Dear Mrs Windsor

By sizemore Last edited 163 months ago
Dear Mrs Windsor

We are writing to you again to give you an update on young Charles just before his annual report card is sent home.

Under the circumstances we thought it best to let you know what's been going on this year.

Firstly there is the matter of the bad element that Charles insists on spending time with. We know you've had a word or two with him about Parker Bowles, but we're sad to say that he isn't listening. Once a young chap comes under the influence of an older element it's difficult to get him back on the right track. We'll do what we can here, but you may consider picking Charles up each day to limit his contact with the 'wrong sort' (be careful of the traffic wardens - we hear they get a bonus for coach clamping).

Attendance. Charles has had rather a lot of holidays this year. We know your family like to travel, but if Charles is to do well he may need to keep his feet more firmly on the ground this next term.

There's also the matter of pocket money. Charles seems to have an awful lot and while we'd never call a child 'spoiled' it does raise the question of whether he'll ever be ready to stand on his own two feet once he gets out in the real world. Pardon us for saying, but you won't be around forever. We'd advise you give him no more than £10,000 per day and maybe a pack lunch.

The last thing is something we've mentioned before. Charles will be 57 this year and we still haven't been able to find a good work experience placement for him. One of my colleagues has suggested we try Battersea Dogs Home. It seems that they just took in several litters of Labradors and we thought Charles may enjoy playing with dumb blondes once again. Just a thought.

We look forward to seeing you at the next open evening (as long as your husband can keep his opinions about Mr and Mrs Woo to himself this time).

Last Updated 30 June 2005