Zinger Of The Week: Burlexe @ Shadow Lounge, TONIGHT
Sometimes it's hard to be a woman. Especially one who makes a living through publicly removing clothes in a sensuous way. Burlexe takes us through the background of the vintage entertainment known as burlesque with the kind of history lesson we wish we had at school. The show features been-there-done-that-got-the-TShirt-now-using-the-TShirt-to-clean-windows performers and tutors like Jo King, Kiki Kaboom, Luna Rosa and Fancy Chance alongside East Ham-born singer Kele Le Roc.
TONIGHT: Budding Rembrandts may want to pop into this month’s Dr Sketchy’s Anti-Art School at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern (RVT) to see if there is still life in their drawing skills and lead in their pencil. Materials are provided including paper and inspiration care of a number of burlesque beauties with some fine entertainment mixed in throughout the evening.
For FREE filthy and fab fun, go underground and seek out Des O’Connor at the Cellardoor.
THURSDAY: It's the last heat of Burger Queen at the RVT, the booty contest for big-boned beauties. Last week, Nancy Dell'Olio returned to the venue - possibly as part of her hunt for a gay husband - to see three more contestants being judged by a panel including Lisa Stansfield.
Looking for some mid-week magic? Head down to the biggest and loudest illusionist show in town, The Houdini Experience at the Peacock theatre.
FRIDAY: For a year now, La Reve have hosted the best weekly variety showcase in town at the Cafe de Paris. They'll be celebrating their first birthday with (amongst others) the filthier-than-thou songstress Ria Lina, saucy burlesquer Kiki Kaboom, La Soiree hoopster Yulia Pykhtina and surly sorceror Piff The Magic Dragon.
SATURDAY: There's more celebrations at the Bethnal Green Working Men's Club as Sink The Pink hold their Bad Taste Ball. Star Jonny Woo is the alt-drag artist your mother warned you about. Dress code: "wear your worst - the more bad taste the better, if it's tasteful it's terrible!"
Die Freche Muse return with a lively evening based around 70s flick Performance. The film stars the artist currently known as Sir Michael Jagger while the post-popcorn entertainment includes jazz, cocktails and burlesque from Suri Sumatra, Lydia Darling and Missy Macabre.
MONDAY: Two recession-friendly options: snarky ex-barmaid and New Act Of The Year finalist Myra Dubois at the Cellardoor for a very round price (i.e. FREE) or you can watch Timberlina publicly fondle his smooth balls at the RVT’s weekly bingo for £1 a round.
TUESDAY: Bryony Kimmings' Seven Day Drunk continues at the Soho Theatre. Described by one critic as “one part sobering social critique, three parts DIY glitterfuck”, the show documents a week-long scientific experiment into the effect of alcohol on Kimmings' creativity. Showing that she hasn't completely gone off the hard stuff, she told us her favourite seven London watering holes. Go. Continues until 31 March.