Londonist is ever-so slightly flabbergasted this evening. We set out to write a perfectly normal, mid-evening posting, crackling with our trademark wit and satire (no don’t choke into your Chardonnay – it’s so unbecoming). On Paris Hilton of all things. But we have come up against two hurdles. One is the fact that there is actually no point in trying to write something funny about someone who is a walking parody, who consciously or unconsciously......

Fashion v Sport kicks off this week's cultural contributions, opening today at the V&A. Don your favourite shellsuit and examine the unique relationship between fashion and sport (is the missing link money?). Theatrically speaking, there's masses of exciting new stuff to choose from this week. Risk a dramatic shower tomorrow as Timon of Athens opens at the Globe, and the lovely Topol starts crooning his way through Gigi in Regent's Park. If you'd rather......

Paris Hilton arrives at a nightclub, then leaves. The end. Yes, you can all go home now. Class dismissed. Oh, you want more? Fine. That's right folks, London be a lucky place this week. Paris is in town, and the hacks are getting excited at reports she was paid £70,000 to roll up at Kensington's own Mahiki with her rocker boyf and waddle lethargically around, a look of bored insouciance dolled onto her kisser,......

Long dead man gets parking fine. Paris Hilton wants to call her first-born 'London'...after her cat? "I want kids next year, so I have got to get my body ready." Big Scottish party tomorrow Have a happy weekend: Tube strike called off! Image of Hammersmith Bridge courtesy of Lu¡s' via the Londonist flickr group.......

It wasn't so long ago that London-based "social music revolution" website Last.fm was bought out by American media behemoth (no, not the band) CBS. We asked co-founder of Last, Martin Stiksel what it meant for the site - and what on earth is going on with Paris Hilton ... What does the CBS deal mean for Last? Apart from £140m, of course. It means we get the muscle behind us to do all the......

What with Paris Hilton's release earlier this week and the upcoming celebration of American Independence (sorry, Londonist!), we've been thinking a lot about freedom. Freedom to vote, freedom to choose, and most importantly, freedom to blog. Here are a few things we're happy we've been free to blog about this week. Being the nation's capital, DCist felt especially proud to let freedom ring this week by exposing the really important issues, like how sad they......

Holy smokes! Giant fish on the MTA, Paris Hilton in jail, then out, then in again, Al Gore, goatses, blumpkins, Matt Damon, and baby art critics! It's been a busy week across the Ist-A-Verse, and here's a smattering of what's been going on. In Gothamist's neck of the woods, they found out that many things are possible: A man caught a 40+ pound fish off the Rockaways and took it home on the subway. Graffiti......

The nicer the weather gets, the busier we get across the Ist-A-Verse. But we like being busy. Here's a peek at what we've been up to since last week! Chicagoist had an interview with Audrey Niffenegger, whose popular book, The Time Traveler's Wife, was based in their fine city. They also had a heated discussion about Rush Limbaugh's controversial Barack Obama parody, talked about whether Uncle Julio's Hacienda is a good place to get......

There's so much going on across the Ist-a-Verse that it's almost impossible to keep track these days. Fortunately, we do it so you don't have to! Londonist took a walk through Oliver Twist's London, thanks to a gorgeous map layer for Google Earth. They also caught up with modern-day fictional London, with the Fantastic Four and 28 Weeks Later. It was a week of insanity over at DCist. They started the week off with......

This week we'd like to congratulate the -ist network's Mother Hen, Gothamist's Jen Chung, who found herself a recipient of Wired Magazine's Wired Rave Award. If that doesn't sound terribly exciting, keep in mind another recipient was J.K. Rowling. Yep, that's right, the -ist network and Harry Potter now have something in common. Go us. Austinist has a chat with the ever-fashionable Golden Girl Rue McClanahan, and managed to catch some local fashionistas making......

Something a little different this week. Here's how serial stenciler Banksy went about hijacking the new album by exceptionally talented genius-about-town drink-driving airhead Paris Hilton. Watch him doctor the packaging then secrete 500 copies in stores across London and the UK like some latter-day Willy Wonka.......

Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice, for the new series of Green Wing (Fri 9pm C4) is upon us! We don't envy whoever has to go round the Tube taking down all the teaser posters, however. There isn't much we can add to this, except it makes us happy. As does the thought of Adam Rickett being eaten by Lord Freddie Whatsisface - shame that the producers of Alive: Back To The Andes (Wed 8pm Five) chickened......

Being the kind of Londoners who find it difficult to hold onto our money and yet not wanting to live anywhere else we quite understand why someone with a spare twenty million quid or so would want to move here: For billionaire first-home buyers or those recently come into money down Tonbridge way, London's newest development, high-end luxury flats with a price tag of up to £20m, could be just the thing. Planning permission......

TV Troll is hyperventilating right about now. Footballers Wive$ (Thur 9pm ITV1) is back on for a fifth series!!! YESSS!!!!!!!!!!!! (We know, we know, multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind, but ... FOOTBALLERS WIVE$!!!! Oops, there we go again.) For snobs, the criminally insane, and people who live under rocks, all of whom may not appreciate the pure genius of this programme, we offer you the following episode synopsis,......

Steptoe and Son are coming back to London. Not alas to Oil Drum Lane as both Wilfrid Brambell and Harry H Corbett went to that great rag-and-bone yard in the sky many moons ago, but the much loved duo are back nonetheless: A stage play based on classic BBC sitcom Steptoe and Son is opening in London's West End. Steptoe and Son In Murder At Oil Drum Lane, written by the series' creator Ray......

Three men in their early 20s were stabbed in the ticket hall at Holloway Road Tube station last night. One is serious but stable with stomach injuries. The other two have cuts to their hands and arms. One man has been arrested. A reporter for the Daily Mirror has been arrested after trying to land a job at Buckingham Palace. The farce surrounding the rebuilding of the Royal London hospital and St Bartholomew's is apparently......

The London Australian Film Festival kicks off on Thursday 2 March and runs for ten days. The main draw will be outback 'western' written by Nick Cave. The Proposition may be not quite as touchy feely as Brokeback Mountain, but it certainly has more believable facial hair. A Nick Cave/Warren Ellis soundtrack, Guy Pearce, Ray Winstone and John Hurt make this a pretty hot ticket. Also on offer are Jewboy, Look Both Ways, Irresistible......

> Is Paris Hilton the next Madonna? Over the past few weeks she's been constantly referred to in connection with our capital city. First it's claimed she has no idea that London is in the UK, something every Londoner was quite happy about as it makes Madge-esque bouts of Anglophilia decidedly trickier. But then it seems someone gave Paris an atlas because ITV booked her to come over and be a 'roving reporter' during this......

A protest will take place outside the Danish embassy this weekend, over the controversial cartoons printed in the newspaper Jyllands-Posten. The London borough with more speed cameras than any other is....(drumroll)...Croydon. The jury is out in the trial of Former Bay City Rollers singer Les McKeown, who's charged with conspiracy to supply cocaine. Kate Moss has flown out of the UK, possibly never to return. Apparently she's thinking of buying a mansion in Malibu. Well......

Channel 4 is going mad for the cock this week - more so than usual, even. We hope Armin Meiwes is tuning in from his prison cell - in between trying to sue Rammstein, that is. Es ist mein Teil, but a man's relationship with his dick isn't as straightforward as all that, or so TV Troll understands. 4's willy strand will explore the conflicting emotions that arise (aha ha ha) from this tricky......

Over the weekend fresh claims have arisen regarding The Met's 'covering up' of evidence related to the death of Jean Charles de Menezes. And as for the 'real bombers', MI5 have admitted that they've got no leads on the July bombings. Condoleeza Rice is in town to attend the international conference on Afghanistan. Prepare for some bad Wembley news this Tuesday when Multiplex outlines it's 'progress'. New guidelines issued by the Met says that policemen......

Someone in the TV world really hates January. Why? Because to compensate for the month's grey, fuzzy, badly photocopied feel, they've decided to brighten it up with yet MORE imported US screen candy. Yes, Prison Break (Mon 10pm Five) is finally here - exciting, macho, and dumber than a barrelful of rocks, according to Charlie Brooker. It's got thrills, spills, tattoos of prison blueprints (er, whatever) and lots of muscular men looking moody. Will......

The time has come. The waiting is over. Desperate Housewives (Wed 10pm C4) is back, and are we ever excited. We'll trot out the tired old cliché about how its acid-bright façade hides a surprisingly black heart because, hell, it's true; something is rotten in the state of Stepford ... even if we all know that the show doesn't quite have the courage of its convictions and there's occasionally a touch of the hugging-and-learning......

January is, as every primary school kid knows, named after Janus, the double-headed Roman god of gates, doors, beginnings and endings. It's appropriate, then, that this month will see so many of both; we mourn the passing of Lost (Wed 10pm C4) and Rome, and rejoice at the phoenix-like rise of ER (Mon 10pm C4) and Desperate Housewives (currently being trailered on C4). Neither individually will be really sufficient to fill the gap left......

Our friends over at Frightfest release their latest DVDs at the end of the month so if you've found January to be a little low on self mutilation, skinning and human taxidermy then things are definitely looking up with Eyes of Crystal and Tears of Kali. Now we're huge fans of Dario Argento (the whole family really) and while we can still be found traveling on the tube iRivered up with Goblin and screaming......

Well, they did vote him in last May, after all. Yes, as every Londoner knows, the eleventh and most shocking entrant into the Celebrity Big Brother house is "Gorgeous" George Galloway, cigar-chomping scourge of the right, New Labour, journalists, Christopher Hitchens, and anyone who doesn't agree with him. TV Troll was so surprised when the camera panned up to show his smug turnip head, we almost fell off the sofa. The thought of Galloway......

Well, TV Troll was 50% right, which is better than nowt, as salt-o'-t'earth Strictly Come Dancing winner Darren might say. We're still kicking ourselves for not having put money on Shayne to win as we predicted aaaages ago; we could have bought new cushions for the dungeon or something with the winnings. Congrats to the winners and the runners-up; both finals were superb, although it was a pain in the arse having to swap......

We've spent more time than is good for us in the Trocadero Centre. It hosts the Raindance Film Festival, has a cheap as chips cinema and is still the best place to impress members of the opposite sex with your mole bashing skills. Best of all it's an actual tourist trap in that once you get stuck inside one of the arcades you may as well give up on any hope of ever seeing......

Another pile of 1970's 'brutalism' looks set to tumble. Malbray Ltd. are planning to redevelop the groaning heap of concrete that sits atop the Westminster Bridge roundabout, to create a 913-bedroom, 15-floor hotel. The current six-storey monster was built in the early 1970s as an extension to the Greater London Council offices, but has sat unloved and empty for several years. (Except, of course, for the good guys in Ultraviolet, who used it as......

Paris Hilton will not be getting married at St Paul's Cathedral. The hotel heiress, 'unwitting' porn actress, reality TV staple and archetypal daddy's girl had been dreaming of the ultimate 'fairy tale marriage' at St Paul's and even went as far as writing to Prince Charles to ask for permission (yeah, drag up all those bad St Paul's wedding memories Paris, that'll do the trick). However, St Paul's have but the kaibosh on Paris'......