Things To Do This Week In London: 30 January-5 February 2023

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All week

Four takeaway pizza boxes, open and each containing a ring of pizza dough topped with Nutella and chocolate. Chocolate bars including Bounty, Reese's Pieces, Mars and Kinder Bueno are strewn over the table
Pizza Pilgrims opens a Nutelleria in Carnaby

NUTELLERIA: Nutella fans, this one's for you! Pizza Pilgrims opens a Nutella pizza kiosk outside its Carnaby store from Monday. Pick from a choice of chocolate bars to fill your dough rings, stop by for a coffee in the morning, or swing by after work for cocktails — including Ferrero Rocher espresso martinis. From 30 January

LAST CHANCE: This is the final week of Museum of the Moon at the Old Royal Naval College. See Luke Jerram's replica of the moon suspended from the ceiling in the Painted Hall, made lifelike using NASA imagery of the moon's surface. Until 5 February

KIDS' LIT FEST: Head to Herne Hill for a children's literature festival celebrating poetry, performance, writing and illustration. Poet Paul Lyalls, author Patrice Lawrence, and author and illustrator Frann Preston-Gannon are among those leading workshops and events for different ages. 30 January-5 February

WHEN FLOWERS DREAM: Don't forget, Pip & Pop: When Flowers Dream is still on show at Kew Gardens for another month. The exhibition features sugar, sweets and modelling clay to create a 'food fantasia' inspired by mythology and folklore. Maybe pair it with a trip to the Orchids Festival which opens on Saturday (details below). Until 5 March

PUB OF THE WEEK: The Half Moon in Putney is a storied music pub — its stage has been graced by everyone from the Stones to Kate Bush. On the bill this week is James Walsh from Starsailor, Chris Helme of Seahorses fame — plus a comedy fundraiser starring Kerry Godliman and Rosie Jones.

CINEMA OF THE WEEK: Wonderful news from Acton's community cinema, the punningly named ActOne. After a successful crowdfunding campaign, they just last week opened their second screen. The first film showing in the second screen is Steven Spielberg's 'The Fabelmans' and tickets are now available here.

Monday 30 January

A psychedelic, 3d landscape using pastel colours, gold glitter and sparklers. Possibly made from modelling clay.
When Flowers Dream is still on at Kew Gardens

PARENT FILM CLUB: 2012 film Frances Ha is screened at Big Penny Social in Walthamstow, for parents and carers with a baby in tow. Watch the film in a relaxed environment and enjoy lunch or a drink, without having to worry about your little one disturbing other people. FREE, 12.30pm-3pm

CAFE PALAIS: Older people, those living with dementia, and their carers are invited to Alexandra Palace for Café Palais, a monthly 1920s-style cafe. Get dressed up and enjoy hot drinks, cakes and pastries while taking part in creative workshops — this time it's a life drawing class led by artist and painter Quentin Martin. FREE, 2pm-4pm

FRENCH SILVER: Michèle Bimbenet-Privat, who is curator of silver and decorative arts at the Louvre, and art historian Paul Micio are at the V&A to talk about some of the most precious collections of silver in the world, from Versailles and the Louvre. You can watch the talk in person at the V&A or online 7pm

FAIRIES OF SUFFOLK: Author Francis Young gives an online talk about the fairies of Suffolk, via the Viktor Wynd Museum of Curiosities. Hear the 12th century tale of the Green Children of Woolpit, 17th century witch trials and Tom Tit Tot, a 19th century fairytale. 7.30pm-9pm

COMEDY PREVIEWS: Alfie Brown and Erika Ehler both try out new material at this week's preview show at Covent Garden Social Club. Brown was nominated for the main prize of the Edinburgh Comedy Awards in 2022, and Ehler won the Chortle Student Comedy Award in 2019. 7.45pm

Tuesday 31 January

The interior of a church, dark with purple and yellow illuminations projected onto the architectural features
Space, The Universe and Everything opens today. © Luxmuralis

CHURCH LIGHT SHOW: For four nights, the interior of St Martin-in-the-Fields church by Trafalgar Square is filled with sound and light. Space, The Universe and Everything is a show by Luxmuralis, exploring our relationship with planet Earth and beyond, using original footage of a rocket launch, and exploring the Big Bang, before climaxing with an awe-inspiring image of Earth as seen from space. 31 January-4 February

MODERN LONDON: Join Footprints of London guide Rob Smith for a guided walk around the Farringdon and Angel areas, focusing on the makers of modern London. Find out about the innovations made as London's population tripled between 1801 and 1851, and hear about a hole in the ground that saved thousands of lives, and an event which led to the security services being formed. 11am-1pm

LOTTERY-WINNING MATHS: Can maths help you win the lottery? In a free Gresham College lecture, which might make you wish you'd paid more attention at school, Professor of Geometry Sarah Hart discusses the principles of probability, and whether maths can help us in games of chance. Watch in person at David Game College (Aldgate), or online. FREE, 1pm

POP ART: Get the lowdown on the Pop Art movement of the sixties in a free Guildhall Library talk. Arts Society Lecturer Val Woodgate discusses how the brightly-coloured artworks came about as a result of artists being fascinated by popular and commercial culture at the time, from advertising to Hollywood. Watch in person at Guildhall Library, or online. FREE, 2pm-3pm

THE HANDMAIDEN: For the final screening in the I Purple U series of films at Prince Charles Cinema, which are connected by a theme of the colour purple, watch 2016 South Korean film, The Handmaiden. It's set during the Japanese occupation of Korea in the 1930s, and centres around a handmaiden who isn't all she seems, hired by a Japanese heiress. 8.20pm

Wednesday 1 February

An elderly woman leaning on a wooden cross grave marker in an overgrown cemetery in Ukraine
The Imperial War Museum opens a powerful new exhibition on Friday. Image © Anastasia Taylor-Lind

NEW EXHIBITIONS: As a new month starts, Highgate's Lauderdale House launches two new free exhibitions. Above The Blue City features paintings of London park landscapes by local artist Ruth Sallon, and Andrew MacDonald Portraits is the first solo exhibition by an artist who only took up art in 2015. FREE, 1-27 February

LGBTQ+ SALON: Outloud is a monthly LGBTQ+ salon hosted by London Metropolitan Archives. This time, it's a chance to explore some of the personal archive of Andrew Lumsden, who took part in the original London Pride march in 1972, and founded national newspaper Gay News. FREE, 7pm-8pm

TRAVEL CARBON EMISSIONS: Is travel worth the carbon emissions it produces? That's the topic up for debate by a panel at the Royal Geographical Society, which looks at how we need to change our attitudes to air travel, and embrace low-carbon transport instead. Watch at the Royal Geographical Society (South Kensington) or online. 7.30pm-8.30pm

HAUNTED HOUSE: Borley Rectory on the Essex-Suffolk border is often said to be the most haunted house in England (among those who believe in such things). Hear about its poltergeist-laden past and the work of celebrated ghost-hunter, 'psychic detective' Harry Price at an online talk by Sean O'Connor, whose book about the house was published last year. 7.30pm-9pm

ICA 75TH ANNIVERSARY: The ICA throws a big party to celebrate its 75th anniversary. P-R-E-S-E-N-T brings together seven experimental artists to create a hybrid audio-visual experience across music, performance and moving image. 8pm

Thursday 2 February

A bowl containing stuffed pasta topped with green vegetables and herbs
Tuck in to six courses at Zara's Kitchen.

HEROES FESTIVAL: East London arts organisation Certain Blacks hosts the Heroes Festival at Rich Mix, which celebrates diverse artists. It kicks off tonight with an evening of music by female artists, including Middle-Eastern composer Daphna Sadeh. 2-17 February

LUNCHTIME LECTURE: Get the lowdown on LGBTQIA+ histories in the V&A's collection, as part of the museum's free lunchtime lecture series. Hear from Jack Shoulder, an LGBTQIA+ tour guide at the V&A, who talks about key objects that tell the histories and contexts of the experiences of the LGBTQIA+ community throughout history. FREE, 1pm-1.55pm

SUSTAINABLE SUPPER CLUB: Zara's Kitchen in Ladbroke Grove hosts a seasonal supper club in partnership with John Paul Jones rum. Tuck into six courses, each paired with a rum cocktail, with a focus on sustainability — the menu will be created in partnership with local suppliers, using up leftover produce where possible. 7pm

EMPIRE FILM PODCAST: Did you know that film magazine Empire has its own podcast? The 550th episode is recorded in front of a live audience at Kings Place tonight, with a few tickets still available. Hosts Chris Hewitt, Helen O’Hara and James Dyer discuss film news and reviews, along with Q&As and special guests. 7.30pm

JAZZ IN THE CRYPT: Head down into the Crypt at St John's Smith Square for a late-night jazz performance. A drink is included in your ticket, and others are available to buy throughout the show. 9.30pm

Friday 3 February

A Kate Bush tribute act performing on stage
Enjoy the music of Kate Bush at Woolwich Works

STRICTLY LIVE TOUR: If you were glued to the latest series of Strictly when it was on TV, catch the live show as the Strictly Come Dancing tour comes to The O2. Past contestants including Will Mellor, Ellie Simmonds and Tyler West are taking part. 3-5 February

PICCADILLY PIANO FESTIVAL: Jools Holland, John Grant and Nadine Benjamin are among the artists tickling the ivories at St James's Piccadilly for Piccadilly Piano Festival. New and established musicians are on the bill, making use of the venue's Fazioli grand piano for classical, jazz, electronic and pop performances. 3-23 February

UKRAINE PHOTOGRAPHS: The Imperial War Museum opens a new, free exhibition of photos of Ukraine by English/Swedish photojournalist Anastasia Taylor-Lind. The photos span the last nine years, since Russian forces annexed Crimea in 2014, and show how everyday Ukrainians have been impacted by the atrocities taking place in their homeland. FREE, 3 February-8 May

DIRTY DANCING SINGALONG: Have the time of your life at a singalong screening of Dirty Dancing at Croydon's Fairfield Halls. Watch Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey fall in love at Kellerman's holiday resort in the summer of 1963. A free prop bag is provided, and fancy dress is encouraged (but not compulsory). 7.30pm

MUSIC OF KATE BUSH: Cloudbusting, a Kate Bush tribute act, is at Fireworks Factory in Woolwich for a performance of the singer's repertoire, including Wuthering Heights, Hounds Of Love, Babooshka and Running Up That Hill. 7.30pm

Saturday 4 February

Two gardeners tend to a display of pink and white orchids inside a glasshouse at Kew
Orchids opens at Kew Gardens today. ©RBG Kew

KEW ORCHIDS FESTIVAL: You know spring is on its way when the Orchid Festival returns to Kew Gardens, and this year's it's Cameroon's turn in the spotlight. Cameroon is home to some of the world’s most delicate and threatened orchids — some so rare their locations must be kept secret for their protection, so being able to see them at Kew is a real treat, and they're accompanied by horticultural sculptures of some of Cameroon's wildlife, including giraffes, hippos and gorillas. 4 February-5 March

SIX NATIONS: England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, France and Italy go head-to-head once again in the Six Nations rugby tournament. Whoever you're cheering on, here's where you can watch Six Nations in London. 4 February-18 March

SEWING MACHINE MUSEUM: Today's the monthly opening of The Sewing Machine Museum, a little-known museum in Balham which is home to 600 machines, including one which was gifted to Queen Victoria's daughter. Here's what happened when we visited in 2018. FREE (though charity donations welcome), 2pm-5pm

LAUREL & HARDY CABARET: Head to The Broadway in Barking to relive the golden years of an iconic comedy duo, thanks to The Laurel & Hardy Cabaret. The live tribute show features routines, songs and dances, along with screenings of classic film sequences. 2pm/7.30pm

GREEK MUSIC: Every Saturday (and Sunday) night at the Clissold Arms is Greek music night, with traditional songs played and sung through the evening to accompany your calamari and keftedes. 7.30pm-12.30am

SOFIA FORD: The wonderful Troubadour in Brompton hosts a triple bill of music tonight, with grungy popster Sofia Ford headlining, and support from Kaeto and Limonata. 8pm

STAMPTOWN: One for night owls, Stamptown at Soho Theatre is a late-night variety show hosted by clown Zach Zucker, and featuring a variety of surprise guest acts. Aisling Bea, Mae Martin and Rosie Jones have all made appearances in previous shows. 11pm

Sunday 5 February

A clown mingling with a crowd of peoplee
Clown around in church on Sunday. Image: iStock/AmandaLewis

ISLINGTON GHOSTSIGNS: If you look up in the Islington area, there are plenty of ghostsigns — faded old advertising signs — to be seen. Join Footprints of London guide Jane Parker for a guided walk focusing on these signs, and learn more about the history of hand-painted ones and where to spot them. 11am-1pm

VINTAGE FAIR: Rummage through racks of high-end vintage goods at the Frock Me! Vintage Fair inside Chelsea Old Town Hall. 60 dealers of vintage and antique fashion and accessories will be present. 11am-5.30pm

BRICK LANE: Follow Unseen Tours guide Pete, as he whisks you around Brick Lane and its surrounds, introducing you to the area's lesser-known streets, plus its role in women's equality and trade unions. 2pm-4pm

CLOWN CHURCH SERVICE: After two years of online services, the Annual Grimaldi Clown Service is back at All Saints Church in Haggerston. Forget clowns in a Mini — this is a chance to see how many clowns can pack into a church for a special service. Some seats are available for the non-clowning public, but you'll need to get there very early if you want one. FREE, 3pm

ICE HOCKEY: Streatham's redoubtable ice hockey team take to the rink at home this evening, where they face Chelmsford. If you're looking for a fun, family-friendly evening of sport with a difference, then this is it. KO 6.45pm

JERUSALEM ORCHESTRA: The Jerusalem Orchestra East & West reflects the diversity of Israeli society, with members from varying religions, ethnicities and sectors. Hear them perform a blend of Berber-style North African music, pop, and jazz at Barbican today, accompanied by Moroccan singer and instrumentalist Mehdi Nassouli. 7.30pm

Urban oddity of the week

A pair of coffin-shaped musical graves
Image Londonist/Matt Brown

The clown church service (see Sunday) reminds us of one of the oddest of all urban oddities. This is the musical grave of the famous clown Joseph Grimaldi. Visitors to Joseph Grimaldi Park, half way up Pentonville Road, are encouraged to dance on chiming floor plates, which form the shape of a coffin. The macabre instrument is not Grimaldi's actual resting place — but that is within earshot.

Good cause of the week

Last chance to enter Cancer Research UK's Winter Run, which takes place on 5 February. The 10k course is one of the most Londony imaginable, with a start in Trafalgar Square, a finish on Whitehall, and a circuit through the heart of Westminster and the City (with roads closed to traffic). For full participation terms and details, see CRUK's website.