Things To Do Today In London: Wednesday 13 December 2017

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Christmas has been cancelled...but ChristMESS is going ahead as planned at the Hunter Penrose.

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EAST LONDON VOICES: Part exhibition, part retail pop-up, part performance, this one-day event of art, fashion, food and music celebrates the creatives who began their careers at Old Spitalfields Market in the late 1990s. Old Spitalfields Market, free, just turn up, 11am-9pm

BUBBLE BROS SPRITZ BAR: You won't find any soggy sprouts or dry turkey at this Christmas lunch. Instead, you get to go behind the taps and treat yourself to three hours of unlimited prosecco and pizza from Pizza Pilgrims. 134 Columbia Road, £32.48-£43.14, book ahead, 1pm and 4.30pm

CHRISTMAS CAROLS: We've all enjoyed carols in a church but not many can say they've heard Away in a Manger on a ship that has navigated the world (or a replica of one, anyway). Head to the main deck of the Golden Hinde for singing, mulled wine and mince pies. The Golden Hinde, £3, book ahead, 6pm-7.30pm

A YEAR IN REVIEW: Wondering what happened to the placards from 2017’s Women’s March on London? You'll find some of them in these archives alongside new additions documenting LGBTQ nightclub life from 1980s to today. Bishopsgate Institute, free, just turn up, 6.30pm-9pm

RICHARD AYOADE: Line up to have your copy of The Grip of Film signed by comedian and actor Richard Ayoade, and enjoy 10% off any other purchases you make on the night. The Bookseller Crow on the Hill (Crystal Palace), free entry, just turn up, 6.30pm-9.30pm

Best arrive hungry for this Nigerian feast hosted by sisters Jess & Jo Edun.

CHRISTMESS AT THE IMAGINARIUM: Christmas has been cancelled at St Nicky's HQ, so Father Christmas and his rebel elves are encouraging you to be as naughty as you like. By naughty we mean splashing out on unique presents in the grotto gift shops or heading upstairs to visit the absinthe fairy, sip cocktails and dance on the tables. Hunter Penrose (Southwark), from £55, book ahead, 6.30pm-11.30pm

QUEER ANTHOLOGY LAUNCH: Dig out your finest Communist Christmas outfit and head to the launch of Not Here: A Queer Anthology of Loneliness featuring readings from the likes of Olivia Laing, author of the beautifully written Loneliness and the City and Richard Dodwell, founder of Pilot Press. Housmans Bookshop, £3.61, book ahead, 7pm-9pm

ANTIC FOLLIES CABARET: Expect unpredictable comic mayhem from Chris Lynam, surreal stunts from Michael Brunström, plus performances from a fire and hula hoop artist, a ventriloquist and gypsy swing from the house band at this alternative comedy and cabaret night. Jamboree (Limehouse), £5, just turn up, 7pm-11pm

NIGERIAN SUPPER CLUB: Listen to afrobeats and pull crackers before tucking into a three-course Nigerian feast from two sisters who are carrying on their late grandma's tradition of dishes made with love and packed with flavour. The Old Nuns Head (Nunhead), £35, book ahead, 7pm-midnight

IDLER CHRISTMAS PARTY: Sick of cherub-faced carol singers? Head to this alternative Christmas party with punk poet John Cooper Clarke headlining and DJs spinning rock’n’roll and rhythm and blues from 1955-1967. Bush Hall (Shepherd's Bush), £25, book ahead, 7.30pm-midnight

Good cause of the day: Eat all the mince pies you can for charity Momentum

Loosen your Santa belts and prepare to gobble as many mince pies as you can stomach at this fundraiser for Momentum, a charity which helps children affected by life-limiting conditions. The mince pie eating champ gets a minute behind the bar to pour as much draft as they can and a festive hamper. If that wasn't enough excitement, the Women's Institute will be flogging baked goods and Christmas crafts. To register email: The Hand in Hand (Wimbledon), £3 donation, just turn up, 8pm-9.30pm

Fun things to do with our friends and sponsor Funzing...

Lost London Walking Tour

London is a city of incredible transformation. With structural remains that date back to ancient history still in existence, this unique walking tour takes in Lost London in all its former glory. From the Titanic booking office to the graveyards of man's best friend, you'll discover the weird and wonderful places that used to exist in the capital but are now only committed to memory. Using old photographs, newspaper cuttings and stories from the past, you'll be amazed at what has largely been written out of our history books...   Get tickets

A Secret London Tour

How well do you really know London? Visit the streets that inspired Harry Potter locations and see London's most superstitious hotel. On Matt's tour you will explore hidden places and discover stories unknown to even the most knowledgeable of Londoners. Get tickets

Paddle Boarding in East London - Beginners

Take to the waters and glide about in this beginner paddleboarding session. By the end of it, you'll be standing up and paddling solo, and there's plenty of help on hand to improve your technique. Change of clothes required.  Get tickets

Paint Ceramics and Bring Your Own Prosecco!

If you've never paired ceramics and prosecco before, why on earth not? It's a match made in heaven as Sam and Diana, co-creators of 'Make Your Own', prove at their wonderfully welcoming ceramic painting workshop. Pull up a stool, don an apron and get to work on your very own mug, plate, tile, bowl or ornament. They provide the ceramics as well as a selection of patterns, and will show you exactly how to transfer designs and paint to your heart's content. It's BYO so feel free to pop the prosecco and enjoy the company of like-minded Londoners as you get stuck into your creations.  Get tickets