With the recent news that Paddington The Musical — scored by McFly's Tom Fletcher — is to become a thing, we've come up with four more London-based musicals that honestly never need to happen.
Andrew Lloyd Webber The Musical
The story of a man who couldn't stop making musicals even when he definitely should have (we're looking at you, The Beautiful Game) ALWTM is a 'Best Of' the maestro's works, with a handful of fresh numbers telling his life story, including How Do You Solve A Problem Like Hiked National Insurance Contributions? and Do Vote For Me, Russia.
Big Ben: Bong of Ages
Striking all the wrong notes, this clanger of a musical is about a clock tower that's bored to death of having to bong the same bongs time and time again. Ben (not his real name, but that's what everyone calls him) longs to star in his own musical on the West End stage — but does he have the balls bells to make it? Big Ben: Bong of Ages is absolute bobbins, but at least everyone already knows the title track — altogether now: bong bong bong bong... bong bong bong bong!
Saucy Jack
Who knew that Spinal Tap's poorly-advised musical rock opera Saucy Jack was actually turned into a fleshed-out song (see above)? Who, furthermore, knew that a Jack the Ripper the Musical was in existence a decade before Spinal Tap? (The Sun gushing in its review "Rip Rip Hooray for Jack the Ripper"). Yikes. Anyway, let's definitely not do one of these ever again.
The Lion King King
Story about Simon, a man who goes to Lyric Theatre to watch the Lion King musical at least once a day, and is thus branded the Lion King King. Due to copyright reasons, it features none of the songs from the hit Disney musical (or come to think of it, any of the music from Tiger King), although there is a ditty about Simon's seating area of choice, called The Grand Circle of Life.
