What The Tube Announcements Should Be Saying

Laura Reynolds
By Laura Reynolds Last edited 23 months ago
What The Tube Announcements Should Be Saying
Photo: Duncan Palmer

"Alight here for..." is something we hear all too often the tube. These automated announcements purport to be helping tourists, letting them know which tourist attractions are nearby. Making London easy to navigate is all well and good, but let's manage expectations, shall we?

We recently found ourselves rewriting these announcements in our head to make them a little more honest. Here's what we came up with.

Charing Cross

What it currently says: "Alight here for Trafalgar Square, National Gallery and National Portrait Gallery"

What is should say: "Alight here to be sh*t on by pigeons. You're not even allowed to paddle in the fountains anymore. Nelson will be pleased to see you, though."

Regent's Park

What it currently says: "Alight here for local buses to ZSL London Zoo"

What it should say: "Alight here to faff away half your morning trying to find the right bus stop before giving up and settling for a really long walk through the park."

Oxford Circus

What it currently says: "Alight here for Central/Bakerloo lines" (depending which line you're already travelling on).

What it should say: "Alight here for... actually, don't alight here. Ever. Don't do it to yourself. Just no. Especially not if Christmas is nigh. No."

Got any better ideas for what should be said at these stations (or other stations on the tube map)? Baker Street or Tower Hill, perhaps? Let us know in the comments below.

Last Updated 25 October 2016

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