
I am Barbara Brownskirt: writer-in-residence at the 197 bus stop on Croydon Road, author of 27 volumes of unpublishable verse, and self-appointed Penge Poet Laureate.
Terry Wogan called my hometown Penge-sur-Mer. Others pronounce it 'Pongéeee'. Some say 'Penge' sounds like a venereal disease, but what do they know? Penge has poetry in its pavements, and to prove it, I'm taking you on a tour of its highlights.
These are the places where I find great poetical ideas flowing into me. For each stop, I've let loose with a short burst of poetry inspired on the spot. If this prompts you to visit Penge, then I've done my job. But please don't bother me. I am hard at work writing, and don't take kindly to interruptions.
1. Welcome to Penge sign, High Street, Penge
This is where the magic begins.
Penge! You are the place where my heart does fly,
Although your signage is too high

2. The Post Office pick up place
Round the back of the High Street past a lonely car park once used by the Wilko customers is the place to come and find your missing mail.
You’d be better sticking a stamp to a snail,
Than sending a letter via Royal Mail.

3. Twang Guitars, Maple Road, a place for guitar enthusiasm
Though I don't own one, I do long to watch a woman of a certain age pluck a guitar slowly on a summer's eve.
The Tories would rather we stay common things,
But Penge wants us to twang our strings.
MUSIC AND POETRY WILL OUT!

4. The old Police Station, Penge High Street
Luxury flats these days, this vibrant station once was a semi-shelter for the drunks of Penge. Now people choose to live in the cells.
Police woman! Police woman!
I once admired your hat,
Police woman! Police woman!
I do not know where you're at.

5. The Moon and Stars, Penge High Street
Inside is a golden lion statue paying homage to The Wizard of Oz, as this Wetherspoon was once a cinema. Now it is a drinking establishment with fruit machines and a strange feeling when you enter.
We are all in the gutter,
But some are stuck in the Moon and Stars (Inspired by Oscar Wilde)

Barbara Brownskirt is the comic creation of Karen McLeod. Her new memoir, Lifting Off (published by Muswell Press), recounts the years she spent working as cabin crew, at a time when lesbians were discouraged from being open about their sexuality. Against a backdrop of exotic locations, the author slowly unravels as the pressure of hiding her true self takes its toll.
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