once again to gaze into our crystal ball and glimpse London's near future. After more than a decade of publishing these predictions, Londonist is now regarded as the capital's very own Nostradamus*.
January
It's been a turbulent time for the Department for Education, with five Education Secretaries since July. The government turns to a noted educationalist from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His experience as "Defence Against the Dark Arts" master (only the sixth in six years) should bring much-needed stability to the role.
February
To mark 300 years since the death of Sir Christopher Wren, a major renovation of St Paul's Cathedral is announced. The dome of Wren's masterpiece will be elevated by up to 100 metres, to better compete with nearby skyscrapers.
March
Owing to a severe budget squeeze, Transport for London's escalator replacement programme is hit with serious cut-backs.
April
As Croydon becomes London Borough of Culture 2023, its famous Ikea store (with historic chimneys) is converted into an immersive production of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Chew on the never-ending meatballs, assemble the great flatpack elevator, and spend hours exploring the labyrinthine corridors wondering how you'll ever get out.
May
King Charles III is crowned. Last time we got a new monarch, two Londoners invented "Coronation chicken" — cold chicken in a yellow mayo sauce. This time round, the cost-of-living crisis means we have to make do with less extravagant fare. "Coronation turf" combines reconstituted mowings with compacted horse matter from the procession route.
June
In the Square Mile, the world's first artificial mountain nears completion.
July
Greggs wins sponsorship rights to the London tube map. The multi-million pound deal will see every branch of the bakery chain appear on the diagram.
August
Long-running industrial action on the rail and tube networks continues. Unfortunately, the shutdown coincides with a strike by camera crews and photographers. Desperate journalists raid their children's toy boxes to provide images for their coverage.
September
London's ever-shifting advertising culture latches onto a bold new trend. Dubbed "prognostic PR" or "crystal ball marketing", the technique celebrates future accolades, awards or accomplishments that haven't yet happened. Creatives start writing 5* reviews for shows that haven't even auditioned, while unbuilt tower blocks in Wandsworth are deemed to be icons of the London skyline. In truth, the trend began years ago, as these photos show.
October
4 October would have been Charlton Heston's 100th birthday. Londoners celebrate by organising a location-appropriate chariot ride.
November
It's 400 years since the publication of the First Folio of Shakespeare's plays. A celebratory "trail of vibrant installations, to help Bankside visitors interact with the Bard" does not live up to the hype.
December
As calls grow to place a statue of Queen Elizabeth II on the Fourth Plinth, the Mayor's office announces the final artistic commission for the space. The structure will be dug up from Trafalgar Square and turned upside-down, to suggest that the entire planet Earth now rests upon the plinth.
See how we predicted the year ahead for 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021 and 2022 and leave your own predictions in the comments below.
*Sorry, that's a fib. Hardly anyone ever reads this annual article and we put it together for our own amusement.
All words, images and bad photoshopping by Matt Brown
