Things To Do Today In London: Wednesday 13 December 2017

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Christmas has been cancelled...but ChristMESS is going ahead as planned at the Hunter Penrose.

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EAST LONDON VOICES: Part exhibition, part retail pop-up, part performance, this one-day event of art, fashion, food and music celebrates the creatives who began their careers at Old Spitalfields Market in the late 1990s. Old Spitalfields Market, free, just turn up, 11am-9pm

BUBBLE BROS SPRITZ BAR: You won't find any soggy sprouts or dry turkey at this Christmas lunch. Instead, you get to go behind the taps and treat yourself to three hours of unlimited prosecco and pizza from Pizza Pilgrims. 134 Columbia Road, £32.48-£43.14, book ahead, 1pm and 4.30pm

CHRISTMAS CAROLS: We've all enjoyed carols in a church but not many can say they've heard Away in a Manger on a ship that has navigated the world (or a replica of one, anyway). Head to the main deck of the Golden Hinde for singing, mulled wine and mince pies. The Golden Hinde, £3, book ahead, 6pm-7.30pm

A YEAR IN REVIEW: Wondering what happened to the placards from 2017’s Women’s March on London? You'll find some of them in these archives alongside new additions documenting LGBTQ nightclub life from 1980s to today. Bishopsgate Institute, free, just turn up, 6.30pm-9pm

RICHARD AYOADE: Line up to have your copy of The Grip of Film signed by comedian and actor Richard Ayoade, and enjoy 10% off any other purchases you make on the night. The Bookseller Crow on the Hill (Crystal Palace), free entry, just turn up, 6.30pm-9.30pm

Best arrive hungry for this Nigerian feast hosted by sisters Jess & Jo Edun.

CHRISTMESS AT THE IMAGINARIUM: Christmas has been cancelled at St Nicky's HQ, so Father Christmas and his rebel elves are encouraging you to be as naughty as you like. By naughty we mean splashing out on unique presents in the grotto gift shops or heading upstairs to visit the absinthe fairy, sip cocktails and dance on the tables. Hunter Penrose (Southwark), from £55, book ahead, 6.30pm-11.30pm

QUEER ANTHOLOGY LAUNCH: Dig out your finest Communist Christmas outfit and head to the launch of Not Here: A Queer Anthology of Loneliness featuring readings from the likes of Olivia Laing, author of the beautifully written Loneliness and the City and Richard Dodwell, founder of Pilot Press. Housmans Bookshop, £3.61, book ahead, 7pm-9pm

ANTIC FOLLIES CABARET: Expect unpredictable comic mayhem from Chris Lynam, surreal stunts from Michael Brunström, plus performances from a fire and hula hoop artist, a ventriloquist and gypsy swing from the house band at this alternative comedy and cabaret night. Jamboree (Limehouse), £5, just turn up, 7pm-11pm

NIGERIAN SUPPER CLUB: Listen to afrobeats and pull crackers before tucking into a three-course Nigerian feast from two sisters who are carrying on their late grandma's tradition of dishes made with love and packed with flavour. The Old Nuns Head (Nunhead), £35, book ahead, 7pm-midnight

IDLER CHRISTMAS PARTY: Sick of cherub-faced carol singers? Head to this alternative Christmas party with punk poet John Cooper Clarke headlining and DJs spinning rock’n’roll and rhythm and blues from 1955-1967. Bush Hall (Shepherd's Bush), £25, book ahead, 7.30pm-midnight

Good cause of the day: Eat all the mince pies you can for charity Momentum

Loosen your Santa belts and prepare to gobble as many mince pies as you can stomach at this fundraiser for Momentum, a charity which helps children affected by life-limiting conditions. The mince pie eating champ gets a minute behind the bar to pour as much draft as they can and a festive hamper. If that wasn't enough excitement, the Women's Institute will be flogging baked goods and Christmas crafts. To register email: handinhand@youngs.co.uk. The Hand in Hand (Wimbledon), £3 donation, just turn up, 8pm-9.30pm

Fun things to do with our friends and sponsor Funzing...

London's Grime & Punishment Tour


Learn about London's debauched, drunken and disorderly history on this tour of the sordid side of the West End. Have you heard the story of the 15ft high tsunami of beer which rushed through the streets of London? Or about London's unluckiest theatre and most morbidly-located church? This tour will take you from the Covent Garden to Somerset House, entertaining you with tales of hangmen and criminals, prostitutes and paupers and the eccentric characters of Georgian London along the way.    Get tickets

Unlock Urban Camden: Street Art Tour


Camden's known for its street art, but how much do you really know about it? Explore the street art of Camden, and learn about the people who make it from an insider. You''ll visit pieces of street art that are off the beaten track, and get an insight into their possible meaning and inspiration. This two-hour tour will enable you to see Camden in a new light. Get tickets

Hidden London Tour


Visit old pubs, even older churches, hidden rivers, mysterious tunnels and more on this tour of hidden Londo. You'll hear tales of the myths and legends which made the City of London what it is today, and find out the area's links to nursery rhymes and literary figures. Get tickets

The Ultimate Harry Potter London Tour


Get sorted into one of the four magical houses of Hogwarts, and go in exploration of the city’s famous filming locations on this 2-hour walking tour. You’ll meet your guide outside the Palace Theatre, where Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is showing, and set off on your journey across town - following in the footsteps of Deatheaters, visiting the inspiration for Knocturn Alley, and marvelling at the Ministry of Magic. And you better brush up on your Potter knowledge, because you can earn points for your house along the way, by taking part in trivia quizzes. The winners? You’ll find out when the tour ends at Platform 9 3/4… Get tickets