Why do we live in London?

By sizemore Last edited 156 months ago
Why do we live in London?

It's expensive, crowded, polluted, dangerous, a potential terrorist target...

Yeah, yeah, but it's also ALIVE. Unlike the rest of the UK, which in the immortal words of Shaun of the Dead, has an arm off. And by that we mean it's a seriously fucked up place. No wonder so many people flee here for refuge from the 'special' people who inhabit the wastelands beyond the M25. We should know better than to head thataway, but every now and again a Londoner or two find themselves on the wrong side of the big smoke and there be dragons. And by dragons we mean homophobic, small minded pricks who probably think Life on Mars is a documentary:

A gay couple's stay in a country hotel took on, in the words of a judge, "elements of Fawlty Towers" when first they were told to sleep in separate beds, then locked out overnight and, finally, threatened with a beer tap that they mistook for a handgun

The couple called the police after hotelier Robert Bush told them that he was a bloody good shot!. Although the weapon he brandished was subsequently believed to be a beer tap, the police did find an empty handgun box along with a rifle and a shotgun and Mr Bush said his comment about being a "good shot" was simply a reference to his prowess in throwing beer taps.

That sounds perfectly feasible. As does his reasoning for being a twat:

Asked about his attitude towards homosexual men, he said: "I am not homophobic. I have friends who are gay." But he added: "In a small village like Overton everyone watches everyone else all the time. I would have had the mickey taken out of me for a couple of weeks. I have a good reputation and like to keep my reputation." He admitted "smirking" but said he found it amusing when anyone was locked out.

Londoners, travel beyond Zone Six at your peril. This village of the damned was only 60 miles outside of central London. Go further afield and you're in danger of being burned as a witch if the locals spot you wearing magic white headphones...

Last Updated 24 February 2006