By design or chance, some people end up in jobs suited to their surnames. At school, we had a cookery teacher called Mrs Baker, and an English teacher named Mrs Storey. These are fairly minor cases of 'nominative determinism' (as New Scientist once dubbed the phenomenon). But all over town, you can find excellent examples. We're particularly struck by the number of businesses ran by a Mr X, where X is not only the individual's name, but also his vocation. Here are some favourites:
The service providers
We've all seen Mr Topper's, the budget barbers, fronted by a frog, with outlets across the West End and beyond. Often derided for its no frills hairdressing, the chain should really be congratulated. Imagine the incredulity of Mr Topper's froggy friends when he announced he was training to cut hair — an adornment totally alien to amphibians...as unlikely as a jellyfish training as a dentist. Well, he made it, and now offers the cheapest trims in the city...or at least he did until woofsome beagle Mr Leo muscled into the business.
Elsewhere, you can have your car serviced by Mr Clutch, who has more than a clutch of outlets, with branches in Bromley, Crayford and Croydon. Mr Clutch isn't just named after a clutch...he is a clutch.
Imagine growing up with a name like Pink Limos. You have two options in life: become a respected jazz or blues musician (cf. Muddy Waters, Dizzy Gillespie, Jelly Roll Morton); or open a depot for pink limos in West Hampstead. Needless to say, Mr Pink Limos chose the latter vocation.
Finally, if you're looking for someone to walk your dog, or sit on your cat, or tickle your hamster, or something, then you can't do better than Mr Paws and Claws. We have to suspect that this is not his real name. That would be silly. Nevertheless, Mr P 'n' C looks after four-legged-friends in the inner south-west London area.
Mr Falafel at the Shepherd's Bush end of Uxbridge Road reckons to do 'the best Palestinian falafel'. Perhaps he's friends with Mr Kebab in Mitcham. Snack hunters might consult Mr Pretzels, with outlets in both the Westfields and in Angel. Mr Bagel's can be found on White Post Lane, Hackney Wick, complete with extraneous apostrophe.
We're not sure if he's still plying his trade, but one reader commended Mr Cheap Potato of Acre Lane to our attentions. And spare a thought for the unfortunate Mr Jerk (late of Wardour Street), who must have had a very difficult adolescence.
Want to buy a light? Mr Light is a shining beacon on the Fulham Road. He sells lights, and has done since 1974. If your needs are less specific, seek out Mr All Sorts in Islington. He sells all sorts. And he has celebrity endorsement. One Direction's Harry Styles recently spent £1,300 on vintage bric-a-brac. According to the Daily Mail, "the cheeky chap also reportedly picked up a sign that said 'Poo' for a cool £100". And they say the rock-and-roll lifestyle is dead.
By Mr Getstowritethisshitforaliving