Nearly two weeks ago, TfL made the bold move on informing passengers that their buses are liable to move. Specifically with an announcement that said: "Please hold on, the bus is about to move". After. Every. Single. Stop.
People revolted. There was widespread anger in the streets, over this mind-numbing announcement invading the brains of Londoners, determined to point out the incredibly-bleeding-obvious. One of the main issues with the announcement? It often played when the bus was already moving. Much mockery ensued.
So TfL reacted. In its first move, it had the announcement play sooner, which meant the bus was usually still stationary when the announcement played (but not always). Now there's a fix for that too. The announcement's been reworded.
"Please hold on while the bus is moving."
It might seem like a subtle change, but there's something brilliant happening here. This announcement is technically always correct. Whether the bus is still or in motion when it plays, you should always hold on while the bus is moving. We say these eight holy words to ourselves all the time, knowing they are constantly true. When we're on the bus. In the office. In the pub. We whisper it to ourselves as we go to sleep at night.
The rest of London isn't so overwhelmingly positive:
I see that @tfl have changed their arse-covering disclaimer announcement to "Please hold on while the bus is moving". Well done them! But I don't think it's enough - what about seat belts, a 'no standing' rule and a trained Health and Safety Officer on every bus?— Frank Chambers (@frankchmbrs) 26 January 2018
Friday good news: TfL have realised how ridiculous those ‘please hold on, the bus is about to move’ announcements on buses are, so have removed them.— Seb (@sebbyRIOT) 26 January 2018
Friday bad news: TfL have replaced it with equally redundant and ridiculous ‘please hold on while the bus is moving’.
Important update - they have now changed ‘please hold on, the bus is about to move’ to ‘please hold on while the bus is moving’. These are truly the end days.— Kim Cowie (@teaplz) 26 January 2018
Oh good, they’ve added another message to the buses.— Tom Watkins (@Watkins2602) 26 January 2018
“Please hold on while the bus is moving.”
No shit. Any other advice for me, bus?
“Oxygen is important- remember to breathe.”
“Try wearing a jacket when it’s cold.”
“Switching to your pistol is faster than reloading.”
You can expect to continue to hear this announcement until the end of TfL's four week trial, to improve health and safety on buses. So deep intake of breath London. We're not even halfway done yet.