London Is Shit: 12 Angry Quotes

M@
By M@
London Is Shit: 12 Angry Quotes

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While a love of the capital is at the very core of Londonist, we must also acknowledge that this sentiment is not universal. Some people think that London is one big, smelly arse, and find much more eloquent words to say so. Here, then, is a compendium of invective directed at London.

"Ah! my poor dear child, the truth is, that in London it is always a sickly season. Nobody is healthy in London, nobody can be." - Jane Austen, Emma, 1816

"Hell is a city much like London— A populous and a smoky city; There are all sorts of people undone, And there is little or no fun done; Small justice shown, and still less pity." - Percy Shelley, 1819

"Gentility of speech is at an end - [London] stinks; and whoso once inhales the stink can never forget it and can count himself lucky if he lives to remember it." - Anon, The City Press, 1858

"London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers and idlers of the Empire are irresistibly drained." - Arthur Conan Doyle, A Study in Scarlet, 1887

"You can stroll with pleasure in Paris; in London you cannot, unless you are a philosopher or a fool; you can only go from one piece of business to another. There is, indeed... something soul-deadening and discouraging in the ugliness of London; other ugly cities may be rougher and more savage in their brutality, but none are so desperately shabby, so irredeemably vulgar as London." - William Morris, 1888

"There is a saying that God made the country and the Devil made the towns. When I walk in London and see the buildings they are erecting I can quite believe they are not the work of the Almighty." - Sir Thomas Comyn-Platt, 1930

"Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON." Cousin Avi, in the film Snatch, 2000

“Go to London! I guarantee you'll either be mugged or not appreciated. Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway.” - Alan Partridge (AKA Steve Coogan), 2002

“I walk to Oxford Street and climb on the number 8. It's freezing and it starts to rain and it's the ugliest bus I've ever seen, rattling down the ugliest streets, in the ugliest city, in the ugliest country, in the ugliest of all possible worlds.” -David Thewlis in The Late Hector Kipling, 2007

"Milton thought Hell was a city, you know. I think maybe he had it half-right. Perhaps London is just Hell's entrance, and we are the damned souls refusing to pass through, fearing that what we will find on the other side will be worse than the horror we already know.” - Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel, 2011

"The game is up for Zone 1; soon it will exist only as a nucleus of tourist hell, the city will become defined by its sprawl and the heart of it will be like Centre Parcs, but with less wholesome family bike rides and more pay-per-hour Gumtree day brothels." - Sample moany quote from pretty much any article about London to ever appear in Vice Magazine, 2012

“The perfect representation of the rest of London: awfully expensive, too cluttered and cramped, the atmosphere is solemn, and the audio guide keeps politely telling the plebs to keep moving along. Save £18 and find a photo online.” - Sample TripAdvisor comment about Westminster Abbey, drawn from an article on one-star reviews.

And then, of course, there's this utterly vile/brilliant song about London Underground.

Last Updated 06 December 2017

thewindsorcaper

Aww, now you should find some good quotes about London, there much be some - Like

You find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford. -Samuel Johnson

HoosierSands

Hmm, most of those are from people who aren't *real*.
If you wanted quotes from non-fictional characters you could do no worse than peruse the comments made on Guardian articles.

LondonRoolz

They can all bugger off, fictional or not...

Hugh

Any reason why you decided not to assign an author to the Vice quote, or link to the article, despite there being a byline and it being an entirely online piece?

James Guppy

It's over-crowded and expensive, true - but that's about the only bad things I can say about it. Otherwise it's muthha f000000king brilliant!

dominic

When a man is tired of London he can just fuck off somewhere else.

Andy Thornley

I've seen this banner at a football match mentioned before... http://www.pelckmans.be/magazi...

davey

No Londoners think like this. If you don't like it get back to the countryside. It's a london ting

Vince Quinlivan

Just remind me again, there are two 'l's in bollocks, aren't there?

Behrouz Behzadi

London is an amazing city, the big smoke is where all my dreams lie.

ionut_cfc

London is shit? That means those people never visited romania. I would be really curious what would they say after living one month in a romanian city...

Ossie Thomas

Sometimes you must make your own sunshine the poets cannot lie ossie thomas