There are plenty of opportunities this week to see the London Cabaret Awards (LCA) 2012 winners and nominees performing around town so with zip, zero and zilch ado here are this week's Zingers.
Zinger Of The Week: Bourgeois and Maurice @ National Portrait Gallery, Thursday
For some of us, pay day is some way away. Bridge those sighs and get thee to a gallery for some entertainment courtesy of LCA Award winners Bourgeois and Maurice and the National Portrait Gallery's LGBT History Month. Host Timberlina will be taking the twisted siblings down memory lane as they explore childhood themes. FREE!
With a great blend of top burlesque performers and actors, Burlexe re-enacts the stories of the earliest practitioners of the art. And if you're wondering what what goes through the head of modern burlesquers, one of the show's stars (and winner of the LCA Best Burlesque Performer award) Kiki Kaboom reveals all about Swarovski, bubbly wine and "the vintage thing". £20
Over 17,000 people voted for the LCA's Time Out Audience Award and the deserved winner was the innovative Alp Haydar. His double bill of recent shows went down a storm last Thursday and he literally has a new opening tonight (and a closing tomorrow) at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. £7
Desmond O’Connor is one of the filthiest fiddlers of ukeleles around. His new night Under The Counter promises to fathom new depths of depravity at the Cellardoor, Zero Aldwych. FREE!
Come dine with LCA nominee A Man To Pet in deepest, darkest
HipstervilleDalston where guests at pop-up cabaret foodie experience The Pale Blue Door can explore Tony Hornecker's "Tim Burton fantasy" of an abode between courses. £35
The 200th anniversary of Charles Dicken's birth recently hit the headlines like Tiny Tim's turkey and White Rabbit's latest show - Are You Sitting Comfortably at Jackson's Lane Theatre - attempts to shine up the fun side to the Victorian author. Host Miss Havisham (yes) will be leading the audience through a night of storytelling, games and nibbles. £12.95/£10.95
Over in the Queen Of The Suburbs, you can watch more than the time disappear at Conjuring at the Court, West Ealing’s long-running monthly magic night which this month welcomes Neil Henry, Wes Zaharuk, Terry Herbert and Dean Maudsley. £10
The famed drag-queen supergroup featuring LCA judge Lisa Lee, Ryan Styles, Richardette and Blanche du Bois will be “singing” more twisted songs at LCA-nominated Bistrotheque than in a pile of sun-melted vinyl. Go. Continues tomorrow. £12/£10 diners
No need to wait for the White Mischief hoe-down as Wotever World celebrate LGBT History Month with a full-on Steampunk Tango Ball at Islington Town Hall. Turn up early for a mini-class from 7:30 led by Ute Walter from Queer Tango Germany and stick around for some musical comedy c/o LCA-nominated Miss Hope Springs. FREE!
Recent winner of the Hackney Empire's New Act Of The Year Award David Mills will be at private members joint The Hospital Club with Radio 4 favourite Helen Lederer. £15 or £40 including dinner
Duckie received the loudest cheers at the London Cabaret Awards as they recieved their Outstanding Achievement Award and deservedly so. Turn up at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern to see just why this show has lasted sixteen years and can look forward to many more.
Our recent visit to the last episode of Die Freche Muse went down smoother than a gimlet so if you're after the authentic vintage vibe, you could do much worse than dress up then turn up their latest soiree at N16's Old Cholmeley Boys Club. Performers include the impudent Mr Pustra and blonde burlesquer Banbury Cross. £20, £15 advance
Lock up your daughters: coming on like a ferocious version of Tony Ferrino, Wilfredo is the singing Latin lothario your mother warned you about (yet can never seem to stop talking about). He will be breaking hearts at the Battersea Arts Centre tonight. £10/£8 concessions
This week’s greatest tornado of tassels can be seen down at Proud Cabaret as Burlesque Siren have their graduation revue. £9
Ursula Martinez, one of the most important figures of modern cabaret, has her own show at Soho Theatre. My Stories, Your Emails continues until March 10. See one of her most famous routines here (NSFW).
Two recession-friendly options elsewhere: there be drag queens at the Cellardoor for a very round price or you can watch Timberlina publicly fondle his smooth balls at the RVT’s weekly bingo for £1 a round.
Check out LCA-nominated LaJoseph John’s gender-blending Boy In A Dress at the Ovalhouse. We loved his turn at last year’s Alternative Eurovision and this show is a compendium of his three solo memoir shows. Show continues until 3 March. £14.
Here's a taster of what to expect at tomorrow's Bourgeois and Maurice show. Have fun.