Things To Do Today In London: Friday 12 May 2017

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BANKSIDE FESTIVAL: London's SE1 postcode is transforming over the next few weeks with the launch of Merge Bankside festival. There's lots to check out but our pick are the dodgems in a 1960s supercar in a disused fire station. Bankside, various prices, just turn up, 12 May-4 June

POP-UP MUSEUM: The National Maritime Museum has popped up in Lewisham Shopping Centre; explore the museum's collections and come up with your own sailor's ditty box. Lewisham Shopping Centre, free, just turn up, 10am-5pm

BEER MANSION: Brooklyn Brewery is putting on its own extravaganza, made up of beats, food, tech, art, games and, unsurprisingly, beer. MC Motors (Dalston), £35, book ahead, 12-13 May

CREATIVE HUB: Creativity vs Commerce. That's the theme for FYI The House Party, a series of panel discussions, workshops and a pop-up shops championing independent businesses. Shacklewell Lane, various prices, book ahead or just turn up to the pop-up shop, 12-15 May

POWER WALK: Take in London's shifting landscape of power on this guided tour; you'll even go inside the Royal Courts of Justice to see law in action. Somerset House, £15/£12, book ahead, 11am-1.15pm

Merge Bankside

ARMY NURSING: To mark International Nursing Day, find out about the history of army nursing, from the Crimean War through to the first world war, beginning with Florence Nightingale's famous efforts. National Army Museum (Chelsea), free, book ahead, 11.30am

DANCE: Breathing is a key part of dancing and it's at the centre of 10,000 Litres, a performance which tackles community, freedom and power through inhalation and exhalation. Rich Mix, £12/£10, book ahead, 7.30pm

CHOIRS: Dulwich Festival kicks off with an evening of choirs: Note-Orious, Pink Singers and Gospel Essence. Holst Hall at JAGS, £6, book ahead, 8pm

PUPPET CLOWNS: Be entertained by the macabre Boris & Sergey's Astonishing Freakatorium. Follow the tragic story of Pierre le Petit Tête Gustav and his wildly deranged tap dancing companion Juan Tamino. Wilton's Music Hall, £17, book ahead, 9pm-10pm, until 13 May

EMO NIGHT: Time for an injection of 2004 into your 2017 at Emo Calypso. Listen to the bands that soundtracked many a millennial's awkward teen years and reminisce about those ridiculously tight skinny jeans you thought completed your look. Bunker Club (Deptford), £8, book ahead, 10pm-3am

Art review: a virtual reality beating

Photograph: Robert Glowacki/Copyright the artist, courtesy Sadie Coles HQ, London

Don a VR headset and watch a man smash another's face in with a baseball bat and stamp on his head repeatedly. It's a shocking watch, but shock is what Jordan Wolfson deals in, with a sense of humour to boot. Across at the other Sadie Coles Gallery, watch a film where animated characters mix humour with introspection. This work is less sure of itself and is nowhere near as effective as the VR beating. Jordan Wolfson: Riverboat Song at Sadie Coles, 1 Davies Street & 62 Kingly Street, W1, until 17 June, free ★★★☆☆ (Tuesday-Saturday) Tabish Khan

Theatre review: lipstick on a pig?

Helena Rubinstein was not a 'nice woman', but cresting her recent Bucket and Real Marigold Hotel TV successes, Miriam Margolyes bears all to impersonate the outrageous potty-mouthed tyrant of the cosmetics industry. Focused on her career-long rivalries with Revlon, and particularly Elizabeth Arden (played with venomous camp by Frances Barber), it's staged like a bitch fight between Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. The performances are splendid, but the beauty only runs skin-deep as the script is rather slight and the play underpopulated, with just Rubinstein's tearoom-trade male assistant for company. Read more here. Madame Rubinstein, Park Theatre, Clifton Terrace, Finsbury Park, N4 3JP. £25-29.50 (waitlist: call 020 7870 6876), until 27 May ★★★☆☆ Johnny Fox

Bar review: campfire cocktails

London's most romantic bar is open again for the summer. The Midnight Apothecary is a welcome change from the usual overpriced, overcrowded drinking dens. Think delicious (and potent) flower-inspired cocktails (hats off to whoever named the Rhubarbra Streisand) and marshmallows toasted on a campfire — all in a secret, candelit rooftop garden next to the Thames. If you like your cocktails with a side of culture, take a guided tour of Brunel's Grand Entrance Hall (included in ticket price). An ideal way to spend a summer evening. The Midnight Apothecary, Brunel Museum, Rotherhithe. Tickets £5, advance booking essential. [Every Friday and Saturday night until September, 5.30pm-10.30pm] ★★★★★ Laura Reynolds

Good cause for the day

PARTY NIGHT: It's time to get groovy in Tottenham, as the female DJs of ResisDance get the party going. The event's a fundraiser for a few different causes including the struggle to keep Seven Sisters' Latin Market open. Read more about that here. Styx, £3/£5/£7, book ahead, 5pm-midnight

Fun things to do with our friends and sponsor Funzing...

London's Grime & Punishment Tour

Learn about London's debauched, drunken and disorderly history on this tour of the sordid side of the West End. Have you heard the story of the 15ft high tsunami of beer which rushed through the streets of London? Or about London's unluckiest theatre and most morbidly-located church? This tour will take you from the Covent Garden to Somerset House, entertaining you with tales of hangmen and criminals, prostitutes and paupers and the eccentric characters of Georgian London along the way.    Get tickets

Unlock Urban Camden: Street Art Tour

Camden's known for its street art, but how much do you really know about it? Explore the street art of Camden, and learn about the people who make it from an insider. You''ll visit pieces of street art that are off the beaten track, and get an insight into their possible meaning and inspiration. This two-hour tour will enable you to see Camden in a new light. Get tickets

Hidden London Tour

Visit old pubs, even older churches, hidden rivers, mysterious tunnels and more on this tour of hidden Londo. You'll hear tales of the myths and legends which made the City of London what it is today, and find out the area's links to nursery rhymes and literary figures. Get tickets

The Ultimate Harry Potter London Tour

Get sorted into one of the four magical houses of Hogwarts, and go in exploration of the city’s famous filming locations on this 2-hour walking tour. You’ll meet your guide outside the Palace Theatre, where Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is showing, and set off on your journey across town - following in the footsteps of Deatheaters, visiting the inspiration for Knocturn Alley, and marvelling at the Ministry of Magic. And you better brush up on your Potter knowledge, because you can earn points for your house along the way, by taking part in trivia quizzes. The winners? You’ll find out when the tour ends at Platform 9 3/4… Get tickets