18th century Londoner, Francis Grose, compiled one of the world's dirtiest dictionaries — A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue. Here are 26(ish) words and phrases to unleash on your fellow Londoners.
"You utter Arrbor Vitae" - You utter penis.
"You bacon-faced back biter" - You fat-faced, two-faced person. (Two for the price of one there).
"Just nipping out to Sainsbury's for some Cackling Farts" - Cackling farts are eggs. Obviously.
"Move your Double Jugg!" - Shift your arse.
"There's less room on a rush hour Northern line train, than an Eternity Box" - Yep, Eternity Box is a coffin.
"I love your Farting Crackers. Are they from Gap?"- Because why on earth would you say 'trousers' when you can say Farting Crackers?
"Out of my way, you Gotch-Gutted Golumpus!" - You've just called someone a clumsy, pot-bellied person. Let's hope they're not pregnant.
"Your round. Don't be such a Hog Grubber" - A mean, stingy fellow.
"Use your idea pot!" - Head.
"Some of London's mayors have been right Jack-in-the-Offices" - Insolent men in authority.
"He's a real Knight of the Trencher" - A subtle way to explain that your mate's a big eater.
"Think I might need to visit the Lock Hospital" - What we might today call the GUM clinic.
"I wish that bloody Marriage Music would stop" - That is, squealing, crying children.
"Got a tissue? My nozzle's running?" - Nose, obviously.
"Shut your oven!" - Shut your great mouth.
"I could murder a Prattle Broth." - Cup of tea.
"I can't go out tonight. I've got a Queer Bung." - Not as filthy as you might think. A Queer Bung is an empty purse.
"What kind of a Rattle Trap is that you've got there?" - A Rattle Trap is a curious, portable piece of machinery. So in modern day lingo, probably a really new — or really old — phone.
"I got so drunk last night, I ended up Shooting the Cat" - It means to vomit from excessive drinking. No cats were harmed in the making of this phrase.
"These Southern trains never go Tantwivy, do they?" - Full speed .
"You're an Unlicked Cub, mate" - A rude, uncouth young fellow.
"My Victualling Office is rumbling" - Victualling Office = stomach.
"It was a right Westminster Wedding" - Marriage between a rogue and a woman of ill-repute.
There's only one X in the dictionary, and it's rather sexist, so we won't repeat it here.
"I can't stop Yaffling" - Eating
"The weather sure is Zneesy" - Frosty or frozen. Basically, London for half of the year.