Slip into your tux/ball gown/posh pyjamas... It's time for the annual Londonist Awards — some* might say the only awards that matter!
And the award for "Great News Followed By Not such Great New" goes to...
FAKE DLR STEERING WHEELS! In January, TfL announced that the new DLR trains would feature dummy steering wheels, making our kids' 'driving the DLR' role play that little bit more realistic. This news was ever so slightly marred in September, when it was revealed the new DLR trains in questions were indefinitely delayed. But we mentioned the fake steering wheels right...
And the award for "Biggest Lie We Told You" goes to...
BERKSHIRE TO BECOME A LONDON BOROUGH! On 1 April (and there, my friend, was the clue) we may have told you a little porky; that London was getting its first new borough in 60 years... and it could be called Sledding. Many of you saw straight through this utter nonsense. A few of you — and we're won't say who — maybe didn't.
And the award for "Circliest Map" goes to...
THE CIRCULAR TUBE MAP! TfL and Samsung must've thought they had this much-coveted award in the bag when, back in February, they slathered Circle line stations with a roundel-shaped Tube map, as part of a well-rounded (geddit?) advertising campaign. It's possible they'd been influenced by a previous effort by Max Roberts, when he updated and republished his own (somewhat better executed) map, which proved a much bigger hit with Londonist readers. What goes around comes around.
And the award for "Most Impressive Comeback" goes to...
CRYSTAL PALACE SUBWAY! Plenty of contenders for this one, including a comeback from everyone's favourite beer they were too young to drink first time around, Double Diamond, and the news that Elvis will be playing a residency in east London in 2025. However, the comeback kid of 2024 had been out of service longer than the King and Double Diamond combined — and is twice as tasty as either of them.
And the award for "I'll Believe It When I See It" goes to...
SADIQ PLANS TO PEDESTRIANISE OXFORD STREET! We've been burnt too many times before. Give us a call when you've got more than mock-ups to show. And while you're at it, chuck in that monorail too.
And the award for "You Put The Lift Where?" goes to...
LIFT INSIDE A WAR MEMORIAL! You've walked past it hundreds of times and not noticed, haven't you? We certainly did. Go and see Liverpool Street station's greatest secret attraction before they do something crazy like, oh I don't know, taking the lift out of the war memorial.
And the award for "We Struggled To Find 10 Camels" goes to...
And the award for "Unlikeliest Art Exhibition" goes to...
MOTORWAY BRIDGES! Specifically, Jen Orpin's paintings of bridges she has passed at high speed — and the surprisingly sad turn of events that led to her love for these under-appreciated structures.
And the award for "I Didn't Realise That Existed But Now I'm Sad It's Going" goes to...
FRENCH RAILWAYS HOUSE! Sacre bleu — why would you demolish this tres jolie building?
And the award for "Why Is It I Only Ever Find Clay Pipes?" goes to...
DISCOVERING A 16TH CENTURY SWORD ON A BANKSIDE BEACH. Some people have all the luck/completely dedicate themselves to mudlarking.
And the award for "Is It Me Or Is That Map Looking Redder Than Before" goes to...
THE 2024 GENERAL ELECTION RESULTS! (See also: the faces of many Tory MPs).
And the award for "Now That's What I Call A Frozen Train Fare?" goes to...
BROCKWELL MINIATURE RAILWAY! £1 return fare since 2003. Take that, Sadiq.
And the award for "Have You Double Checked That Fact?" goes to...
PLANS TO SLIDE THE LATE QUEEN ACROSS A FROZEN THAMES! Londonist's resident random fact finder Matt Brown produced some doozies in 2024, but taking the biscuit was a Guardian article from 1999 that claimed millennium event organisers wanted to use 'modern technology' to freeze over the Thames... and then send Elizabeth II skidding across it. Talk about an ice queen.
*Never met one of these people if they exist though
