Stuff the sentimental: celebrate Christmas with dark comedy, sweary songs, chaotic karaoke, a creepy clown, science ghosts and a rambling podcast.
Amateur Transplants: Going For A Number One At Christmas
Adam Kay punts his Have Yourself A Sweary Little Christmas album back up the iTunes chart with a one-night-only show of smut, swearwords and funny, funny, darkly reimagined songs. This will sell out, get in quick. You might even get The London Underground Song.
Tickets £17.50+bkg. At The Tabernacle on 5 December, show at 8pm.
Andrew Lawrence Will Ruin Your Christmas
The "impossibly bleak" comedian, who had a run-in with controversy earlier in the year with some decidedly un-PC comments, punctures the festive spirit and showcases his darkest material this December. Misanthropes unite!
Tickets £10+bkg. At the Leicester Square Theatre Lounge on 8, 22, 29 December, 9.15pm.
Kristmas Karaoke hosted by Scottee and Bourgeois & Maurice
The press release says it all: "Pick a song. Grab a mic. Get ready for the ChristMESSIEST karaoke night of your life." Fresh from a flirtation with bland music and being normal expect Bourgeois and Maurice to be keen to revel outrageously with some of the best-worst karaoke you've heard. If you don't want to sing, pick songs for the hosts. Scottee does a good Lisa Stansfield, apparently.
Tickets £13 advance, £16 on the door. At Bethnal Green Working Men's Club on 14, 15, 16 December from 7.30pm-midnight.
Christmas Science Ghosts
Amazingly there are still tickets left for Robin Ince’s science, comedy, music and nonsense seasonal specials, looking at the ghosts of Christmas past, present and yet to come. Featuring loads of great guests, including Josie Long, Tony Law, Ben Goldacre, Mary Beard, Steve Pretty's Origin of the Pieces band and many more. We flagged this up in September, why haven’t you booked yet?
Tickets £25+bkg, cons available. At Bloomsbury Theatre, 15, 16, 17, 20, 21 December 7.30pm.
The Night Before Winterval
Fed up of Christmas jumpers, commercialism and enforced merriment? Dusty Limits's new show is for anyone "who finds Christmas a difficult time" and puts the pagan back in the festival. Starring David Hoyle, the cast also features a delusional showgirl and a creepy clown, a tribute to anyone who's ever drunk too much at the Christmas party and the Queen, in some form or other. Read more.
Tickets £12.50-£15+bkg. At Roundhouse Studio Theatre, Camden, on 12-20 December, 8pm.
The Angelos and Barry Show Live Podcast
Barry from Watford and Angelos Epithemiou are presenting two live "Xmas Bake Off" podcast recordings before Christmas. The Angelos and Barry Show is juvenile, rambling and silly funny. Listen to the latest episode, Michael Flatley and the Turkey Gun, then book your seats.
Tickets £12.50+bkg. At Museum of Comedy, Bloomsbury, on 19 (sold out) and 20 December, 9.15pm.
Looking for Christmas shows for the kids? Here is our round up of family-friendly shows.