Things To Do Today In London: Thursday 22 March 2018

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An evening of burlesque at The King's Head Members Club

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TOTS, TUNES AND TALES: Help your little ones develop confidence and coordination through the magic of song at the Royal Albert Hall, where seasoned storytellers and musicians are on hand to share their tuneful talents with the under 5s. Royal Albert Hall (Kensington), free, book ahead, 10am/11am/12pm

COLLECTIVE INFLUENCE: The 2018 Shape Open has arrived, showcasing works of art across multiple mediums from both disabled and able-bodied artists. Head to a secluded nook of Mile End Park and see pieces that explore the interwoven nature of art, disability and the collective voice. The Art Pavilion (Mile End Park), free, just turn up, 10am-6pm, until 5 April

MAD FOR HATTERS: Whether you're a millinery maven, or simply appreciate the art of accessorising, The Great Hat Exhibition 2018 is for you. See 300 beautifully crafted hats from around the globe before purchasing your own piece of headgear at the pop-up shop. The Living Centre (King's Cross St Pancras), £7.50, book ahead, until 28 March

SCHOOL NEXT DOOR: Class is in session for Portuguese performance and visual artist Rita GT, whose latest installation explores past and present narratives of immigration in West London. Starting today, her 'school' will be running three days of lessons where the artist becomes both student and teacher. 50 Golborne Gallery (Notting Hill), free, just turn up, 2pm-6pm, until 3 April

PINTS 'N PUDS: Donut miss this decadent evening of desserts and beer at Mason & Company's Pudding Club. Sweet treats including Neapolitan ricotta donuts and salted caramel pots will be expertly matched with complementary beers, and you'll even get a tasting brochure to guide you through the pairings. Mason & Company (Hackney Wick), £15, book ahead, 5pm-11pm

A performance art piece that takes you back to school

SYNTH SKILLS: What better way to up your hipster credentials than with a sound synthesis taster class? Having been introduced to a whole new world of sound creativity, you'll be Kraftwerking it in no time. Morley College London (Lambeth), £5, book ahead, 6.30pm-7.30pm

SIMON TALBOT: Hoping to break into the British comedy scene, this Copenhagen-based comic is one of Denmark's biggest standups. With Make Denmark Great Again, Simon Talbot guarantees laughs aplenty and a weird accent (his words, not ours!). The Bill Murray (Islington), free, just turn up, 6.45pm-7.45pm

SCI-FI STAGING: Prepare to have your expectations of contemporary theatre obliterated: Talos 2018 has landed to showcase science fiction plays from around the world. Expect clones, unicorn fights and even robot actors in the first UK festival dedicated to sci-fi on stage. The Bread & Roses Theatre (Clapham), from £12, book ahead, 7pm, until 25 March

WHISKY AND BLUES: With a live blues band and five whiskies to sample, this South London tasting looks set to be a rather dram-atic evening. Tooting Tram and Social (Tooting Broadway), £10, book ahead, 7.30pm-10.30pm

NATURE CALLS: Take a walk on the wild side with a night of burlesque and cabaret at the Honey Suckle Revue show. A menagerie of performers, transformed into foul-mouthed mermaids and rare creatures from the jurassic age will be strutting their stuff. The Kings Head (Dalston), £17, book ahead, 8pm

Good cause of the day

Mayfair members-only nightclub TRAMP is opening up its doors to the general public for an 80s-themed extravaganza in aid of Kids, a charity that supports children and young people with disabilities. So dust off those shoulder-pads and put on your dancing shoes — there's a special prize for best dressed to be won.

Fun things to do with our friends and sponsor Funzing...

Lost London Walking Tour

London is a city of incredible transformation. With structural remains that date back to ancient history still in existence, this unique walking tour takes in Lost London in all its former glory. From the Titanic booking office to the graveyards of man's best friend, you'll discover the weird and wonderful places that used to exist in the capital but are now only committed to memory. Using old photographs, newspaper cuttings and stories from the past, you'll be amazed at what has largely been written out of our history books...   Get tickets

The London Cheese Crawl

Whether you’re a pre-grated cheddar sprinkler or mimolette fan, this cheesy walking tour will delight your senses. Starting off at a cheese counter in Mayfair that has been serving for more than 300 years, you'll tour the city's best dairy delights - including Fortnum & Mason, where the royals get their fix.   Get tickets

The British Museum Tour - Ideas That Made Our World

Track the journey of humanity through this tour around the British Museum. The tour aims to help you understand why the world is the way it is, and show how humans learned to question absolutely everything. Get tickets

Paddle Boarding in East London - Beginners

Take to the waters and glide about in this beginner paddleboarding session. By the end of it, you'll be standing up and paddling solo, and there's plenty of help on hand to improve your technique. Change of clothes required.  Get tickets