What's the shortest four-pub pub crawl you can possibly do in London?
It's an utterly trivial question, but the kind of challenge that gets the brain going. Could the shortest route be in Soho, where pubs come thick-and-fast, or maybe in the City with its ancient lanes and thirsty working population?
Neither, as it turns out. We think we've found the solution, and it's not where we were expecting. But first the rules:
1) The pub crawl must contain four pubs. (The perfect number for a crawl.)
2) The pubs must be distinct businesses. So, for example, the two separate halves of the Ship & Shovell do not count as two pubs.
3) These must be pubs, not bars. The distinction can be subjective, but we think most cases are fairly clear.
4) The distance is measured from doorway to doorway (side doors can be used if they are publicly accessible).
5) The route must be walkable, not just a straight "as the crow flies" line through the middle of buildings.
6) We're using the 'measure' tool on Google Maps. We're not sure how accurate it is, but it will be consistent across measurements.
The shortest pub crawl in London? Whitehall (north)
We reckon this is the shortest four-pub crawl anywhere in London:
According to Google Maps, this weighs in at just 63 metres (a little over 200 feet). For context, that's about half the diameter of the London Eye.
All four of the pubs might be regarded as 'a bit touristy', given the location, though we've always found that Walker's is relatively calm and civilised, thanks to its side-street location. The Horse and Guardsman, now a McMullen pub, may be more familiar under its previous guise, The Lord Moon of the Mall — a Wetherspoon's pub, noted for its hanging sign, which featured the chain's owner Sir Tim Martin.
Or is this the shortest pub crawl? Fleet Street (east)
But wait... there's another contender...
This crawl measures 64 metres, just one more than Whitehall. Given uncertainties in the measurement system, this is within the bounds of error, and might be the actual shortest pub crawl. It's certainly the better pub crawl. Three of these are stone-cold classics. The Old Bell, supposedly built by Christopher Wren for St Paul's workmen, is noted for its ye olde interior. The Crown and Sugarloaf, a Sam Smith's pub, is arguably London's most stripped-back, old-fashioned boozer. The neighbouring Punch, with its lavish interior, was once part of the same pub complex as the Sugarloaf, but the two went their separate ways around the turn of the century (happily for present purposes). The Albion lacks the character and history, but is by no means a bad pub.
And a third under 100 metres: Soho (east)
You'd think Soho would be a happy hunting ground for this kind of challenge but we've found it hard to match four pubs close enough to be walked in under 100 metres. The one exception is this route:
Four very-well-known West End pubs here: the Coach and Horses, Three Greyhounds, Spice of Life and The Cambridge. This seems such a trivial distance but, at 96 metres, is half as long again as the previous two.
We've spent far too long looking at other possibilities, but can't find any others under 100 metres. If you'd like to test out your own theories, then open Google Maps, and select 'Layers' -> 'More' -> 'Measure' to bring up the measuring tool. Email [email protected] if you think you've got a winning solution.
