Things To Do This Week In London: 9-15 May 2022

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All week

Andy Zaltzman brings satire to Soho

LONDON CRAFT WEEK: Cricket bat making? Tick. Leather work? Of course. Find out about some of the more unusual things being made here in the capital at London Craft Week. Workshops, demonstrations, talks and workshop tours feature in the programme, showcasing the handiwork of London's makers. Various locations and prices, 9-15 May

ANDY ZALTZMAN: Comedian, author and podcast host Andy Zaltzman brings his unique brand of satire to London is new show, Satirist For Hire. Audience members can submit a topic in advance for Zaltzman to cover — anything from political stories to personal peeves — meaning no two shows are the same. Soho Theatre, from £16, book ahead, 9-21 May

BLUE BOY: It's the final week to see Gainsborough's Blue Boy, which returned to London 100 years to the day after it was sent across the Atlantic to a new home in California. It could be another century before the 18th century painting is back on display in London again, so don't miss it. National Gallery, free, book ahead, until 15 May

LOUISE BOURGEOIS: It's also your last chance to see Louise Bourgeois: The Woven Child, an exhibition of fabric and textile works by artist Louise Bourgeois. It's a mixture of figurative sculptures and abstract collages, using materials such as bed linen. Southbank Centre, £15, book ahead, until 15 May

Tuck into lobster rolls at the Bob's Lobster pop-up

PECKHAM FRINGE: This year's Peckham Fringe theatre festival continues. Performances this week include kids' show It's Not Rocket Science, Sunny Side Up, about how environment shapes masculinity in young Black boys, and a Black Musical Theatre Night. Theatre Peckham, various prices, book ahead, until 5 June

LOBSTER ROLLS: Bob's Lobster has opened a summer pop-up on the terrance out the front of the National Theatre. Tuck into lobster and crayfish rolls pre-theatre show, or just as a treat while strolling along the South Bank. Book ahead (closed Sundays), until autumn

WOMAN IN THE WINDOW: Dulwich Picture Gallery's big new exhibition, Reframed: The Woman in the Window, is now open. It features artworks by 50 artists spanning several centuries, all using the motif of a woman in a window, eliciting responses ranging from empathy to voyeurism. Dulwich Picture Gallery, £16.50, book ahead, until 4 September

MEDICAL SATIRE: Also open now is A Taste of One's Own Medicine, an exhibition exploring satire in medicine. It features satirical images, demonstrating how doctors have been ridiculed, reprimanded and maligned for centuries through a unique collection of medical satire prints from the mid-18th century to the 1980s. Royal College of Physicians (Great Portland Street), until 2 December

Monday 9 May

Hear from Ainsley Harriott

PINT OF SCIENCE: Hear a talk with a science theme in the relaxing environment of a pub. That’s the idea behind Pint of Science festival, back for its 10th anniversary year. You’ve got dozens of events to choose from, including talks on the origins of the universe, how vaccines are developed, and how legal experts are helping fight climate change. Various venues, £5 per talk, book ahead, 9-11 May

LONDON HERITAGE: London’s historic buildings need regular love and attention. As part of London Craft Week, you can hear from three experts who help secure our city’s treasures. Heritage of London Trust director Dr Nicola Stacey speaks to three makers: model-maker Isabella Gilding, expert gilder Sue Lee and Peter Campling, who has been working to restore stained glass for over 40 years. Attendees will get a free goody bag, and have the chance to have a go at the demonstrations themselves! The Soho Hotel, £10-£20, book ahead, 11am/12pm/4pm

JAY BLADES: Best known for appearances on The Repair Shop, furniture restorer Jay Blades give a live demonstration, tying in with the current Fashioning Masculinities exhibition. Get the lowdown on how to use materials sustainably, and learn some upholstery techniques. V&A, £15, book ahead, 2pm-4pm

LASER POWER: Ultra-fast, ultra-powerful lasers have enabled scientists to make several discoveries in recent years, from ripping atoms apart to seeing the bonds inside DNA. Hear from advanced photonics professor Amelle Zaïr about the use of extreme light in scientific research. Royal Institution (Mayfair)/online, £16/£10/£7, book ahead, 7pm-8.30pm

AINSLEY HARRIOTT: Television chef Ainsley Harriott features in the British Library's Food Season, offering an insight into his life and work. He chats to food writer Melissa Thompson about his 25-year career, how he went from cooking at The Dorchester and for the likes of Princess Margaret, to cooking on TV. British Library/online, £9, book ahead, 7pm-8.30pm

Tuesday 10 May

Pork belly bulgogi is on the menu at Three Sheets.

COMMUNITY GARDENING: Head to Gunnersbury Park for a Wellness in the Garden session, and spend some time immersed in nature. Get involved in some gardening, either at the vegetable garden or the community garden, or simply sit and enjoy the space. Gunnersbury Park, £2, book ahead, 10.30am/1.30pm

LITTLE WOMEN: Ahead of the Opera Holland Park season — which features the UK premiere of Mark Adamo's opera, Little Women —  listen in on a conversation about American opera, classic novels of girlhood and the lasting impact of Louisa May Alcott’s story. Panellists include John Allison, editor of Opera magazine, Deborah Friedell, contributing editor at the London Review of Books, and director Ella Marchment. Online event, suggested donation £5, book ahead, 6pm

BERNINI IN ROME: Sculptor Gian Lorenzo Bernini was hired by Pope Alexander VII in 1655 to reshape the Italian city. Hear from Dr Loyd Grossman about Bernini's legacy, and how he helped turn Rome into the city it is today. Museum of London/online, free, book ahead, 6pm

SLOW FOOD MANIFESTO: Chef and food activist Alice Waters discusses her new book, We Are What We Eat: A Slow Food Manifesto. Waters is best known for Chez Panisse, her California restaurant which she opened in 1971, a key part of the farm-to-table movement, focusing on local and sustainable agriculture. She chats to fellow cook and writer, Anna Jones. Online event, £5, book ahead, 7.30pm-8.45pm

EAST MEETS EAST: Three Sheets bar in Dalston launches its East Meets East festival this evening, with Korean cuisine by Chef Joo Won (from Cálong London) paired with exclusive cocktails. Tickets include six courses (including pork belly bulgogi and chocolate cremeux with yuzu compote), a welcome cocktail, and another to take home. Three Sheets (Dalston), £45pp, book ahead, 9.30pm

Wednesday 11 May

Hear Rumer perform songs from her new album.

PHOTO LONDON: International fair Photo London is back at Somerset House for a celebration of all things snap happy. As well as a chance to collect and purchase photos from around the world, there are talks, tours and workshops on all aspects of photography. Somerset House, from £29, book ahead, 11-15 May

WHITECHAPEL WALKING TOUR: London Metropolitan Archives offers a walking tour of Whitechapel, led by City Highlights guide Mike Moran. Hear about the area's history over the past 250 years, and how it's been shaped by different industries and waves of immigration. Aldgate station, £16.50/£11.50, book ahead, 11am-1pm

RUMER: Singer-songwriter Rumer performs a one-off gig to celebrate the launch of her new album, Nashville Tears. She created it while living in the American South, recording 15 songs by Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame member Hugh Prestwood, many of which had never been recorded before. Southbank Centre, £32.50-£42.50, book ahead, 7.30pm

EDINBURGH COMEDY: It's the time of year comedians start previewing their Edinburgh sets. Tonight, Patrick Monahan (described by the Mirror as a "Fringe legend") and Mark Simmons (a "master of one liners") provide a double-bill of laughs. Bread & Roses Theatre (Clapham), £10, book ahead, 7.30pm-10.30pm

NICK CAVE: Catch a screening of This Much I Know To Be True, a 2021 documentary exploring Nick Cave and Warren Ellis’ creative relationship. It was filmed in London and Brighton as as they brought to life the songs from their last two studio albums, Ghosteen and Carnage. Bertha DocHouse (Bloomsbury), £12.50, book ahead, 8.30pm

Thursday 12 May

The Lunch Market is back at Canary Wharf

WIMBLEDON ART FAIR: More than 150 artists and makers exhibit at Wimbledon Art Fair, giving you a chance to purchase artworks directly from the people who created them. There's also a rare opportunity to go inside artists' studios. Wimbledon Art Studios, free, book ahead, 12-15 May

FUTURE CITIES: Visual arts and poetry collide in Future Cities, an exhibition which explores what cities will look like in... well, the future. It consists of four contemporary artworks, accompanied by responses by poets Selina Nwulu, Astra Papachristodoulou, James Wilkes and Aea Varfis-van Warmelo. Southbank Centre, free, just turn up, 12 May-18 September

FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE: After being closed for more than two years, the Florence Nightingale Museum reopens to the public, continuing its curtailed exhibition, Nightingale in 200 Objects, People & Places (which we loved). Florence Nightingale Museum (Waterloo), £10, book ahead, from 12 May

LUNCH MARKET: Canary Wharf's lunch market is back for the summer, popping up every summer with an array of street food stalls selling dishes from around the world. Makes a change from another soggy sandwich at your desk... Montgomery Square (Canary Wharf), free entry, just turn up, 12pm-3pm

LONDON DISASTERS: Londonist's very own Matt Brown gives a London Society talk about the capital's (mostly) forgotten disasters. Do you know where London's worst lightning strike occurred? How did 41 people perish in Regent's Park in 1867? Why do so few people remember the 1980 fire near Centre Point that claimed more lives than the King's Cross fire? EH Smith (Farringdon), £5-£15, book ahead, 6.30pm

DOG SCIENCE: Zoologist and author Jules Howard discusses dogs — specifically, what scientists know about them and their capabilities. Dog sign language, special puzzle boxes and sniff tests have all been used to test them. Royal Institution (Mayfair) or online, £16/£10/£7, book ahead, 7pm-8.30pm

Friday 13 May

Legally Blonde kicks off the open-air theatre season

KENSINGTON DOLLSHOUSE FESTIVAL: Experience life in miniature at the Kensington Dollshouse Festival. 120 top miniaturists from around the world exhibit and sell their works for anyone looking to kit out their own dolls house, plus there are displays, kids' activities and more. Kensington Town Hall, from £10, book ahead, 13-14 May

DULWICH FESTIVAL: Theatre, music, talks, dancing, fairs, exhibitions and more form part of the full-to-brimming Dulwich Festival programme, which celebrates the history and culture of the local area. Highlights include the artists' open house weekend, and Dulwich Park Fair. It begins with a performance by the Dulwich Festival Choir tonight. Various locations and prices, 13-22 May

OPEN AIR THEATRE: The Regent's Park Open Air Theatre kicks off its season with a production of Legally Blonde, a musical version of the 20o1 film. Watch the show at the open-air auditorium, located in the middle of Regent's Park. Read our guide to outdoor culture for more al fresco fun this summer. Regent's Park Open Air Theatre, from £23, book ahead, from 13 May

ASMR: Design Museum examines the world of ASMR — Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, a physical sensation of euphoria or deep calm, triggered through sound, touch, and movement — in a new exhibition. Hope it features rain on canvas... Design Museum (Kensington), from £9.50, book ahead, from 13 May

LAST CHANCE SIGNUP: This weekend is your last chance to sign up for the Banham Marsden March, a 15 mile walk through London (or virtually) in aid of the Royal Marsden cancer charity. This year’s walk takes place on 22 May, but Sunday (15 May) is the cutoff for new sign-ups. Go on, you know you want to.

Saturday 14 May

The Art Car Boot Fair is back

CHEAM CHARTER FAIR: Rumour has it that the Cheam Charter Fair dates back to 1259 — though even the modern-day organisers can't verify that. Either way, head to the London-Surrey border for a traditional fair of stalls, kicked off with a procession at 9am, with Cheam Charter Week events happening in the run-up to the big day. Park Road, Cheam, 9am-1pm

THE UNDERLINE: Adventures on the Underline is a free, one-day festival making use of the space beneath the DLR tracks on the Isle of Dogs. Circus performances, parkour demos, live music, street food, and a chance to get involved in creating a new street mural are all part of the fun. Isle of Dogs, free, just turn up, 11am-7pm

ART CAR BOOT FAIR: Art is sold out of the back of a car/van and emerging artists mix with well-known names like Gavin Turk at the Electric Art Car Boot Fair. There's also live music and food and drink stalls, and if you can't make it in person, there's an online art sale running parallel to the main event. Lewis Cubitt Square (King's Cross), £15 until 5pm/free after, book ahead, 2pm-7pm (continues online until Monday)

FA CUP FINAL: Chelsea take on Liverpool in the FA Cup Final at Wembley today, which is the 150th anniversary of the first FA Cup Final. If you've not got tickets for Wembley, consider heading to one of the best pubs and bars for watching football in London — it's one of the biggest matches of the year, so plenty of places will be screening it. Kick off is at 4.45pm

EUROVISION: If you're partial to sequins, disco balls and cheese by the truckload, tonight is absolutely your night. Here's our guide to London parties and screenings, all of which broadcast the action live from Turin, with games, drinks and other entertainment thrown in. Various locations and prices, book ahead, events start at 5pm/BBC broadcast begins at 8pm

IMPURITY! A unique cabaret of poetry, burlesque, dance, and comedy comes to Bishopsgate Institute — inspired by the history of a sex worker, as recorded in the Institute's archives. Impurity! explores how sex workers have historically been treated by the police, media, and society as a whole. Bishopsgate Institute (Liverpool Street), £12, book ahead, 7.30pm-10pm

Sunday 15 May

Share a carafe of peach spritz at Coupette.

ZUMBATHON: Get your Zumba on with 2022's Zumbathon — in which 15 of the best Zumba instructors in London come together to lead you through a serious workout. It's in aid of charity Healing Venezuela. 229 The Venue (Great Portland Street), £21.08-£32.93, book ahead, 10.30am-3pm

GHOSTSIGNS: Join Footprints of London guide Jane Parker for a stroll down the A1 Holloway Road, focusing on the area's ghostsigns — historic advertising signs, now faded but still visible. The walk covers hand-painted signs, forged metalwork, incised letters and old pub signage, all of which offer an insight into the area's history. Archway, £12/£9, book ahead, 2pm-3.30pm

HEALTHY CITIES: What's the future of health in London? Experts including Audrey de Nazelle (Senior Lecturer at the Centre for Environmental Policy, Imperial College London) and Kirsten Watters (Director of Public Health at London Borough of Camden), assemble to discuss new urban technologies that'll improve Londoners' wellbeing, and how they city's preparing for the next pandemic. British Library (Euston), free, reserve tickets, 2pm

SPRITZ O'CLOCK: Bethnal Green cocktail bar Coupette will add some effervescence to your weekend, with its spring-inspired menu of spritz cocktails — including a peach spritz and a rhubarb basil sbagliato. It's £7 a serve or £30 for a sharing carafe. Book ahead, open 5pm-11pm Sundays

ONLINE COMEDY: Laugh Train Home takes things online for a Comedy For The Curious show. Join Robyn Perkins and two guest comics to watch thee unique stand-up sets, all around a particular topic. Online event, £1-£8, book ahead, 8.30pm

Urban oddity of the week

A small plaque set in pavement recalling the explosion of a Zeppelin bomb

Here's a plaque that few people see. It's embedded into the pavement in Queen's Square, Bloomsbury — though in a bit you'd be unlikely to chance across. The plaque relates to a Zeppelin raid on the capital in 1915. Fortunately, nobody was killed by this detonation (thought to be the first aerial bombardment on central London... ever), but the same raid saw fatalities elsewhere.

On Thursday, Londonist's Matt Brown (who writes this column) will be speaking about lesser-known disasters from London's history, in a London Society talk (book ahead). Hopefully see you there!

Good cause of the week

An orange and blue graphic showing a dragon in front of the canary wharf skyline

Now here's a way to have an unforgettable time while raising money for charity — dragon boat racing. The scene: Canary Wharf's South Dock. The date, Thursday 7 July. The protagonists: you and your mates paddling furiously.

No previous experience is necessary to take place in these charity dragon boat races. All you need to do is paddle as hard as you can across a 250 metre course. The boats hold 17 people (one of whom is a 'drummer' and doesn't paddle), so the event is pitching itself at office teams. But, really, anyone can take part.

It's £250 per team to enter, with proceeds going to charity Water Aid. Book your place now, and stop dragon your heels.