As Bjork said, "it's nice and quiet but soon again starts another big riot." We advise making the most of it by checking out one or more of our cabaret recommendations. With zip, sero and zilch further ado, here are our Zingers for this weekend.
Zinger Of The Weekend: Hot August Fringe, Royal Vauxhall Tavern, tonight
Tonight, it's a treble-whammy of wonderfulness. Andrew Pepper is on at 7pm with a show promising "pink trilbys, French songs, show songs, Yiddish folk songs, tango, milonga, foot stamping, Weimar escapism, Latin lotharios, Willy Wonka" and quite possibly something to wash your dishes in.
At 8:30pm, Lorraine Bowen's Polyester Fiesta blends singing with science to celebrate the 70th anniversary of the flammable fabric which revolutionised clothing a generation ago. We say: if you can remember the 70s, you weren’t properly attired.
Last but definitely not least is Ophelia Bitz's Artwank! at 10:30pm. Hosted by London's bawdiest wench, the selection of vintage porn, songs and expert talkers will keep you up for a later while longer.
Entry is £7 at any part of the night but please contribute to the Hot August Fringe bucket if you stick around for later shows.
The viciously funny Philosopher King of cabaret David Hoyle has reached the vinegar strokes of his Unplugged season at the Soho Theatre with the last shows being tonight and tomorrow. He's a man with more interesting views than Primrose Hill so if you only see one show in a West End basement this weekend, make it this one.
Showing the Wembley builders a thing or two, the alluringly alliterative Lisa Lee will be adeptly turning her recent hit season of DeConstructed shows of work-in-progress entertainment into a fully-formed evening of ten Constructed acts. Join her tonight or tomorrow at the Bibliotheque from 8.30pm.
Over at the Vaudeville Theatre you can find the veteran circus act The Flying Karamazov Brothers. They're not Russian, not brothers and they don’t fly - where’s a trading standards officer when you need one? No matter, we liked.
Don't look now but there's a cool new circus in town. The Arcola Tent is described as "a pop-up venue" but will be around for about a year so you have plenty of time to check it out. For one night only, the Tent will be hosting Dr Clive's Circus new show The Heavy Petting Zoo featuring "interactive burlesque comedy cabaret" and stars include La Soiree's Marawa who was recently seen swinging her hoops on BGT and fire-breather extraordinaire Chrisalys. Its cash only on the door but you can get information and advance tickets here.
Alternately, you make a night of it at Volupté's Vintage Ball as burlesquers Ivy Paige, Bouncy Hunter, Jolie Pappillon and Daisy Diamond entertain diners (2 courses minimum) before the Black Cotton Band take the party up to the kicking out time of 3am.
Making a welcome return to the East End supperclub Cirque des Ombres is back with a cast featuring firebreather Preacher Muad’Dib (don’t ask him about the size of his worm), dark magician Johnny Electrofuzz , contortionist and acrobat Jo Foley, soul singer Sheila Atim and assorted guest stars including Bohemianaut Tom Baker and Freddy Mercury impersonating trapeze artist Marcos The Marvellous. Standing room is free before 7:30.
The Pale Blue Door (£35) is back for the summer and more than happy to provide cabaret entertainment alongside a 4-course meal including beetroot, basil, beef and (half a) bottle of wine, all at a secret location in deepest, darkest
We advise getting your name down for some upcoming events. Chaz Royal, the man behind London Burlesque Week, is holding a fundraiser on October 1st for next year's World Burlesque Games. As well as the usual top tassel-twirling talent from Japan, Australia and the UK, there will be plenty for the ladies too in unicycling city gent boylesk legend Count Adriano Fettucini and the Ronseal of cabaret Craig The Incredible Hula Boy. Information and tickets here.
If you want to have fun and do good simultaneiously, hop on the Steamboat Bordello when it sets sail on August 28. There's a Coney Island Carnival themed party with a separate dancehall and fairground and all of the event's profits being donated to charities that are helping to rebuild communities and support riot victims.
If you miss David Hoyle's last few shows at the Soho Theatre, he'll be back at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern with a new show in November.