Have you got biceps of steel, a rufty-tufty attitude to food, a penchant for intense heat and a bristling, burly beard? Then here’s the job for you.
Historic Royal Palaces is looking for an apprentice ‘turn-broach’ to join its Tudor roasting team at Hampton Court Palace.
The right man (and it has to be a man; there was just the one woman in Henry VIII’s kitchen and she made the puds) will be responsible for preparing massive joints of meat and loading them onto a roasting spit over the gigantic open fire in the Tudor kitchens.
You’ll learn the correct way to turn the meat by hand, slowly and evenly, to create the tender beef of Olde England bluff King Hal would have enjoyed with 600 of his closest friends.
As soon as it’s roasted to perfection, you’ll present the meat for serving in the restaurant to the visitors who’ve been ogling you cooking it. From April the palace will be serving authentic roasts and heritage vegetables every day, alongside historical soups and Georgian desserts (as if giant slabs of meat aren’t quite enough to fill you up).
Uniform is supplied, though don’t expect it to be particularly trendy unless you have a time machine and you’re planning to go back to 1540. No tattoos allowed and the only piercings permitted will be through the side of the cow you’ll be hauling onto enormous iron spikes.
In the afternoons you'll receive a promotion, donning household livery to serve wine from Henry’s recreated wine fountain in the main courtyard, based on the one with which he entertained his fellow king Francis I of France at the Field of the Cloth of Gold. It may be a bit vulgar, with all those shiny red and gold spouts, but Henry loves his bling — and let’s face it — it’s flowing with wine, so who cares?
If you think this is the job for you, you have just two days to apply…
By Sandra Lawrence