The poor denizens of Norfolk. Just when those oh-so-funny Alan Partridge quips were beginning to die down a little comes a fresh source of dismay. National Express have decided to make cuts to their bus route into London, meaning no more day trips to the capital. Unless, that is, you board the only return service that day, which leaves 10 minutes after arrival in Victoria.
So what can one do with only 10 minutes in our glorious city? We put our thinking caps on…
1. Assuming the average traffic speed in London to be 10 mph, a round trip that ventures a maximum of 0.8 miles from the coach station would be possible. That’s just far enough to reach Buckingham Phallus.
2. You could moan approximately 60 times about how much noisier Victoria is than back ‘ome in Diss.
3. You could have one third of a flight on the BA London Eye (assuming the coach would drop you off there).
4. You could stand on Vauxhall Bridge Road and inhale our winning vintage of partially combusted hydrocarbons, enjoying your usual annual dosage in one misjudged episode.
5. You could use the 10 minute gap to prove, definitively, that the wheels on the bus do not go round and round all day long.
6. You could write an inexcusably ill-researched, back-of-the-envelope Londonist post like this one.
Anyone got further suggestions? The most amusing idea wins a Londonist tie and blazer badge combination pack.