Shock As Kebabs Blasted "Shocking"

Dean Nicholas
By Dean Nicholas Last edited 122 months ago
Shock As Kebabs Blasted "Shocking"

Wielding the knife at Dionysus, by Beatdrifter
Getting their entry in to the Ig Noble awards, a governmental group has declared that the wholesome kebab is, in fact, not the healthiest dinner option available. A nationwide study has revealed that the average doner contains 1,000 calories, while the most gut-abusing specimins contain up to 277% of an adult's daily salt intake. The south-east, including London, offers kebabs with an average of 1.066 calories.

The Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services (Lacors), who authored the study, consider their findings a little on the surprising side, suggesting they´ve yet to sample a kebab. Their grasp on reality is further undermined by the following quip, courtesy of spokesperson Geoffrey Theobald. Reflecting on the relatvie lack of difference, health wise, between 'small' and 'large' kebabs, Mr Theobald mused:

"While some people may think they are making sensible choices by ordering a small kebab, this study showed little difference between small and large kebab weight."

In the history of post-pub gastronomy and after-club cuisine, has anybody ever thought that stepping into a kebab shop is a "sensible choice"? It's a decision often borne out of desperation, as past 11pm there´s usually no other option.

Furthermore, why pick on the humble kebab? It's hardly the only culinary casualty out there. The Gradgrinders in Gordon Brown´s Britain love to point out our physiological flaws and jab the accusing finger at our burgeoning waistlines, but really, does it matter? The kebab may not be part of a "calorie controlled diet", but it remains a simple, guilty pleasure, and in these times of economic disaster, we don´t need life lessons.

London itself has a rich kebabbage culture, fortunately, including Iranian, authentic Turkish in Kensington, and even a (perhaps imaginary) spot of unhealthy competition between a couple of rival kebab shops in Archway. But the capital´s got hundreds more, and in a spirit of defiance against the authoritarian anti-kebab elite, we wanna know where the best ones are. Write about your favourite in the comments section, and tell us why you love it so much.

Last Updated 27 January 2009