Alternative Uses For London's Now-Redundant Water Cannons

James Drury
By James Drury Last edited 36 months ago
Alternative Uses For London's Now-Redundant Water Cannons

Aww, poor Boris. He had to sit in the House of Commons today and listen while his Tory colleague, Home Secretary Theresa May put the kybosh on his and the Met's plans to use water cannons in London.

However, as he's already spent £218,000 on three second-hand Wasserwerfer machines from Germany, the question now is: what shall we do with them? Here are a few of our ideas (illustrated by the kind of quality photo editing you might expect from someone who's just been hit by a high pressure stream of H2O):

Watering the Garden Bridge

ThamesBridge Water

There'll be a lot of trees on the Garden Bridge but why waste hours with a hosepipe or watering can, when you can douse the whole lot in a matter of minutes? The water cannons pump out 9,000 litres of water in five minutes after all.

Using it to transport people

The cannons could be used to hurry people along, say from Greenwich Peninsula to Royal Victoria when it's too windy for the Cable Car to operate (which is frequently).

Turning the Carsten Holler slides into water chutes

SLides Water Because London's all about the water slides this summer, amiright?

Cleaning up the filthy people returning to London from Glastonbury

Popping a couple of these bad boys outside Paddington station should do the trick.

Using them to replace the axed fire crews

We proposed this idea when the water cannon caper was first floated.

For background on this, see:

Home Secretary delays decision on water cannon

And there's this rather good spray Boris with the water cannon game.

Last Updated 26 July 2015