Lee Allen is not a happy commuter. Blighted by #southwesternfails thanks to the, shall we say patchy?, service from South Western Railways, he's decided to make his feelings clear by launching a South Western Failway 'store'.
In it, you can peruse everything from tins of sardines, to packets of condoms, to the world's slowest running shoes — all slathered with burns aimed at the troubled train franchise.
We should point out that this online store is window shopping only. Though the hilarious products are extremely convincing, they are not for sale. Which is a pity, because we would totally have cracked open a bottle of Slow Gin this yuletide (in our own at home, due to having to skip the office party because of South Western's December-long strike).
Aside from reams of punnage that we're secretly envious of, Allen has also snuck in some wry commentary. The No Guard self defence spray is a nod to the reason for South Western customers' current ire: the strikes are happening, the unions say, because the train operator might completely eliminate the presence of guards on its trains.
There are loads more images to enjoy over on the South Western Failway Store. But at a time when it's increasingly difficult to source original Secret Santa pressies, we just wish these items actually existed.