How To Dress For A Tube-Themed Party

M@
By M@
How To Dress For A Tube-Themed Party
A roundel saying "What to wear"

Everyone gets invited to a tube-themed party at some point. Guests are asked to dress up as one of the 272 stations on the network. That obviously leaves a lot of room for creativity and it can be difficult to know where to begin.

Here, then, are our top costume ideas, ranging from the tried-and-tested, to the utterly surreal.

Bloody obvious ideas

These suggestions are the ones everybody picks. They're still fun to do, but don't be surprised if your costume is not unique.

  • Baker's costume (Baker Street).
  • Paddington Bear costume (Paddington).
  • Pair of wings and white frock (Angel).
  • Football kit (Wembley Park or Arsenal).
  • James Bond (Bond Street).
  • Put your hair up like Amy Winehouse (High Barnet)
  • Bunny costume (Warren Street)
  • Bowler hat (Bank).
  • Lots of safety pins (Pinner)
  • Dog costume (Barking)
  • Monk (Blackfriars).
  • An elephant on your front, a castle on your back (Elephant & Castle)... could be made more unusual by substituting the likeness of Barbara Castle MP... which leads us on to the next section...

More outré ideas

If you're a little more daring or creative, try one of these (some are more practicable than others).

Street art depicting a crown with crab claws on a Union Jack background
King's crustacean as street art. Image: Matt Brown
  • Wear a crown and robes, and carry a lobster on a lead (King's Cross station/King's crustacean).
  • Stick some basmati around your mouth and wear green face paint (Ruislip Gardens/rice-lip gardens); not such a good look if you're trying to snog someone, though.
  • Print out a photo of Harrison Ford's face, colour it green and turn it into a mask (Greenford). Also works with Gerald Ford, Anna Ford and a suite of less-recognisable Fords.
  • Find a child's doll and give it a printed-out face mask of Benny Hill (Dollis Hill/Doll-is-Hill). Like the Greenford idea, this is adaptable to other notable Hills, such as Lauren, Harry, Damon or, um, Octavia. God, what a weird party this is turning out to be.
  • Carry around a sausage on a large fork and periodically go "Der-der, dah daah" (Grange Hill; if you know, you know).
  • Carry a bike horn and intermittently squeeze out an approximation of the riff from Devils Haircut, while wearing a cowboy hat and leather jacket (Tooting Bec/Tooting Beck). Will win you few friends.
Beck Hansen holding a large stereo and a photoshopped-in horn, which is going toot toot
Tooting Beck
  • Dress as a cheesemonger, and carry a tray bearing both Swiss cheese and cottage cheese (Swiss Cottage... the only station named after two types of cheese).
  • Wear a thong, mankini or similar, featuring a picture of a dog at the crotch (Hounslow Central/Hound's low-central).
  • A Klingon facemask with a bright yellow shirt or shawl (Canary Wharf/Canary Worf)
The head of Klingon character Worf is badly superimposed on the body of someone wearing a canary-coloured shawl
Canary... Worf?
  • Team up with another party-goer. One of you dresses as Barbie, the other as Ken (Barbican/Barbie.Ken). Has the downside that you have to stick together all evening.
  • Invite Grammy-winning soul singer Al Green as your plus-one, with either Beth Orton or Beth Gibbons (depending on availability) as your plus-two. (Bethnal Green/Beth 'n' Al Green). This one would definitely win the 'best effort' prize, but might be a tricky one to arrange.
  • Niche one: print out the face of Collaterlie Sisters from The Day Today seven times, and pin them to the lapels of a smart news-reader's jacket (Seven Sisters).
  • Boris Johnson face mask, and drink only Australian beer (Cockfosters).

And if you can't be arsed with a costume...

  • Just drink beer all night (Maida Vale/Maid-of-ale). Only works if you are a maid. And like beer.
  • Keep falling down (London Bridge).
  • Just wear your usual black clothes (Northern line).
  • Smoke weed all evening (Burnt Oak/Burn toke).
  • Turn up at midnight (Leyton/late 'un).

Feel free to suggest further costume (or non-costume) ideas in the comments.

Last Updated 25 July 2022