You'd be forgiven if it had escaped your notice but the transfer window, not a door, slammed shut last night around bedtime. Coverage was typically low-key, with football journalists maximising their integrity by utterly refusing to invent transfer stories out of thin air, gossip restricted to Gary Lineker's high-brow tweets and Sky's coverage in particular restricted to a single presenter with one eye on the US Open glancing at the camera every hour and saying "Nothing's happening".
So it falls to Londonist to round up the comings and goings of the last couple of days between the capital's football clubs and the barbarians of the north, and Wales, and very occasionally Devon.
The biggest story from the world of transfers is the capture by Crystal Palace of 18th century admiral James McArthur, a beard's snip at just 25 guineas and a box of cannonballs. McArthur has been brought in to combat the internationally feared pirate Stambouli, who has appeared suddenly at Tottenham via the waters of the River Lea. The swarthy Frenchman's own sights are turned on N7, which he has threatened to destroy without prejudice when Spurs face Arsenal on 27 September.
The Gunners have added to their own firepower in the transfer window, with Danny Welbeck having been frightened into the clutches of the megalomaniac Wenger by a terrifying offer from Spurs. It remains to be seen whether this fresh insult to Tottenham will damage relations between the two clubs, so cordial since Arsenal's move from south of the river 101 years ago, which Spurs fans rarely mention.
In one of the most protracted moves of the transfer period, Adam Forshaw has finally bid farewell to Brentford having secured a highly prized move to Wigan. Yes that's right, Wigan. Lovely place. He's yet to play a league game this season but having already bagged eight points from five matches the Bees seem to have been doing all right without him. But seriously, Wigan. Has the man no map?
Loyalty in football is a much-feared commodity among football agents looking for their next brown envelope. Thankfully the brand of faithfulness extolled by Harry Redknapp ensures agents stay fuelled and petrol stations continue to do a roaring trade as footballers follow his enormous 4x4 wherever it goes. The QPR supremo, because you just don't get to use the word supremo enough these days, has ensured his trusty box of 'Welcome back!' banners is put to good use once more by signing former charges Sandro and Niko Kranjcar.
That holiday in the Nidderdale Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty that Felix Magath enjoyed so much a few years ago is once again paying dividends, as another Yorkshire-based footballer rocks up at Fulham in the form of Matt Smith. He cost the Cottagers a reported 1/22th of what Leeds comrade Ross McCormack set them back, though fans probably reckon the latter is worth 20+ footballers for his winning goal at GriffinPark last week alone.
Chelsea and AFC Wimbledon did little business on deadline day, as did Dagenham & Redbridge. If you want to be included in Londonist's football round-up, put the effort in, will you? Chelsea did offload a man named 'van Ginkel', but since we first heard the name 'van Wolfswinkel' we're sorry to say 'van Ginkel' is simply not comedic enough, nowhere near.
Charlton and Millwall have been similarly inactive, though both have had an unexpectedly sound start to the league season and occupy upper slots in the table. The Lions do still seem to be trying to sign Angel Martinez, formerly of Blackpool. How are they doing this after the window, not a door, has slammed shut? Well, are you going to be the one to tell Millwall they can't?
East London has had mixed fortunes staring through the famous window. West Ham decided against Micah Richards and settled instead on a chap named Morgan Amalfitano, who played for West Brom last season and might wake up in a northern Travelodge in a world of confusion. Leyton Orient meanwhile are quids in, having sold Gabonese centre back Bruno Ecuele Manga to Cardiff for a whopping £5m. We're not sure why the BBC website is calling them 'Lorient', but we assume it must be the same team. Hang about, it says here Amalfitano used to play for 'Lorient'. What's going on? Mother?
Perhaps most shocking of all, Ashley-Paul Robinson, who once caused such fury by posting on Facebook that he had a trial with Fulham (honestly, he has a Wikipedia page with a section entitled 'Facebook controversy'), has swapped Dulwich Hamlet for potential future arch rivals Tooting & Mitcham in a move that has shaken the very foundations of south London football. The internet has been noticeably slower overnight following the outpouring of fury from Pink 'n' Blues fans and should the Terrors succeed in securing promotion you can expect a noticeably larger turnout of Her Majesty's constabulary around Champion Hill and Imperial Fields next season.
And we've not yet even mentioned George Cocklin's controversial move from Burnham Ramblers to Romford FC, which authorities are certain to be examining this morning under UEFA's Financial Fair Play regulations. It's certainly been an engrossing summer for transfers.
It makes you wonder why the main news outlets didn't make more of it.