This week's tip: if you're feeling a little on the cold side as you wander around London, feel free to slip into something lovely and warm, like a cabaret venue. With zip, zero and zilch ado, here are this week's zingers.
Zinger Of The Week: Duckie's Christmas Party @ Royal Vauxhall Tavern, Friday
Duckie have had a fantastic year. As well as their famed Saturday blowout at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern (Jarvis Cocker was on the decks just last week, don't you know), they celebrated their sweet 16 at the Royal Festival Hall and have produced full-blown shows like this summer's Lullaby and their current Copyright Christmas, both at the prestigious Barbican.
This Friday, they celebrate with a night of fun, frolics and tunes from the Readers' Wifes. Keeping the party rocking RVT-style will be the rather cute world-record setting hoopster and La Soiree veteran Jess Love alongside performance artist Ryan Styles, La Clique's Ursula Martinez and hostess-with-the-mostess Amy Lamé. Best of all, entry to the whole shebang is FREE. Go.
Tonight, we strongly suggest you go "down there" for some subterranean sauciness as Des O'Connor's free show at the CellarDoor unleashes songs which are (in his own words) "beyond filth".
Pop-up cabaret dining experience The Pale Blue Door hold their Christmas Panto Number Five with A Man To Pet providing entertainment.
Christopher Green - the clever chap behind Office Party and Duckie - gives us a rare solo show as country-singer Tina C who will be sharing songs like "I Thought I Left You (What You Doin' Alive?)" at the Arts Theatre.
Rock up to the Tristan Bates Theatre to see Londonist favourites Pistol & Jack explore their Christmas Sack. If there’s a better and funnier live mashup act out there, we haven’t seen them.
Close-up expert Katherine Rhodes will be amazing all and sundry at Wilton's Magic Show.
If the cockles of your heart need some attention, take them down to the Royal Vauxhall Tavern where cabaret’s Philosopher King David Hoyle is holding his weekly session of Winter Warmers. Helping to keep it hot hot hot will be his guests Gerry Potter plus Helen Noir and Darryl Berr.
They've already sent up the latest John Lewis ad with some aplomb but Bourgeois and Maurice are not yet ready to hibernate. Quite the opposite - their new show is (at least) their third in a year after they proved that they couldn't dance at Sadler's Wells and rocked out the downstairs part of Soho Theatre. The latest effort rags on society's obsession with consumerism by berating/celebrating the antics of those summer scallies who rioted all in the best possible taste. More information here.
If Duckie's Christmas Party isn't tempting enough, they also have a free Christmas market in the Barbican Foyers. It's free and open until 9:30pm.
The Kiki Club is back for some Christmas cabaret antics at a secret location (no, we don't know either). What aren't secret are the acts (including that dark vaudevillian Mr Pustra) or the dress code (1920s-1940s). More information here.
If you only see one circus show this year, you really should get out more. Having said that, if you want some pre-Christmas cheer then La Soiree will certainly perk you up. We saw them recently and can honestly say that we haven’t seen spectacles this big since Dennis Taylor started wearing contact lenses. We previewed the show here.
Float like a butterfly, sing like Milli Vanilli: master mimers The LipSinkers are at Bistrotheque.
Money can't buy you love but it will get you a ticket to Duckie's poignant pisstake of modern capitalism, Copyright Christmas at The Barbican.
They’ve been around the block a few times yet, thirty years on, the fab threesome Fascinating Aida still pack a hell of a punch. They'll be at the Charing Cross Theatre until 7 Jan with their dark witted songs about dogging, sexual envy and international banking which will have you laughing all the way home. Especially if you have been on any cheap flights from a certain Irish company…
FYI The last Boom Boom Club of the year at the Old Vic Tunnels is sold out. Roll on 2012.
With dwarf names like Fag Hag, Muscle Mary, Sub, Dom, Skinhead and Butch Dyke, you should have some idea of what you’re letting yourself in for. Snow White & The Seven Poofs is at the Leicester Square Theatre.
We say a sad farewell this week to the Pleasance Theatre's Office Party, the highly interactive experience which blends music, games and no small amount of naughtiness. Last show: December 17.
If you've spent all your money on Christmas presents, you'll be glad to hear that there's a couple of free options tonight. The Spiegel Variety Club gives an eyeful of hula-hoopster Pippa The Ripper, comedy magician Owen Lean and one-wheeled wonder Richard Sullivan while Vanilla Lush is the star turn at The Cellardoor's Life's A Drag.
If you really are too cool for school, let your hair down at the Cafe de Paris ce soir as Kitsch Lounge Riot let the likes of Darren Day, Loyd Grossman and Chris "Unbelievable" Kamara on stage and behind a mic.
Do the twist again, like you perhaps did last year, at the Canal Cafe Theatre's Twisted Christmas show. Nathan Dean Williams hosts and performs at this darkly festive night of comedy.
Ex-South Londoner and rather fine singer Phillip Jeays can be found on the Battersea Barge tonight. He’s escaped a Marc Bolanesque fate, wowed the crowd at Edinburgh and will be performing songs from his recent album London (great title, that).
This week's video shows talented Aussie hoopster Jess Love doing her thang. Catch more of her on Friday.
Cabaret Zingers bids you seasonal greetings and all the best for 2012. We return on 4 Jan 2012. See you then.