Things to do this weekend is sponsored by Donmar Warehouse.
VAULT FESTIVAL: Theatre/comedy/cabaret extravanganza Vault Festival wraps up this weekend after two months nestled underneath Waterloo station. Final performances include Danish one-man-show I Run, and slapstick adventure Blue Planet III. Waterloo Vaults, various prices, book ahead, until 17 March
HANSEL AND GRETEL: Anyone aged 2+ is invited to this performance of Hansel and Gretel, about two children who follow a trail of breadcrumbs to a witch's cottage. In this production, it's all told through string puppetry, with plenty of memorable songs to keep little ones amused. Dugdale Centre (Enfield), £10.50/£8.50, book ahead, 16-17 March
CATS ON THE PAGE: Last chance to see British Library's free exhibition all about the cats that feature in literature — and the real-life cats that inspire their writer owners to create such literature. British Library, free, just turn up, until 17 March
GARDEN OF EDEN: Themes of a biblical Eden come to a head in this new art show. Sculptor and painters Dorit Levinstein and Yoel Benharrouche both have works on display; Benharrouche’s radiates block colours, interesting forms, and curved shapes, while Levinstein toys with continuous lines and playful patterns. Eden Fine Art (Bond Street), free, just turn up, 15-23 March
Thrills, foley, and film industry sleaze
Sometimes, it's what the audience doesn't see that makes a production truly chilling. That's the situation in Berberian Sound Studio — the gripping tale of mild-mannered sound designer who finds himself creating grisly sound effects for a gruesome Italian horror flick.
Tom Scutt's acclaimed new adaptation (we gave it 5 stars), transforms Covent Garden's Donmar Warehouse into a 1970s sound studio for a theatrical experience like no other. As the story unfolds, recorded sounds combine with live foley effects to bring the largely unseen gore of giallo horror to life. Chopped vegetables have never sounded so terrifying...
Intrigued? You've got until 30 March to see Berberian Sound Studio at the Donmar Warehouse. Get your tickets from £10 here.
Saturday 16 March
LOVE LESSONS: A certain Bard of Avon once wrote that the course of true love never did run smooth - but that was before The School of Life came along. Learn how to better navigate relationships at the emotional intelligence education company's day-long Learning to Love festival — featuring lectures, films, interactive games, and a keynote address from Alain de Botton. Londonist readers get 20% off — that's a £55 discount — with the code LOVE55. Bush House (The Strand), £199.20 with Londonist discount, book ahead, 9.30am-7pm (sponsor)
ARMY ANIMALS: This interactive BSL-interpreted storytelling session is particularly aimed at families with children who are deaf or hard of hearing. Find out all about animals in the Army, what they do and how they are cared for. National Army Museum (Chelsea), free, book ahead, 11am/1pm
SHELLEY WALK: The people of Keats House switch their attention to another Romantic poet, Percy Bysshe Shelley. Visit sights that were familiar to the poet and his wife, Frankenstein author Mary Shelley. Readings of Shelley's work are part of this guided walk. King's Cross station, £10, book ahead, 11am-1.30pm
21ST CENTURY HOME: One for those who are serious about their home design, this day-long course focuses on histories and myths of the 21st century home. Experts imagine what the architects and designers of the 20th century would have thought of today's homes. Topics including big data, climate change and domestic uncertainty are all covered. Design Museum (Kensington), £15/£12/£10, book ahead, 11am-5pm
WOMEN IN FOLK: As with many industries, there aren't enough women in folk music. Rachel Newton — a musician herself — brings together a panel to discuss why this is and what can be done to change it. A Q&A session follows the debate. Kings Place (King's Cross), £6.50, book ahead, 2pm
SUFFRAGETTE LEGACY: A performer-turned-arsonist who was imprisoned and force-fed over 300 times, Kitty Marion led quite the life. Find out more about the life and legacy of the militant Suffragette, and how her message is still relevant today, in the age of the #MeToo movement. Museum of London, £15, book ahead, 2pm
ALWAYS SUNNY: It's Always Sunny In Peckham. Ok, that's not true, like the rest of London it's often a vague shade of grey. But that doesn't matter to fans of the tv show It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. This is the fourth season of London's best Always Sunny party, expect games, fancy dress prizes and most importantly, flipcup. The Four Quaters (Peckham), £7.50, book ahead, doors from 6pm
ICE, ICE BABY: Take to the ice for an evening of partying with cheesy club kings, Club de Fromage. They play absolute belters from the 1980s and 1990s — just master your ice skates before you try any fancy dance moves. Alexandra Palace, £10, book ahead, 8.30pm
Sunday 17 March
WHERE'S WALLY: Don your Where's Wally outfit and take to Clapham Common for this costumed fun run, raising money for the Literacy Trust. Adults can pick from a 5k or 10k route, with a special 1k route for under 12s. You don't have to wear a costume, but it's a lot more fun if you do. Clapham Common, £35/£20, just turn up, 9am-1pm
AMERICANS IN MAYFAIR: America's history with Mayfair goes a lot further back than the recently-relocated Embassy. Footprints of London guide Michael Duncan leads a USA-themed tour around the posh district, visiting sights including the church where Eisenhower worshipped, and buildings where politicians and rock and movie stars lived and stayed. Stratton Street, £12/£9, book ahead, 10.30am-12pm
MOLE & GECKO: Family-friendly show Mole & Gecko is described as an interactive rap musical that the audience helps to create. It's the story of... well, a mole and a gecko, in a river, on a boat, on a quest for adventure. Aimed at age 5+. ArtsDepot (North Finchley), from £9, book ahead, 11am/2pm
HUNTING FOR ALIENS: Music pairs up with science for this concert-lecture. The Orchestra Of The Age Of Enlightenment kicks things off with a performance of Bach's Cantata Es reisset euch ein schrecklich Ende (A Terrible End Shall Sweep You Away). Then, Professor David Waltham, from the Department of Earth Sciences at Royal Holloway, reveals the latest research in astrobiology — the search for extraterrestrial life. Kings Place (King's Cross), £16.50, book ahead, 11.30am
ST PATRICK'S DAY: Get your best green outfit on and head for the West End if you want to be part of the St Patrick's Day celebrations. The parade begins at 12pm, making its way from Hyde Park Corner to Trafalgar Square, followed by a festival of Irish music, dancing, food and drink in the square. Trafalgar Square, free, just turn up, from 12pm
TROPICAL CONSERVATORY: Ever been to the City of London's tropical conservatory? Nestled among the brutalist towers of Barbican is a green paradise of exotic plants and trees, plus a few fish and the odd terrapin. It only opens to the public on certain Sundays. Barbican, free, just turn up, 12pm-5pm
HOLLYWOOD MUSIC: Sing along to classic tunes from the golden age of Hollywood, performed by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Songs from My Fair Lady, The Sound of Music, Guys and Dolls, The Wizard of Oz and plenty of other films all feature. Royal Albert Hall, £18.45-£71.14, book ahead, 2.30pm
JAMES BOND: The iconic music of James Bond is performed by the Q Music Orchestra, in a show featuring dance performances and former Bond girls. 007 greats including Goldfinger, Diamonds Are Forever, Skyfall, Thunderball, Live And Let Die, Goldeneye and Licence To Kill all feature. Adelphi Theatre, £21.85-£54.85, book ahead, 6pm-8.45pm
SWING DANCING: Dancers of all levels are invited to this evening of swing dancing. Start with a beginners, dance class, then take part in an evening of social dance — no partner is required and the dress code is relaxed. Bishopsgate Institute (Liverpool Street), £10/£8, book ahead, 6.30pm
LONDON BRIDGE TRIO: Chamber ensemble The London Bridge Trio have been performing together for more than 15 years. Tonight, they bring their expertise to Holborn for a concert of work by Beethoven and Felix and Fanny Mendelssohn. Conway Hall (Holborn), £10, book ahead, 6.30pm-8.30pm