Been missing an evening down the pub? Or date night at the cinema? Or the heady sun-drenched buzz of your favourite festival?
No longer. London candlemakers Earl of East to the rescue, with their new, lockdown-era range of burnables, designed to evoke the days/nights out you've been yearning for.
A collab with creative studio Uncommon London, the candles take their remit very seriously. The pub wouldn't be the pub without the sticky carpets and eau de urinal cake. What would a festival be without the burger-truck's meaty promise, and the faint perfume of mildewed tent? And what self-respecting cinema would let you leave without the smell of warm popcorn and elderly hot dog clinging to your hair?
Promising a warm embrace of reconstituted pork and teenage hormones, the Cinema candle talks a romantic game.
...a heady fusion of salt popcorn, foam banana and glistening hot dog, enveloped in a fug of recirculated air. A waft of cloistered contraband chicken meets the allium tang of adolescent boredom, laced with juicy notes of melting slushie syrup. An evocative blend, with just the faintest whisper of third base in the back row.
The Festival comes clad in summery artwork, and promises to transport you to a world of sweat, sunburn, spun sugar and greased meat.
On first read that conjures up more of a funfair, Coney Island circa 1965 than, say, third day of a wet Glasto. But we've cross-referenced the warm booze, weed and general showerlessness against all of our festival experiences ever and it tracks.
...a floral haze of cut grass, burned skin and sun-warmed cider, with just the merest shimmer of distant portaloo. Top notes of burger van and singed candyfloss bloom above an earthy bed of unwashed hair and dew-damp sleeping bag. A resonant bouquet, tied with a ribbon of sweet cannabis smoke.
And finally, the Local. We're so glad they went with an old-school boozer energy here. If we wanted our flat to smell like a nice gastropub then frankly we would 1. learn to cook actual food, and 2. clean it more often.
...evokes the classic British boozer. Top notes of spilt beer, hair pomade and chip fat jostle amongst a pungent base of varnished teak and sticky carpet. A waft of testosterone gives way to the ersatz-lemon of a urinal block, as the salted breath of pork scratchings is soused in cheap rosé and freckled with cigarette ash. A potent fragrance that lingers, like the melancholy ramblings of an old inebriate.
These blasts of normality aren't cheap: £45 each, which is more than we would usually spend on a candle, and also, more than we would usually spend on eight candles. And yes, there are cheaper and more direct ways to make your home smell faintly of Portaloo.
But on the other hand, the proceeds are going to the very lovely Hospitality Action. It's cheaper than many an IRL festival.
And if you've been yearning for the good old days of Being Out, these might temporarily scratch the itch — or put you off going out forever. Either way, your longing for a bit of Anything-But-Lockdown: solved.
Buy the Earl of East and Uncommon London Scents of Normality range here, at £45 a candle.
