Mysterious Yellow Orb Appears In Sky Above London

By Jonn Last edited 66 months ago
Mysterious Yellow Orb Appears In Sky Above London

We don't want to freak anyone out, but it's been several days now, and that weird yellow thing in the sky is still there.

This situation is extraordinarily unlikely to persist. In the event that it does, though, life in the city is going to change. For those who've never experienced London in summer — and after our recent Game of Thrones-style endless winter, that might be quite a few of you — here is Londonist's guide to the phenomena you will find yourself experiencing in the weeks ahead.

  • Pretending you're at a continental pavement cafe, bravely ignoring the fact your face is 18 inches from the exhaust pipe of a number 38.
  • Being unable to find Soho Square beneath a thick covering of flesh.
  • Regretting taking the tube.
  • Drinking outside pubs; finding yourself pissed by 7pm because there's nowhere to put your drink down.
  • Being unable to order an iced coffee without feeling like a complete tit.
  • Regretting taking the train.
  • Attending a party on boat; experiencing a moment of cold dread five minutes in, as it dawns on you that you're stuck in a confined space with these people for the next five hours, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
  • Getting annoyed with Westminster Council's ridiculously restrictive pavement drinking laws ("Customers must be within touching distance of the pub's left window sash at all times").
  • Regretting taking that bus.
  • Getting annoyed with people blocking the pavement because they're ignoring Westminster Council's ridiculously restrictive pavement drinking laws.
  • Regretting wearing those shorts. Particularly after all those people stared at you on tube, train and bus.
  • Spending an afternoon on Primrose Hill, failing to work out what that long, thin, grey building off in the direction of Holloway is. (Seriously, this has been driving us potty since 1998. Anyone know?)
  • Deluding yourself that the weather's going to last.

Image courtesy of Sarah Heenan, taken from the Londonist Flickr pool

Last Updated 03 May 2013