Why haven’t Quorn invented the Quornish pasty yet? And why are there no human-rated giant-rubber-ball-based danger sports? Well, today we can strike one item from the list of things that should have been thought of years ago. As you’ve no doubt already seen, the BBC are making a kids show based around Tube trains. (!!!!)
‘Underground Ernie’ will chronicle the adventures of some anthropomorphic rolling stock, plus their titular Tube supervisor, to be voiced by Gary Lineker. (For US readers, he’s a famous salesman of crisps – sorry, potato chips.) Twenty-six episodes have been created using state-of-the-art CGI (our illustration may, or may not, show an early conceptual rendering).
Each of the trains has a different character, with Bakerloo being a detective, Circle a hippy chick, Victoria a caring grandmother, Jubilee a gadget-mad teenager and Hammersmith and City competitive twins.
No Northern Line, we note. Perhaps that’ll be the sullen goth cousin to be introduced in Season 2; or the decrepit and wheezing great aunt, doused in eau de colon and causing lengthy delays at (the) Bank.
Ernie will also be visited by trains from other countries to give the show international appeal.
Like us, you’re no doubt already wondering how the standard gauge Tube network is going to cope with trains fitted for that funny old Iberian 1676 mm system.
We are moist and dizzy with anticipation. And judging by the comments left on Annie Mole’s post, there are plenty of other damp and giddy Londoners this evening.
How long before we’re told that it’s cheaper to pay the licence fee by Oyster card?