Liz Bentley is a writer, poet, comedienne, host, programmer, musician, mother, therapist and insomniac. She was born in Essex in 1964 and moved to London at 21. She lives in Peckham with her two children. Armed with her Casio keyboard and ukulele she has been featured at events such as Ledbury Poetry Festival, London Literature Festival at Southbank and Alternative Village Fete, National Theatre. She has had three successful Edinburgh shows (2008 being in Edinburgh’s only swimming pool venue, a solo show then hosting over 100 other writers/performers in the pool). She has published two books, Tales in the Deep End and £500 a Line and Other Poems.
If you like these poems, you can catch Liz doing her show Crash Bash Trash at the Floirin pub on Holloway Road tomorrow at 8.45pm (£7 / £5).
Outside Bermondsey Health Centre
Two pit bull terriers looking like their owner
Shat simultaneously right outside the health centre
“Ur” I said “haven’t you got a bag?”
“Naw,” he said
“That’s disgusting” I said “I had the biggest greyhound in the world and I got into it. The biggest poos in the world but I still got into it.”
If I were judgmental, I would have thought his father had abused him as a child and that he was a member of the BNP.
But I’m not judgemental. I just think he was a cunt.
London Bridge is falling down
My leggings had lost their freshly washed firmness and were slipping down at Peckham Rye Station.
I lifted up my dress and pulled them up.
I thought I’d been discreet, but somehow, my exhibitionist self had subconsciously slipped out onto the platform full of people including a stationmaster - all of whom had received a not so private viewing of my arse
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, “I didn’t think anyone was looking”
The station master smiled and asked whether I was comfortable now
“Yes thank you,” I said
On the train to London Bridge I wondered how much of a difference there was between this, and the man I’d seen on the bus adjusting himself, reading Nuts.