If our coverage of the latest terror-alertage has seemed a little light the reasons are two-fold. 1) We got the nod from Downing Street early last week that this would be a good time to get out of the country so a small percentage of Londonists missed all the kafuffle by braving the dangerous skies just prior to the balloon going up or by relaxing on Eurostar with more hand luggage, reading material and MP3 players than you could shake a small vial of nitroglycerine at. And 2) The Londonist servers needed a bit of an overhaul after a routine check found that they were actually a couple of Sinclair ZX81s held together with brown tape and a sticker that said BUY BRITISH.
So these bastards managed to bring the UK's airports to a standstill eh? And the terrorists are an alleged pain in the arse too. Good job the high tech security measurements of shoving your crap in plastic bags while pouring potentially dangerous chemical together in a big vat managed to stop any more of these Johnny-bomb-latelys. Then again they could have just taken one look at the insane queues and decided it was a better to stay home and wait for things to settle down. If you know that your vodka and coke is going to explode once you reach 35,000 feet you don’t want to waste the little time you have left sat in Heathrow - that place is depressing.
So now things are slowly getting back to normal which means you can stop offering to test the breast milk of the girl seated in front of you and start complaining about your lost bags. All 10,000 of them.
Tucked away on that page is the story of one poor chap who may never see his wheelchair again and the more startling news that despite all the new security measures some little kid managed to pull a Culkin:
an investigation has been launched after a 12-year-old boy, reported to be from Penrith, managed to board a plane at Gatwick without tickets on a Monarch flight to Lisbon on Monday.
If these tweenies ever get organised we're DOOMED. Best thing to do is have all children under 13 shipped to their destinations by cattle train - that would give the parents a nice break and save us from the horror of Garfield 2 as an in-flight film option.