If you failed to secure your front row seat at London Fashion Week then you'll be looking to save some squids to splash cash on champers and Botox. Stay ahead of the in-crowd with LOTC as they don't know shit about this stuff, it's way too cool and cheap. Cut your own edge and keep hold of your readies.
Tonight: Get uber cool and drunk at the PM Botox 69 group art show at the C22 pop up shop, 22 Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8AG - the park bench place. It's a closing art show party, 50+ artists - performance by Raoul Pina. "all welcome to get pissed " is the order of the evening (hint: you may want to BYO).
Or take a valuable lesson in 'How To Be A Total Cunt' with Bourgeios and Maurice. The performance lasts 15 minutes and is presented 4 times over one evening. "The more times you see it, the better a cunt you'll be. At Digitaria, 60 Berwick Street. £2.49, Exact change only. No cards. No late admittance. No wheelchair access. No children. No phones. No refunds." Could be handy for London Fashion Week.
Friday: Join the free taster tour of the National Gallery's collection between 7-8pm. Perfect for genning up on your masters before impressing an impressionable date.
Or if you like your art a bit more leftfield - the Oubliette Arthouse in Mayfair host "Ten seconds on speed" free, between 7-10pm. A group of artists will interpret an action in ten seconds in any shape or form as the audience circle them counting down from ten to one. The brainchild event of Lee Campbell and featuring Mark McGowan, Frog Morris, Calum F. Kerr, Cinzia Cremona and, possibly, you.
Saturday: It is, of course, Open House weekend so go nuts, architecture fans.
If you're not buildings inclined, party hard at the Bermondsey Street Festival will kick off in the smart new square with live bands, live comedy, belly dancing and an evening outdoor screening of Romeo and Juliet from organiser Rob Wray's Shortwave Cinema. The fun spills into Bermondsey Street and Tanner Street Park
with a dog show and more. Watch out for an appearance by Nigel of Bermondsey.
Or, further south, slip amongst the crowd at the FolkUs Festival, Sanford Housing Cooperative, Sanford Walk New Cross SE146NB for Bands, Art, Film, Performance, Community, Discussions. With capital letters. Be there for the return of the Sanford annual celebration "promoting great music and art as well as co-operative/sustainable living". Noon-late. Free. Take your own White Lightning (a local told us that - top tip).
Sunday: Lewisham Country Fair offers you "The free retro-style event will include vintage frocks, prize jams, London's meatiest sausages and the best of Lewisham’s home grown talent" plus Boney M and the Brockley Ukulele Group (although, not on stage at the same time). 12-6, free in Cornmill Gardens opposite the station.
In Brockwell Park you'll find the Urban Green Fair where you can get eco-active, enjoy a solar cinema (surely only if the sun shines?), bump into Mark Thomas and be a part of a 'summer' feast. Free entry, 11am-7pm.
When you're done down there, get back into town for the Quizzer Sisters unique post festival fallout quiz upstairs at The Fellow, Kings Cross, from 7pm. Just £1 per person to be bemused by rounds on “I went to a festival and took with me”, Get Your Bongos Out for the Lads, Design at VIP Pass and Poo or Stew - amongst other classics. You can win tickets to sought after gigs and even more sought after drinks so the entertainment might be even cheaper than you thought.
Monday: Is all about conspiracy theories with David Aaronovitch at Skeptics in the Pub tonight at the Penderels Oak, 7.30-11pm, £2 donation.
Tuesday: Stay in and do your life laundry! Don't you know it's London Fashion Week?
Wednesday: Dr Johnson gets discussed tonight at Barbican Library from 7.30pm. For just £5/£3.50 conc, discuss London's favourtie lexicographer, poet, literary expert, rambler and cat owner.
Tip us off! Tell us what's happening in your neighborhood that's a bargain and buckets of fun or culturally cut price. We need eyes and ears. Thanks!
Image from inside a Brunswick Centre flat, Open House 2008 by Dean Nicholas