All week
JERMAINE FOWLER: American actor and comedian Jermaine Fowler makes his UK stand-up comedy debut in a week-long Soho Theatre run. Little word yet on what the show will entail, but he's worked with the likes of Eddie Murphy and Danny Glover, so we're expecting good things. Soho Theatre, £11-£22, book ahead, 21-26 March
PUNCHDRUNK: One of our most anticipated events of 2022, immersive theatre company Punchdrunk is back with its new show, The Burnt City. It's centred on the fall of Troy but in true Punchdrunk style, little else has been revealed — and we wouldn't have it any other way. One Cartridge Place (Woolwich), from £55, book ahead, from 22 March
STUDENT COMEDY: The Chortle Student Comedy Awards semi-finals take place this week. Previous finalists include Joe Lycett, Ed Gamble and Simon Bird, so the standard is high, and slots at Latitude Festival and Edinburgh Fringe are up for grabs. Bloomsbury Theatre, £8/£5, book ahead, 24-27 March
H.M.S. PINAFORE: See Gilbert & Sullivan's 1878 musical H.M.S. Pinafore brought to life on stage — with an all-male cast filling the roles. This reimagining of the original show sets it on a second world war battleship, following the mischief of the sailors and their lady visitors. Wilton's (Limehouse), £6-£32, book ahead, until 9 April
SMALL ISLAND: Telling the tale of Hortense, who yearns for a new life away from rural Jamaica; Gilbert, who dreams of becoming a lawyer; and Queenie, who longs to escape her Lincolnshire roots — Small Island is a stunning play about Windrush Britain and its injustices. We gave it ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐. National Theatre (South Book), book ahead, from £20, until 30 April
Monday 21 March
MEET JOE WICKS: Fitness expert Joe Wicks — also known as The Body Coach — is at a meet and greet and book signing session, celebrating his new tome, Feel Good Food. A chance to meet the man who beamed his way into many homes every day in lockdown thanks to his popular workout videos. Waterstones Kingston, £12 (including book), book ahead, 1pm
ALI MACQUEEN: Make your Monday a whole lot better with some live music from Ali MacQueen, whose music has Laurel Canyon/folk Americana/lo-fi 60s rock vibes. She's supported by Shadowbones, Morning Tourist and Dakota Johnston. New Cross Inn (New Cross), £7, book ahead, doors 6pm
ALEX VS MEN: This Monday night slot sees comedian Alexandra Haddow in a battle-style show-down with "a man". Fingers crossed said man is also a comedian. Vauxhall Comedy Club, £5/£7 including a free drink, book ahead, 7.30pm-11pm
WHITE RIOT: A documentary about Rock Against Racism (RAR) — the movement that emerged in the late 1970s — White Riot features music and interviews from the likes of The Clash, Poly Styrene and Sham 69. Tonight's screening is followed by a Q&A with RAR founders Red Saunders and Roger Huddle. Streatham Space Project (Streatham Hill), £8.40, book ahead, 7.45-9.40pm
RUSSELL SQUARE: Join Footprints of London guide Rob Smith for a virtual tour of Russell Square, with focus on the Russell family from whom the area gets its name. It all began with Thomas Wriothesley, protégé to Thomas Cromwell, and the names of different family members can be traced through the area's street names. Online event, £8-£16, book ahead, 8pm-9pm
Tuesday 22 March
HAMLET AT SEA: Plays at sea is the topic of this virtual lecture, hosted by Royal Museums Greenwich and given by Dr Laurence Publicover of the University of Bristol. He covers why people perform plays at sea, and discusses the unverifiable suggestion that in 1607, two ships travelling from England to India performed Hamlet for a group of West African dignitaries in Sierra Leone. Online event, free, book ahead, 5.15pm-6.30pm
LOST RAILWAYS: Find out about the closed and lost railway lines and stations of London on a virtual tour with guide Stephen Benton. He covers both infrastructure which is still partly visible, such as the Crystal Palace high level station, and completely lost buildings such as the former Holborn Viaduct station. Online event, £8-£16, book ahead, 6pm
THE GREAT UNKNOWN: Explorer Benedict Allen is at Stanfords to discuss what it means to be an explorer in the 21st century. The event marks the launch of his new book, Explorer: The Quest For Adventure And The Great Unknown, which includes the story of his return to New Guinea to try to track down a man he once knew there. Stanfords (Covent Garden), £5, book ahead, 6.30pm
EARL WAVELL: Military historian Victoria Schofield gives an online lecture about why Field Marshal Earl Wavell was chosen as Viceroy of India in 1943. She also asks why he was abruptly dismissed from the position four years later and what might have happened had he remained as Viceroy instead of being replaced by Admiral Lord Mountbatten. Online event, free, book ahead, 6.30pm
SLAVA UKRAINI: Southbank Centre hosts a night of music and poetry in solidarity with the people of Ukraine, with net proceeds going to the DEC's Ukraine appeal. Organised in partnership with the Ukrainian Institute in London, the line-up includes Ukrainian and British artists performing in person and via live link-up from Ukraine, including baritone Yuriy Yurchuk and pianist Dinara Klinton. Southbank Centre, £25, book ahead, 8pm
Wednesday 23 March
THE CLAPHAM SECT: Join a London Metropolitan Archives walking tour to learn about the history of the Clapham area. Find out what the then-village was like in the 18th century and how it became a centre for wealthy individuals, including people who were trying to abolish the slave trade abroad. Clapham Common, £11.50-£16.50, book ahead, 11am-1pm
IMPERIAL LATES: After a long hiatus, Imperial Lates are back in person, and this month's theme is the brain. Enjoy a variety of activities covering topics such as psychedelic medicine and mind-controlled technology. Imperial College London (South Kensington), free, book ahead, 6pm-9pm
WEATHER SCIENCE: Atmospheric scientist Simon Clark chats to science video producer Emily Bates about his new book, Firmament. He gives an insight into the atmosphere, what we know about it, and how its different layers work, as well as what it can tell us about climate change. Stanfords (Covent Garden), £5, book ahead, 6.30pm
MUSIC HALL: The Lissenden Players whisk us back to the golden era of the music hall, with comic and serious songs and monologues from the age of stage. Highgate Literary & Scientific Institution, £8, just turn up, 7.30pm
IAIN STIRLING: Comedian and voice of Love Island Iain Stirling performs his one-man stand-up comedy show, Failing Upwards. He ponders how people manage to be so normal, explores his inability to function in the most basic of public settings, and tells the story of the time a man stole his shoes. Southbank Centre, £18.50, book ahead, 8pm
Thursday 24 March
RE-TEXTURED: An "arresting visual and sonic experience" is what we're promised at Re-Textured, a multi-venue festival combining experimental electronic music with industrial architecture and lighting installations. Various locations, from £24.50, book ahead, 24-27 March
SMALLPOX MAPS: London Metropolitan Archives is home to five maps, dating from the 19th century and used to track and study outbreaks of smallpox in London. Hear from the conservation team about how they managed to repair the important maps, in this online talk. Online event, free, book ahead, 4pm-5pm
ESSENTIAL WORK: Coinciding with the current Photographing Protest exhibition, hear from American photographer and activist Dr Doris Derby. She talks about how she's used photography as a way to build communities, taking thoughtful, humanising and personal pictures. Four Corners (Bethnal Green), free, book ahead, 6pm
DOWN'S SYNDROME: The Down's Syndrome Association marks 50 years, with an exhibition of intimate and powerful portraits of people with Down's syndrome. Photographers include Richard Bailey and Aron Hosie. The Langdon Down Centre (Teddington), free, register by email, 6pm-9pm
REWEIRDING LONDON: London Fortean Society presents an evening of mudlarking, criminal queens and the deep City, designed to reweird London. Hear from mudlarker Lara Maiklem, who's been seeking out treasure from the Thames for 15 years, and author Tom Chivers, who lets us into London's geological secrets, among other fascinating speakers. The Amersham Arms (New Cross), £5-£7, book ahead, 7pm
LONDON'S ISLANDS: London is home to over 100 islands, mostly in the Thames. This month's Salon for London champions two of them: Twickenham's famous Eel Pie Island, and Taggs Island in Hampton. The Horse Hospital (Holborn), £9.21, book ahead, 7-8.30pm
OUT-SPOKEN: Monthly live music and poetry night Out-Spoken is back. Performers this time include activist poet lisa luxx, poet and editor Rishi Dastidar and author and fellow of the Royal Society of Literature Emily Berry. Southbank Centre, £10, book ahead, 7.45pm
Friday 25 March
PHOTOGRAPHY EXHIBITION: The Photographer's Gallery opens a new exhibition today. The Deutsche Börse Photography Foundation Prize showcases works linked to a specific region or community, such as post-Apartheid South Africa, or the streets of Northern Ireland. Photographer's Gallery (Oxford Circus), £5, book ahead, until 12 June
UP LATE: The Garden Museum stays open late for an evening of events focused on its new exhibition, Fashioning The Rose. Make your own outfit for a non-traditional paper doll, paint your own plant pot to take home, imbibe at the botanical cocktail bar, and of course, see the exhibition itself. The Garden Museum (Lambeth), £14, book ahead, 6pm-9pm 6pm-9pm
MUSEUM LATE: Natural History Museum is also open late night, its first in-person late event since 2020. The theme is 'playful by nature', with video and board games on hand to play, a chance to talk to game developers, plus the usual displays and exhibitions to explore after hours. Natural History Museum (South Kensington), free, book ahead, 6pm
QUEER TANGO: Learn authentic Argentinian Tango, in a safe queer space, in a session open to LGBTQ dancers and everyone else who wants to learn. It's an opportunity to experiment with the traditional roles: same sex couples, women leading, men following — all combinations are possible. The event starts with a beginners class, followed by an evening of social dancing. Bishopsgate Institute, £10-£12, book ahead, 6.30pm
ART FOR UKRAINE: Get yourself a new artwork, knowing the proceeds are going to a good cause. The Art for Ukraine auction is donating profits from this evening to the Ukrainian Red Cross via British Red Cross. There are also artworks you can purchase outright. St Peter's Church (Notting Hill), £20, book ahead, 6.30pm-10pm
MOVIE LEGENDS: The London Philharmonic Orchestra performs a concert of legendary film scores, with an extra special treat. Percussionist Colin Currie performs the world premiere of a new score by Danny Elfman (who wrote scores for Batman, Edward Scissorhands and Alice in Wonderland). Southbank Centre, £14-£65, book ahead, 7.30pm
Saturday 26 March
RIVER RACE: The Head of the River Race is rowed annually from Mortlake to Putney, with up to 400 crews of eights taking part. Get down to the river's edge to watch the action taking place. Mortlake to Putney, free to watch, just turn up, 10.45am
MAKER'S FAIR: Local traders sell gifts, handmade goods and homewares at the Oxford House Maker's Fair. There's also live music, and craft workshops for all ages. Oxford House (Bethnal Green), free entry, just turn up, 11am-3.30pm
BSL TOUR: BSL users are invited on a free BSL tour of Whitechapel Gallery's current exhibition, A Century Of The Artist's Studio, which features works by artists from around the world from the last 100 years. The tour is led by Chisato Minamimura, a deaf art guide and performance artist. Whitechapel Gallery, free, book ahead, 2pm
CHAOS CAKE: A new regular event designed as a judgement-free and gender-inclusive space for queer people (though everyone's welcome), Chaos Cake has made its first event a fundraiser for Ukraine. It's a quiz night, but be prepared to sing, dance and show-off as well as using your general knowledge. U7 Lounge (Haggerston), £10, book ahead, 7pm
EARTH HOUR: For one hour on Saturday evening, London's switching the lights off for WWF's Earth Hour, raising awareness of the effects of global warming. Individual businesses and households are encouraged to take part by turning off the lights, but several of the capital's major landmarks will be plunged into darkness too. 8.30pm
COCKTAIL O'CLOCK: Looking for somewhere new to sup a cocktail this Saturday? Try Downstairs at the Dilly, a brand new speakeasy-style piano bar that'll fix you up with a signature London Calling cocktail. The Dilly (Piccadilly Circus), open Weds-Sat every week.
CLOCKS CHANGE: Remember that the clocks go forward an hour in the early hours of Sunday morning. Sure, you lose an hour of sleep, but the evenings will be lighter from then on, so won't it be worth it.
Sunday 27 March
MOTHER'S DAY: It's Mother's Day, and we've got some excellent ideas for unusual things to do and places to go if you're having a day out with the lady herself today. We also happen to know a thing or two about London's best chocolate shops and London's best florists. Just sayin'...
FAMILY STATION: The British Library launches a new monthly event, Family Station, offering a creative introduction to the library building and what happens within it. The Family Station offers interactive activities, sensory materials and children’s books including tactile and braille editions, as well as somewhere to sit, feed little ones, or enjoy a packed lunch together. British Library, free, just turn up, 11am-3pm
FAMILY RAVE: The whole clan can party together at the Big Fish Little Fish family rave, designed for adults who don't want to give up partying just because they're parents now. DJ Joe Muggs plays acid house, techno, house and drum ‘n’ bass tunes, with foam, bubbles, balloons and a parachute to keep little ones happy. One Night Records (Bankside), £12 adult/ £8 child, book ahead, 12pm/3pm
CHAMPAGNE AFTERNOON TEA: There's a rare chance to enjoy afternoon tea inside the Banqueting Suite at Forty Hall at this Mothering Sunday special. Tuck into sandwiches, scones, cakes, tea and optional champagne inside the Grade-I listed Jacobean manor house. Forty Hall (Enfield), £18 (or £25 with champagne), book ahead, 2.30pm
NEWSREVUE: The world's longest running live comedy show returns to poke fun at current affairs by way of parody songs and sketches. Given the state of the world at the moment, they've got a right task on their hands. Then again, this is one skilled bunch of comedians. Canal Cafe Theatre (Paddington), £14-£19, book ahead, 9pm
Urban oddity of the week
The clocks springing forward reminds us of London's bounty of chronological oddities. Here, for example, is a double dose of oddness at Wanstead tube station. Look closely at these clock faces and you'll see that in place of numbers, they sport transport roundels. That aside, it's also peculiar to see two clocks right next to each other. Is it for shift-workers on Double Time? Or journalists who need two independent sources of information? Or perhaps someone misheard "Wanstead" as "One's dead" and put a backup in place. The mind boggles. More examples of roundel clocks, and where to find them, can be found here.
Good cause of the week
A further event in support of Ukraine takes place at St Saviour's in Brockley this week. Attend a classical concert on 25 March (7.30-9.30pm), with all proceeds going to the British-Ukrainian Aid charity. The event is a collaboration between the church and Opera at Home. Prebook tickets here.
