Things To Do This Week In London: 12-18 March 2018

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All week

The Trading House is taking part in London Beer Week, serving a £5 tasting flight of three unique beers.

RAW WINE WEEK: Do you like it raw? Then make sure you book a date (or multiple dates) with all the bars who are serving up natural, organic and biodynamic wine for Raw Wine Week. You might even make it to work on time if the reduced hangover rumours are true. Various venues, various prices, just turn up, until 14 March

SIX NATIONS: Catch the last week of the Six Nations at The Water Poet, which has laid on eight screens, plus a huge downstairs cinema and the rustic barn is available for private hire if you just want to watch the game with your mates. The Water Poet (Spitalfields), free entry, until 17 March

LONDON BEER WEEK: 75 bars, seven days and innumerable pints. London Beer Week is back with immersive food and beer pairings, beer yoga at Nirvana Brewery and craft beer by the barrel load. Bottoms up! Various venues, £5-£10, book ahead, 12-18 March

JOEY'S CIRCUS: Treat your kids to this puppet show on a barge in Little Venice. Joey's Circus features traditional characters such as Pretty Polly, Burglar Bill and Mr Punch, all on strings. Puppet Theatre Barge, £12, book ahead, until 18 March

HAROLD AND MAUDE: A trans-generational romance bracketed by two suicides may not seem ideal comedy material, but this new stage version of the cult film says more about modern attitudes to ageing, feminism, migration and seizing opportunities than the current slew of angry fringe diatribes. And it says it more elegantly. Read the rest of our four-star review here. Charing Cross Theatre, £17.50-£35, book ahead, until 31 March

A YEAR OF GENIUS: We've seen many a Picasso exhibition, but this show looks at one formative year in his career: 1932, when both his art and personal life were going through intense periods of change. Tate Modern, £22, book ahead, until 9 September

Monday 12 March

Create a neon artwork run from a battery pack hidden inside the back of the canvas

DANCE CLASS: Get your wiggle on to the Cuban-American singer Camila Cabello's hit single Havana or learn how to shake it like Britney in the evening class. Drink Shop & Do (Kings Cross), £15, book ahead, 6.45pm-8.15pm

LONDON CRAFT CLUB: You don't need to have reached the heady heights of Tracey Emin-style fame to create a neon work of art worthy of the woman herself. Design, create and show off your personalised canvas with the help of the London Craft Club. Drink Shop & Do (King's Cross), £59, book ahead, 7pm-9pm

LITERARY SKETCH SHOW: Winner of the Dave Funniest Joke of the Fringe Award at Edinburgh 2017, Ken Cheng performs his latest work The Canon, a literary-themed comedy. British Library, £8-£12, book ahead, 7.30pm-9.30pm

FUNNY WOMEN AWARDS: Fed up of all-male panels on comedy shows and standup line-ups? Lend your laughter to the Funny Women Awards, which is raising funds for the UN's HeForShe Arts Week. Each finalist receives celebrity mentoring so they could well be on their way to upending the status quo. Duchess Theatre (Covent Garden), £21, book ahead, 7.30pm-10pm

Tuesday 13 March

Jim Ghedi performs songs from his second album Hymn from an Ancient Land at Caught by the River. © Scott Hukins

CAUGHT BY THE RIVER: For enchanting tunes and captivating storytelling, head to this film and music night taking guests below the surface of our waterways.  The Horse Hospital (Bloomsbury), £8, book ahead, 7pm

WHO PUT BELLA IN THE WYCH ELM? Love true crime stories? You'll love this eery tale about a skeleton found by four young boys inside a hollow tree in Hagley Woods, Worcestershire, 1943. The production makes use of new evidence as well as police files, documents and photographs from the unresolved case. The Space, Isle of Dogs, £12, book ahead, until 17 March

FEMALE PARTS: THE SHORTS: You'll laugh, cry and identify with these three short monologues, exploring what it is to be a wife, mother and immigrant. Hoxton Hall, £18, book ahead, until 31 March

EXPECTATIONS OF THE PAST: See the setting, characters and themes of Great Expectations brought to life by artist Louise Weir, who travelled to the book's locations. Avid Dickens fans can also see a first edition print of the book. Charles Dickens Museum (Bloomsbury), £9, book ahead, until 29 April

Wednesday 14 March

No drawing experience is necessary at this caricature masterclass.

GREATNESS OF NORTHERN IRELAND: Get all the culinary inspiration you need to cook up a St Patrick's Day feast at Borough Market from today. There will be cooking demonstrations showcasing the best Northern Irish delicacies. Borough Market, free entry, just turn up, until 17 March

CARICATURE MASTERCLASS: Whether you're a drawing novice or pro with a pencil, join this workshop led by award-winning illustrator and educator, Merlin Strangeway. You'll take inspiration from Rhythm & Reaction: The Age of Jazz in Britain to create your exaggerated portrait. Two Temple Place (Westminster), £15, book ahead, 6.30pm-8.30pm

SLOW CHOCOLATE TASTING: As much as you'll want to gobble the lot, this tasting evening is all about savouring the moment, so you reap the benefits of slow eating. You get a mini-slow chocolate kit to take home if you can resist the urge to nibble on it. Proud East, £25, book ahead, 7pm-8.30pm

BOOK SLAM: A politically charged literary night in a boxing hall, themed around the 'post-truth' era. Expect poetry, music, comedy and a talk on how to stop Brexit from Nick Clegg. Plus, food from Cult and books from Libreria. York Hall (Bethnal Green), £14, book ahead, 8pm

Thursday 15 March

The 60-minute Glen Scotia tour begins with whisky-based cocktails and canapes, inspired by local producers.

GLEN SCOTIA GRAND TOUR: Immerse yourself in the Cambeltown whisky region without stepping outside of Borough Market. The tour includes tastings, canapés and projections of the coastal town. Wine Pantry (Borough Market), £11, book ahead, 5pm-10pm, 15-17 March

THE ART OF CABARET: See Mariainpaint's paintings of some of the biggest names in the British cabaret scene, then see those portraits brought to life through live performances, all set in the wonderfully surreal arts club in the crypt. Vout-o-reenees (Tower Hill), £8, book ahead, 6.30pm-11.30pm

SONDHEIM ON SONDHEIM: Delve into the life and work of one of musical theatre's giants in an evening concert showcasing Stephen Sondheim's most noteworthy and sparkling numbers, including

Company, Gypsy, Follies and A Little Night Music. Royal Festival Hall, Southbank Centre, £12, book ahead, 7pm

TEQUILA TASTING: Dig out your poncho and join "Maestro Tequilero" Olli for an evening of drinking Mexico's most popular shot. Star by Hackney Downs, £10, book ahead, 8pm-10pm

FOR A BLACK GIRL: An unflinching take on the issues of sexism and racism facing the UK today, played out by two actors who take on the role of more than 45 characters of BAME citizenship. Camden People's Theatre, £12, book ahead, 9pm-10pm

Friday 16 March

Watch La Haine

LA HAINE SCREENING: See Mathieu Kassovitz's film, La Haine, which follows three lads through the Parisian suburbs the day after a violent riot. Old Manor Park Library, £6, book ahead, 7pm

ISTANBUL URBAN FEAST: This supper club upends everything you think you know about Turkish food (ie. kebabs and baclava). Munch your way around Istanbul, starting with dishes from the Byzantine times, into the Ottoman Empire and ending in modern Turkey, all washed down with regional Turkish wines from small-batch makers. E5 Bake (London Fields), £35, book ahead, 7.30pm-11pm

SILENT FACES: Essentially, it's a clown show about rain with some pathetic fallacy thrown in as it deals with the complexities of depression. The Vaults (Waterloo), £11, book ahead, until 17 March

BMW TATE LIVE: If last year's event is anything to go by, you'll need an open mind and a love for impromptu performances to get through Tate Modern's ten day/six night programme. American visual artist and a pioneer of video and performance art Joan Jonas plays curator this year and you can catch performances of the lady herself. Tate Modern, free (some ticketed), book ahead, 16-25 March

Saturday 17 March

HMS Belfast is celebrating its 80th birthday this weekend.

LAB LIFE: BRAIN PLAY: Put your noggin to good use during London Brain Week, when you can take part in craft activities designed by the London Brain Project. Explore the science of sleep, take home a brain goody bag and watch a theatre piece about growing up feeling different. Imagination Lab at the Workshop, Vauxhall, £10, book ahead, 10am-1pm and 2pm-5pm, 17-18 March

HMS BELFAST BIRTHDAY WEEKEND: Meet surviving veterans from HMS Belfast’s 80 year history and learn what life was like serving on board, take part in nautical-themed activities and pick up a free slice of the elaborate nine-tiered cake inspired by the ship’s nine decks, (baked by Sophie Faldo, the 2017 winner of The Great British Bake Off). HMS Belfast, £17, book ahead, 10am-6pm, until 18 March

TATTOO COLLECTIVE: Tattoo fiends or those looking to get inked up will find plenty of inspiration at the Tattoo Collective convention, featuring an art exhibition of work by 150 talented tattoo artists. Old Truman Brewery, various prices, book ahead, 17-18 March

SCREAMING WITH LAUGHTER: Ease yourself into the weekend with this afternoon comedy show that hopefully lives up to its name. Poplar Union, £9, book ahead, 1pm-2.30pm

ST PATRICK'S DAY TAP TAKEOVER: The Understudy, The National Theatre's bar, has come over all Irish just in time for St Patrick's Day. The Boundary, a Cooperative Brewery from Belfast, owned and run by its members, will be ruling the taps and putting on an art exhibition. The National Theatre, free entry, just turn up, 6pm-1am

Sunday 18 March

Go to an experimental classical club night exploring the influence of computers & AI on music, feat. 30-piece orchestra, live experimental electronics & Nonclassical DJs.

BANKSIDE GHOSTSIGNS WALK: London's walls do indeed speak, as ghost sign tour guide Sam Roberts will show you. The city's faded advertising signs have many a story to tell. The Tanneries (Bermondsey), £20, book ahead, 10.50am-1.30pm

LONDON HANDEL FESTIVAL: Hear a piece composed by Baroque composer George Frideric Handel, which was originally performed all the way back in 1749 to raise funds for the hospital's new chapel. The Foundling Museum (Brunswick Square), £20, book ahead, 11.30am-3pm

RISE OF THE MACHINES: Combine your love for classical music with your love of clubbing at this experimental club night, featuring a 30-piece orchestra and a drum machine, which takes centre stage. Village Underground (Shoreditch), £18, book ahead, 8pm-11.45pm

Fun things to do with our friends and sponsor Funzing...

Lost London Walking Tour


London is a city of incredible transformation. With structural remains that date back to ancient history still in existence, this unique walking tour takes in Lost London in all its former glory. From the Titanic booking office to the graveyards of man's best friend, you'll discover the weird and wonderful places that used to exist in the capital but are now only committed to memory. Using old photographs, newspaper cuttings and stories from the past, you'll be amazed at what has largely been written out of our history books...   Get tickets

The London Cheese Crawl


Whether you’re a pre-grated cheddar sprinkler or mimolette fan, this cheesy walking tour will delight your senses. Starting off at a cheese counter in Mayfair that has been serving for more than 300 years, you'll tour the city's best dairy delights - including Fortnum & Mason, where the royals get their fix.   Get tickets

Couple Painting - Dating With a Difference


Get creative with your partner in this date night with a difference. Between you, you’ll get to create your very own piece of artwork on a large canvas. Help is on hand if you need it, but freestyle pieces are always encouraged… Get tickets

Secrets of the Square Mile


The City of London is home to spectacular skyscrapers, but it’s also home to some fascinating history. Join Matt on a tour of the Square Mile’s ancient alleyways, old churches and imposing architecture - including two sites associated with the occult, and one of the City's most haunting memorials to the power of the Blitz.  Get tickets