Transport From Londonist Launches Radical Tube Upgrade Plan

By Jonn Last edited 57 months ago
Transport From Londonist Launches Radical Tube Upgrade Plan

Do we even need the trains?

On Sunday TfL unveiled its clever new plan to reduce over-crowding on the Northern line during rush hour: tell passengers to get off their backsides and bloody well walk.

Well initially there was some cynicism, but nonetheless, the plan has been a success. A huge success. A bigger, more successy success than we could possibly have imagined.

It’s inspired us, in fact, to find major new savings in London's creaking transport budget. The original plans for the Northern Line extension to Battersea put its estimated cost at an eye-watering £560 million. Using Transport from Londonist's alternative plan, though, we can reduce this by an estimated £560 million – and cut construction time, too.

The trick, you see, is to do away with all that expensive tunnelling and trains and so on, and allow passengers to conduct their journey at street level. Simply touch in at the Oyster reader next to the new Battersea Power Station development, then for a mere £2.80, you can proceed along Nine Elms Lane on foot. The journey to Kennington will take a little longer than planned – an estimated 39 minutes, rather than the original five – but at least it allows interchange with Vauxhall, which is more than you can say for TfL's version.

If this project is successful, we foresee demand for all sorts of new transport links. For decades London has been crying out for a north east to south west transport route, but we've never quite found the money. But fear not: the new ‘Chelney’ line will soon be ferrying you from the boutiques of the Kings Road to the hipster hangouts of Hackney Central in as little as 140 minutes.

The possibilities of this new way of upgrading transport infrastructure are literally endless. No longer will south east London be poorly served, with the new Bakerloo extension whisking you from Bromley to the Elephant in a mere 176 minutes. Sidcup will be in easy reach of the high rise glamour of Canary Wharf, a mere three hours away. Or perhaps you commute from Romford to the West End. Using the new 'Crosswalk' route, you can do the journey in just 365 minutes. Great way to get fit, too.

And if you don't like walking? If you’d prefer we actually stopped mucking around and built some stuff? Well all we can say is that if you'd just commute from North Greenwich to the Royal Docks like you were bloody supposed to, we wouldn't be in this mess. Now quit whining and get your boots on.

Photo courtesy of Annie Mole, taken from the Londonist Flickr pool

Last Updated 12 November 2013