In which we present Olympic distances in terms of London landmarks.
Just how far is 10,000 metres? It's hard to appreciate the distance when the men and women in lycra are chasing each other round a track. But if we say it's like jogging from London Bridge to Tottenham Hotspur stadium, then suddenly we have a better handle on what they're up to.
Let's try it for a few other Olympic distances...
100 Metres Breaststroke: Thames at Richmond
Want to make like Adam Peaty? Then swim the Thames just north of Richmond Bridge, which at 100m perfectly matches his Silver-bagging breaststroke distance. NB: Please do not swim the Thames just north of Richmond Bridge, for any number of health and safety reasons. The World Record for a javelin throw is very similar (98.48 metres), but I would again recommend not trying this over the Thames.
110 Metre Hurdles: Ely Place
Ely Place, that strange "is it part of Cambridgeshire?" cul-de-sac in Holborn, is exactly 110 metres from the entrance lodge to the back wall. It's also flat, largely free of traffic, and paved with a kind of red tarmac that resembles a running track. It's the perfect venue to host the 110 metre hurdles. Whether the guardian beadles would mind the intrusion into their quiet realm is another matter.
200 Metres: St Pancras Station
The original section of St Pancras station measures in at a shade over 200 metres. A mad dash from Carluccios to the EMR ticket barriers on the upper level should see you right, though you'd probably piss off a lot of people. Alternatively, get up on that magnificent William Barlow roof and try the 200 metre hurdles, which was an Olympic event in 1900 and 1904, though not on a roof. (Again, don't actually do this.)
400 Metres: Bedford Square
Olympic runners complete just one circuit of the track to achieve the 400 metres. You can do the same by sprinting around Bedford Square, which has similar dimensions to an Olympic track. The lovely private garden at its centre is wholly unsuitable for javelins, shot puts and hammers, however.
800 Metres: Lincoln's Inn Fields
Similarly, a circuit of Lincoln's Inn Fields is a good approximation for 800 metres, if you want to try and break Keely Hodgkinson's winning time. Don't go into the park bit, but stick to the roadway and use the outer pavement. Watch out for lawyers, and don't get distracted by the John Soane Museum.
1,500 Metres: Piccadilly
Do a Kelly Holmes and run along Piccadilly. She, as far as we know, never did... but she was an Olympic champ over 1,500 metres, which is the distance from the gates of Hyde Park to the statue of 'Eros'. If you want to make it a mile, continue another 109 metres to the Angus Steakhouse on Coventry Street. For an even less delicious experience, jog through the Rotherhithe Tunnel, which is 1,482 metres but feels like 5,000.
5,000 Metres: Victoria Park
Mo Farah had to do 12.5 laps of the stadium to claim his 5,000 metre Olympic golds in 2012 and 2016. You could emulate his achievement (somewhat more slowly, I'd venture) on Victoria Park's running track. However, the park's perimeter turns out to be almost precisely 5,000 metres, and offers a much more interesting and shady route.
10,000 Metres: Ermine Street
Ermine Street is the medieval name for the Roman Road that led from London Bridge, up through Shoreditch and Dalston and on towards Tottenham. It's still there to this day, carving an (almost) arrow-straight route to the north as the A10. Given the road number, it seems appropriate to use it for the 10,000 metres. A jog of this length will take you from London Bridge as far as Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Be sure to evacuate London first, mind, as the pavements and tarmac get very busy along much of the route.
Marathon: The Thames Path
London already has a well established marathon route, unleashed every April. However, budding Paula Radcliffes can try something much more scenic, by running along the Thames Path. It's tricky to measure precisely without spending ages accounting for inshore wiggles, but I reckon that a route along the southern bank from Tower Bridge round to Hampton Court Bridge comes out very close to the 42km/26 mile mark.
High Jump: K6 phone kiosk
The highest any human has ever leaped is 2.45 metres. Cuba's Javier Sotomayor achieved the feat in 1993. A very good comparitor for this height is the K6 phone box which is 244cm. Sotomayor could have cleared it with a centimetre to spare... if it were two-dimensional and came with a crash mat.
Pole Vault: London Wall
The surviving fragments of the City's wall loom to various heights, but online consensus has them averaging around 6 metres. That'd be peanuts for Swede Armand Duplantis. He's broken his own pole vault record eight times and currently holds it at 6.25 metres. A handy man to have on your side, then, should you ever mastermind a medieval siege.
Long Jump: Routemaster
The farthest human leap of all time was achieved by Mike Powell at 8.95 metres. A classic Routemaster bus measures 8.38 metres. Hence, Mr Powell could jump as far as a double-decker plus an inconveniently parked dishwasher. Well, he could in 1991 when he set the record. He's now in his 60s and would be old enough for a free bus if he relocated to London.
Note: The track distances in this article rely on the accuracy of the measuring tool in Google's MyMaps. Blame them if I'm out a bit.
