10 Questions A North Londoner Has About South London

10 Questions A North Londoner Has About South London
So I guess this is how you travel in these parts. Image: TfL

You mean there's stuff south of the South Bank?

I was once told that if you continue south beyond Waterloo station, you fall off the edge of London and end up in the sea, just off Portsmouth.

How does one convey oneself to south London? And around it for that matter?

Because they don't have the tube, right? Or Ubers. I think I read something somewhere about trams or trolleybuses or atmospheric railways or some shit? Is that how you do it?

And why does 'Wankerville' not come up on Citymapper?

I know it exists. I've seen pictures:

Is it true that dinosaurs still roam the land?

I've seen pictures:

Image: © Historic England

What is this 'Morley's' you speak of?

I have heard great tales of your people sustained almost entirely by a promised land of golden-fried chicken sold for prices straight out of the 1960s... Surely tis mere folklore?

What do the people do for entertainment?

Apart from eating chicken. I mean, I know they have Millwall FC, but I said entertainment. Or does everyone still just gather in the Globe on a Friday night to watch Shakespeare's latest play?

A south Londoner's typical meal. Image: Shutterstock

Is Peckham really as good as Camden? Or Mill Hill East? Or Totteridge and Whetstone?

Something, something, snarky comment about Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses.

Why do you call all your parks and heaths commons?

Where I come from, commons are uncommon.

What's that ominous mast thing that's always lurking in the background?

You know, this one:

Image: Shutterstock

Is it Ally Pally's evil twin brother or something?

Why is south London 'Cray' cray cray?

Foots Cray. North Cray. St Mary Cray. St Paul's Cray. St Abraham of Smolensk Cray. We might have made one of those Crays up.

Last Updated 10 January 2020