London. A city rich with history, diversity, and rubber Donald Trump masks.
We trawled the tourist boutiques of London's West End, to find the absolute worst best souvenirs money can buy (usually not very much money, too). These items have to power to crack your friends up laughing, or to instantly terminate a romantic relationship. Use them wisely.
For the royalty loving tourist...
"You rang?" "No, sorry, just mourning Diana in my own way."
Catering to that insatiable international market for fans of the character Hyacinth Bucket, from Keeping Up Appearances:
We don't know whether to fly this from a flagpole, or dry up a greasy frying pan with it. Actually, we do:
No one will ever steal your office mug again:
For some reason we suddenly fancy a ginger nut with our cup of tea:
Just imagine the roleplay. No, don't. Really don't:
Surely it doesn't get any more dubious than shotting Jose Cuervo from a Princess Di memorial glass...
What's that? A newborn Princess Charlotte shot glass? What can we say. We were wrong.
For the American tourist missing their president...
The contents of the head is entirely realistic:
Come on, who put that price tag there?
Memories of a great summit:
For the horny tourist...
Popping a pair of these on should get you in the mood:
Er yeah. This probably isn't OK.
A tasteful prophylactic instead, perhaps:
Might we suggest this classic number:
If you use one of these, hopefully you'll Come Together:
And in case your tourist condoms fail you...
For the smoking tourist...
I ❤ this I ❤ London ashtray, but why can't they do ceramic fag packets too?
For the tourist after some seriously miscellaneous tat...
Ello, ello, ello, what's all this then? No idea. Just no idea.
Brexit metaphor? Dunno:
You brought me beer! Oh it's not beer. It's fake beer. Also good.
Pass me the utterly bizarre salt, would you:
Well, at least you didn't get the salt and pepper shakers:
What would happen if a double-decker bus, a mallard and Liam Gallagher circa 1996 f**ked and had a child? Dunno, but here's a thing:
You shouldn't have. Really really really really shouldn't have:
Unfortunately they don't do these covered in scaffolding:
Oh, f**k it, a postcard will do:
We previously met some of the people who sell souvenirs in London. They're lovely folk, and you should pop in sometime and make a purchase. Christmas is just around the corner...