Winds in the east, mist coming in. Like somethin' is brewin'... A BIG FAT POPPINS SEQUEL.
With Emily Blunt set to play the strict, sugar-shovelling nanny, we can longer ignore the fact Mary Poppins 2 is going to be as real as The Lion King 2. But what is the sequel going to look like? Not like any of these, we hope:
Mary Poppins and Zombies
Because it's like, Mary Poppins, but, like, there's, like zombies? Do you geddit though? Because zombies? And there's like chimmerny sweeps, but they're like, undead chimmerny sweeps, and they like, sing? I know right? We just blew your tiny minds yah? Oh my god, I, like just so heard PL Travers turning in her grave? Rah rah rah.
Danny Dyer plays Bert
"Alright, yew liddle middle class muppets, run orf to your farfer before I clip yew bewth ran the ears or shoot yew in your liddle faces. Your nanny is a right nutter and we're goin tew 'ave a spoonful or tew of that whoite stuff she's got in her bag and gew orf our loafs on a roight Jolly Olliday we are and no mistoike."
Mary Poppins 2: Supernanny
IN A WORLD where kids are glued to their iPhones, an elite group of no nonsense nannies must unite to create... SUPERNANNY. Emily Blunt IS Mary Poppins. Emma Thompson IS Nanny McPhee. Vin Diesel IS The Pacifier. Robin Williams IS... oh.
The modern twist
Mary Poppins hangs from her brolly and floats up an expensive looking London street, rings the doorbell of one of the houses. George Banks answers.
Poppins: Ah. You must be the banker Mister Banks. I'm here to save your children from you. I'm perfectly practical in every way.
Banks: I'm sure you are, but I'm only doing two days at RBS these days and we're just off to Primrose Hill to fly the organic kites we made out of lentils.
Poppins: Ah. Is your poor, poor wife still singing her heart out for the cause of women?
Banks: She manages a sizeable hedge fund.
Poppins: Spit spot.
Poppins flies off to the nearest Costa, humming sadly to herself.