Is that a nail in your penis or are you just pleased to see me?

By sizemore Last edited 153 months ago
Is that a nail in your penis or are you just pleased to see me?

The power of religion is a curious thing - make a one man weep, make another man sing. Oh hang on that was the power of love wasn't it? Love's the good one and religion is the nutty one. Case in point will be taking place in the for once aptly named Gravesend town centre this Friday:

THE crucifixion of Christ will be re-enacted in Gravesend town centre in front of churchgoers and shoppers. This is the fourth time the vivid scenes will be acted out in public...

That'll be fun to watch while walking home with your chocolate eggs then. Be thankful they don't have the budget of Mel Gibson to play around with.

As much as we support bringing back real crucifixion to punish 4x4 drivers we don't fancy standing around a shopping centre watching a group of nutjobs pretend to kill another nutjob - it's just a little too dungeons and dragons* for us. Mainly though we fear that there will be a lack of attention to historical detail. For example, will they be observing the recent theory that JC was nailed to the cross by his cock?

Romans had a broad and cruel imagination. Their crucifixion methods probably evolved over time and depended on the social status of the victim and on the crime he allegedly committed, says the paper in April’s issue of the RSM journal. The cross could be erected “in any one of a range of orientations”, with the victim sometimes head-up, sometimes head-down or in different postures. Sometimes he was nailed to the cross by his genitals…

If the positioning of that extra nail ever makes it into the rulebook it would add an extra hand movement when making the sign of the cross (up, down, left, right and undercarriage), but it still doesn't beat our mythology of choice. If you want real fun you have to go with the Norse gods every time.

Note: Londonist respects the beliefs of dungeon masters, elves and trolls and did not intend to mock the role-playing gaming community

Last Updated 11 April 2006