London's accumulating a mass of skyscrapers with ridiculous gimmicks aimed at creating hype. We've catalogued some of our favourites. Then we thought: why let architects have all the fun? Let's think up even more over-the-top gimmicks. We hope to see some of these get the green light soon.
Built from Lego
Let's all place bets on how long it is till a life-size skyscraper is built out of Lego. Any day now surely, considering the onslaught of Lego related PR stunts in our city.
Former Top Gear presenter James May did once try something similar by building a full size Lego house, so in principle it could be done. However, that house was knocked down not long later after no one showed any interest, because... it was a Lego house. Clearly, May's issue was not thinking big enough.
Imagine the view from your office window. This morning you were greeted by Hampstead. Over lunch your gaze stretched out to Stratford. Finally you left work by bidding farewell to Crystal Palace in the distance. This could be reality with a rotating skyscraper. Also we're not talking about one piddly floor rotating, a la the BT Tower — we want to see a whole building swirling in the sky.
In fact, there were once vague concept designs for a rotating skyscraper in London. However it looks like the design is shifting to Dubai. That said, Dubai's tower has been besieged by delays, so we're confident London could pip them to the post.
Elevators are just too slow. Know what would be so much easier? Hopping into a harness and diving off a skyscraper into the bustling city beneath. There is a skyscraper in Macau that offers such an experience, so would it be such a leap (sorry) to see it in London?
What if instead of scraping the sky (and the barrel), a tower did the exact opposite. Let's get an inverted skyscraper — one that towers beneath the earth. It would immediately bypass all those sightlines issues, although it would have to be careful not to hit any of London's many tunnels and sewers beneath.
There's a conference in New York, the entire office needs to attend. Sure they could all fly there individually, but where's the fun in that? Instead bring the entire building with you. Sure, it might just be your floor that needs to attend the meeting, but who doesn't love a day out. Anyway, they'll hardly notice any disturbance when the building flies back home in time for dinner.
Haven't you heard: pop-ups are just so in right now. With each one trying to outdo the other in an arms race of wackiness, how about a pop-up skyscraper? It'll only take about four years to build, open for a few months, then torn back down immediately. Who wouldn't be hyped about that?
If any architects wants to pilfer one of these genius ideas, we're happy to accept new luxury office space in the skyscraper in lieu of payment. If any other amateurs like ourselves have any ideas, put them in the comments below.